The Global Economy

Started on my exercise regime today and swum 20 laps this morning, after a 4 year haitus from the water. It was painful haha but i thoroughly enjoyed it. Went to the Delta pool and the place hasn't changed mush since the day I learnt to swim there when I was a kid. Brought back memories haha.

Spent a good deal of time this afternoon, surfing the web to find resources to understand the global economy and what's happening with the current situation. Got quite a few good sites and my current shopping cart stands at over US$200 haha, enough to last me a few months of good reading. Got a book on the economic crisis, 3 books on the oil industry, E.M Bound's works on prayer and a biography of George Mueller :) Also starting to read up on an old  International Economics text book (didnt realise it was by Paul Krugman lol).

Realised at the end of the day that I do have a knack for this business thing and i think its really a gift. I've got this ability/desire to see the macro picture and the cause and effect relationships at play. But as I was praying I realised that I have the choice to pursue it for personal gain and glory or to do so with the aim of glorifying GOd and extending His dominion and influence into redeeming this area of our fallen world. It is always a reminder to not get sucked in and to constanly hide myself in Him and remember the giver of the gifts and worship Him rather than the gifts or myself. Sobering indeed.

Take Your Rightful Place

"Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts."

Read 1 John this morning in a sleepy state but the last verse just hit home. This has been my perennial struggle to not let stuff get in the way and to settle for lesser pleasures. But its a good struggle and I thank God for His reminders.

Sabbatical

Today is the commencement of my Sabbatical and it's really a new phase. Got down to planning all the stuff I'd like to do and learn and it's really alot. Planning to head down to Jakarta in May over a weekend since Air Asia's got cheap fares to visit some friends. I really have no idea how things will pan out, but I'lll need to remember that I'm around to support my folks and that's most important.

Tasks vs Opportunities

If there was only one thing I learnt from Shell Life, this would probably be it. So many times in the last year or even in life, I've tend to look at work I was assigned to do as a task, with the sole purpose of completing and getting it out of the way. It showed in the level of dedication I accorded to it and reflected in the quality produced. I feel a sense of regret at the many times I settled for less than excellence. I'm challenging myself to view every piece of work as an opportunity, to do more than what is expected, to learn as much as I can, to glorify God in all I do and to really see that the work does have benefits to me. It is a paradigm shift that is most powerful and I am grateful for it.

The Pursuit of Happiness

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

This phrase came to mind in service this morning and it is by far the most famous and familiar historical expression found in the American Declaration of Independence. Over the years, it's original intent and meaning, espoused by the Founding Fathers, has been lost and distorted into a justification for the pursuit of hedonism by means of wealth, lifestyle, upward mobility etc. 

What they meant was that happiness was not a means to an end but the end in itself, not mere pleasure or wealth. It thus requires the distinction between an imaginary form of happiness and the most perfect and good form of happiness. And all of us are in some form or another pursuing it, and this could be in the form or wealth, sensual pleasure, status, power; wishfully thinking that it is attainable once the requisite level has been achieved. Often than nought, such happiness is illusory and momentary and I would be so bold as to assert that the ultimate sense of happiness can only be found in the good and perfect God.

Throughout the week while I was on course, I felt this gaping hole in my being, that nothing seemed to fill. All the socialising, the achievements, the fun and all couldn't satisfy and I felt oh so empty. Initially I attributed it to loneliness in a foreign land, but as I reflected, I realised I had neglected God due to my schedule and busyness. Day after day the emptiness was compounded and it wasn't until I worshipped this morning that his light shown through and I could feel His presence all over again. Truly apart from Christ I am nothing.Everything else at that point just didn't matter anymore and I realised that it is only in God that true peace and happiness can be attained.

More often than nought, my disappointments in life have been due to pursuing and settling for a substandard happiness that have proven time and again to be unsatisfactory and detrimental. I guess it is a timely reminder for me to truly set my sights and desire for the greatest good - God Himself and to pursue it all the days of my life.

Checked In

Am writing from the T2 transit area right now as I await my flight for KL. Got the timing a little mixed up and tot I was on the 1910 flight, when instead I'm on the 1945 one. Was really embarassing cause they all though they were late adn had to cancel their dinner order and rush to clear Immigration, only to realise we were on the 1945 flight haha. Got a big scolding haha.

Played a few lame XBOX games and gave up on that. So decided to just clock in an entry while waiting. Really excited to be travelling again and just taking a break from home. Mom cried when I left today and it was heart melting haha.

Pray that on this trip, I'll get the chance to really connect with my friends and to somehow share the Gospel with em someway or another :)

Wanderlust

I'm planning for a trip with the guys up north in good ol Malaysia in March and its jolly exciting. Currently the plan is to head up north by the Jungle Express to Kota Bahru, then we'll stay over for the night. The Thai border town of Sungei Kolok is an hour's bus ride, and if possible, it be nice ot pop in and out of Thailand for lunch ahaha, or just to get my passport stamped and the customary border crossing pics taken. 

Following day is to head down pass Kuala Trengannu and on to Marang, and hop on a speedboat for a 15 min ride to Pulau Kapas,also known as Cotton Island for its white sandy beaches and crystal clear waters. Hope it lives up to its hype. After 3D2N soaking the sun, sand and sea, its off to KL for one more night before catching a flight home on Sunday. Awesome stuff!

Even planning this trip stirs up something deep within, the urge to travel, to see new things, to get off the beaten track. Its so much a part of me to travel and explore, to break new ground. Just the other day I was salivating over the opportunity to one day travel from Beijing via Mongolia to Moscow on the trans-Siberian. Man what a heady exprience to travel throught the Russian hinterland, on the tracks laid down by Tsar Nicholas. One day God willing! haha.

Wanderlust.

Climbing Mount Kinabalu

Long overdue photos of my climb last year. Read more about it here.

Beauty in Diversity

I'm glad I did not go to AGBC for my Theological education. Today I was exposed to a differing view on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and a challenge to my entire Pentacostal belief system. I love it! 

It forces me to take a step back and think about what I believe in and its time for some serious study of scripture. I've been sitting at my comp for the last hour or so delving into the arguments from both camps and it sure is interesting. 

I'm approaching it with an open mind, as much as possible and both sides do have convincing arguments and it all boils down to interpretation of scripture really at the end of the day. I'm not done yet, but I'm still unconvinced that there is no additional Baptism of the Holy Spirit after salvation and that tongues are not to be sought or that not all will have it. But I'll continue to read, pray and ponder on this marvelous topic.

Wow I feel my mind expanding and my faith growing even as I learn more and more and truly it is such a blessing. Now only that I may be humble and know that it is God who reveals and instructs haha. Awesome.

If you want to find out more about the Pentacostal view on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, heres a good link.

Hard lessons

God has been revealing things to me about my heart and it ain't pretty. I'm a thinker and my mind does work pretty much when I'm analysing something and when I'm at it I kinda like it to make sense, be sound and compelling. Nice and well, but there's a part of me that is just so pompous and full of my own intellectual pride.

Was at night class tonight and was grouped to discuss the theological aspects of workplace safety (there was smoking, littering, clearing up in food courts etc) and throughout the discussion I was rather irritated with the other 2 members who just couldn't seem to frame the issue and contribute constructively to a proper analysis and critique of the issue at hand. And so in my heart I battled and struggled and it was hard to adopt an attitude of humility (like in Phil) and love. And after we wrapped up and we just chatted, I found myself really liking them and they were real nice folks. And I just felt an anguish in my soul as to my pride throughout the whole time, though I don't think they kinda detected any condescension or anything haha.

Plus there was cell last week and I was going on arguing about the theological aspect of how God is always fair and all and at the end of it I realised I was probably just trying to parade my intellectual ability. Woe is me! haha. And one thing I realised was that knowledge doesn't change lives. For all the debate we had on the fairness of God, it was all really academic and theoretical., until I heard about someone's struggles and how irrelevant that discussion really was if the tangible love of God was not shown. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Haha. Yes frustration abounds, but well I'm growing haha :)

Unfailing Love

Was on this beach in Danang, Vietnam where my life took a turn for the better. I woke up early each morning and headed to the windswept beach and at the very depths of my desperation I cried out to God to feel His presence again, to get right with Him and to change me at my most ugly state. And He answered and I've never been the same since. Truly He is faithful when we are unfatihful and will have mercy when we turn from our sinful ways and seek Him. I am so grateful for His unfailing love in my life.

My Greatest Fear

This year's theme is worship and the sermons on it have made an impact. Learnt that worship is about lifestyle, not songs and at its essence its making God the only God in our lives. As we journey through there will be antichrists (things/people/teachings that strive to take the place of Christ) and it will be a daily battle to crucify my flesh and take up my cross and follow Him. Which leads me to my greatest fear - that I will succumb to my shadow mission.

Over the past year, God has been revealing more about my calling and purpose and depositing His vision for my life in me. And great things and an abundant life are in store, only if I will obey Him and make Him the only Lord in my life. However, on the flip side I have a shadow mission - the mission that sets itself up against what God has intended for me.

My shadow mission, and my greatest fear is that I will submit to the lure of money, sex and power, all of which are good things, but when pursued as ends in themselves, threaten to derail and corrupt my holy calling. At various points in my life, I've fallen prey and have witnessed their debilitating effect on my life and faith.

So as I journey on, I think this is a good fear to embrace to always remind me of my frailty and how I need to be renewed daily and to choose to worship God and Him alone. So as in the words of Paul,

"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."

Bang Bang

Sunday was real exciting cause I got to go shooting with shotguns and pistols as part of the Shooting Sampler Program offered by Singapore Shooting Association, all for $120.

Started the day off at the Bukit Timah Range (middle pic) where we shot clay discs (aka pigeons) with 12 gauge (last pic) shotguns. Fired off about 20 rounds and probably hit like 8-10 targets. Not that easy as the aim is more feel than accuracy as opposed to rifle shooting. Had some problems at the start but once I corrected my aiming method, I was consistently hitting the targets. Woot! Its really gratifying to pull the trigger and hear the boom and see the clay pigeon shatter, concluding with the acrid smell of cordite. Pure bliss haha. I'll probably head back one day, especially after a tough week haha. Great stress relief.

Pistols were a little harder as the sights and all were trickier to master. Shot a HK USP, Beretta 92 and a CZ something. Great experience and I finally get to shoot the guns in real life as opposed to the games. Btw the Beretta is one piece of crap. Loved the USP, loaded well, very stable and predictable and real accurate.

Weary

Just off a telecon, though I'm home on MC. Down with a mild cold with a sore throat and fatigue zzz. Think the fatigue has sapped me much and its affecting my relationship with God. I just didn't feel like connecting and spending time with Him and it left me feeling really empty. Struggled through today to enter His presence and to feel Him near again. But then I realized, that there isn't anything I can do to enter into His presence, except to depend on Him and not on my own piousness. So I yielded and placed my dependence on Him and asked that He would just come in and take His rightful place, and then I felt Him near again.

Think its always a struggle to depend on my own strength and ability to see me through life and that really is sin, to think i can make it on my own. So just gonna take time to wait on Him and just tarry in His presence.

Char Siew DIY

Came back after a long day and I was pooped. Think I'm falling sick. And as much as I wanted to rest, there was 2 strips of pork marinating in my fidge since Sunday and thus I had to force myself to grill it.

So heres the end product after 1.5 hours of grilling and washing up. Now I know why they give so little char siew, cause the meat just shrank and all I had left was like 15 slices. Of course I "tested" some in the process of cutting haha.

A little salty but overall pretty nice. Will use less ready marinade the next time in favour of a homemead brew.

To you... Best Friend ;)

More of You

This post marks the end of a long break from work when I worked a grand total of 4.5 days over the last 2 weeks. Tomorrow I'll be back to my job in the new year, busy with tidying up and handing over the last bits of my portfolio and managing the transition of outstanding issues. I've got several projects that I'll need to complete in the meantime as well. Will work for another 6 more weeks before I head up to KL for my 1 week Shell Life course, and good ol KL Hokkien Mee haha.

The year has been good thus far and lately, Ive been stirred in my spirit for more of God, to experience more of Him in 2009. Sure there'll be things to do and growth to aim for, but my heart's desire is to really know Him so much more, to taste and see for myself that He is good. I desire more than knowing about Him and I want to experience His presence throughout my days, to commune with Him and have Him direct my path according to His will. I desire to seek that dunamis power that the gospel promises, that my life might be transformed and to be able to testify of that impact and to allow others to have a tangible experience of the power of the gospel. Paul says in Acts 1:16 that he isnt ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of those who believe. And the reason why he could boldly proclaim the gospel was because he experienced its power and knew without a doubt that this was the real deal.

So I'm planning to just remember all that God has done for me and in me and I'm sure that at the end, I'll have a really powerful testimony to share. Also I'm gonna crave for more of Him, to walk in the supernatural, to leap off the cliff in faith and to really ask that He let me get out of the boat and onto the water. This is my prayer for 2009.

"I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!" Phil 3:10-11

Merry Christmas!

Kicked off the season with a nice dinner at Hann's place on tuesday and tonight i'm cooking Bak Kut Teh Mee Sua, cause I'm a tad sick of the meats and "traditional" Christmas fare. To think of it, I haven't eaten a single sliver of turkey, well thats cause I have a disdain for that ol bird.

Spent the morning doing my annual shopping and came home and cleared out 3 big bags of old clothes. Gonna have to find time to bring it down to the Salvation Army tomorrow. Tonight after dinner, we're gonna catch bedtime Stories at Downtown East then send Cher and Rach off at the airport. Man this post is so Twitter-esque.

Just recovered from the post Rhema fatigue and life's been looking up. I'm disciplining myself to read my Bible daily and to really grow in 2009. Many things are coming my way next year and the focus will be on reaching and raising. Learning to make evangelism a lifestyle and to share whenever the opportunity presents itself. Will also be mentoring a few key guys next year with Pron, even as he mentors me and we really hope to see the guys built up (haha the perennial hope), but it takes time and this year I'm really thankful for just being able to build relationships with Corn, David and Kenneth. Next year will really be interesting.

I thank God for this year and His providence. For seeing me through and really His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I took up so many things this year by faith and one by one God has accomplished them through me. I stand back at the close of this year and I really marvel at the outcome. There were points when I felt that I couldn't carry on and wanted to throw in the towel but somehow, God always delivered. It has been a year of discovering God, seeing with eyes of faith over the physical, my weaknesses brought to bear, and God's power being made known. Humbly I give thanks and look forward to the year ahead in Christ.

Rested

Back from the blogging hiatus and life has been real rich haha (good, bad all rolled into one, rather complex). Just ended leaders retreat and I came home, spent some time with Ma and knocked out. Woke up with the I miss camp feeling which I havent experienced for a long time haha and just enjoyed the day resting. Went for a walk with the folks at Henderson Waves and we got Ma to stand to watch the scenery from the middle adn she let out a loud "Wa!" haha. Just cooked dinner and waiting to eat.

Hmm, I dun think I could recap everything that's happened thus far, but it was a period of immense stress, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I felt worn down but by bit as I had to juggle work, Rhema, home, leader's retreat and all. To me the biggest struggle through that time was to maintain my relationship with God even through the busyness and heavy spirit. There came a point over the last weekend that I just felt I couldnt go on anymore. I just felt like dropping everything and taking a nice long nap haha. But somehow God sustained me, taught me lessons, exposed my character flaws and affirmed me through the Retreat and it was beautiful, to meet God at my wit's end and to just enjoy Him.

Am well rested and its been a long time I've had such a clear mind and a heart at rest. Am thankful to God for everything thus far. Its been awesome.

Life in General

Its been some time since I last posted about Mom. She's been doing great and her recovery is progressing well. She currently now at TTSH Rehab at AMK Hospital and shes expected to stay there for the month of Nov for intensive daily rehab. They're training her to walk, sit and coordinate her movements and stimulate her swallowing. She's been pretty emotional, sometimes laughing and crying for no reason, could be due to neurological as opposed to pscychological reasons. On the whole all's looking good.

Shuttling up everyday is tiring though. I usually head up after work if its a full day in the office and stay till about nine plus. Most times Im so zonked at the end of the day that I just go there and watch TV - theres this nice 9pm Channel 8 drama on HIV haha. Sometimes Mom slaps me irritably motioning me to pay attention to her instead haha.

Works been good, with a new found purpose since Ive made the decision to not go into full time ministry. Ive learnt that significance is derived from the difference I make to the lives of the people around me as opposed to my vocation, the call to spiritualise the secular. So if I'm gonna be around, then I'll jolly give my all to be the best finance guy around for His glory.