Hard lessons

God has been revealing things to me about my heart and it ain't pretty. I'm a thinker and my mind does work pretty much when I'm analysing something and when I'm at it I kinda like it to make sense, be sound and compelling. Nice and well, but there's a part of me that is just so pompous and full of my own intellectual pride.

Was at night class tonight and was grouped to discuss the theological aspects of workplace safety (there was smoking, littering, clearing up in food courts etc) and throughout the discussion I was rather irritated with the other 2 members who just couldn't seem to frame the issue and contribute constructively to a proper analysis and critique of the issue at hand. And so in my heart I battled and struggled and it was hard to adopt an attitude of humility (like in Phil) and love. And after we wrapped up and we just chatted, I found myself really liking them and they were real nice folks. And I just felt an anguish in my soul as to my pride throughout the whole time, though I don't think they kinda detected any condescension or anything haha.

Plus there was cell last week and I was going on arguing about the theological aspect of how God is always fair and all and at the end of it I realised I was probably just trying to parade my intellectual ability. Woe is me! haha. And one thing I realised was that knowledge doesn't change lives. For all the debate we had on the fairness of God, it was all really academic and theoretical., until I heard about someone's struggles and how irrelevant that discussion really was if the tangible love of God was not shown. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Haha. Yes frustration abounds, but well I'm growing haha :)