Updating

The past week has been rough. Still mulling over the offer and work has been busy. Nevertheless, there were bright spots throughout and God has always proven Himself faithful even when I'm faithless.

Tomorrow I head to KL for a course and a meeting on Friday. My initial motivation was to use it as a means of getting out of the office, but I've been convicted of my attitude. So I shall be heading there with a humble and teachable spirit, with gratitude for this opportunity to learn. Will be heading up with a Thai colleague and I hope that somehow I can build on our relationship and so somehow be able to share Christ with her.

Considerations

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

Went for an interview this week for a business development role in a bank. I'm torn between staying and leaving.

Currently my team is rather unstable and if I leave, I'm not sure if my boss can cope. There's the thing about getting a replacement, cause currently there isn't anyone available to fill the role. While no one is indispensable, I think my departure may create a strain on the team.

On the flip side, I've been really bored in this current role. It is really mind numbing and I dun feel a drive and its seems like I'm going through the motions. Theres only so much of this I can take. My work feels like a huge burden.

I wonder if its just my attitude or my lack of perseverance. Am I justified in feeling bored or am I just full of complaints? I'm not sure if God has a specific direction in all this, and seeking for an answer has proven futile. To stay or not to stay? To pursue the promise of a job that offers drive and excitement or to be content and press on? These questions ring constantly in my head and there isn't a clear answer really.

But one thing I know, and its that I will choose to act contrary to the world. The world says me first and screw the rest. But I know the principle is more important than the outcome and the Word of God holds the key.

"Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." Phil 2:4

And so I have decided that if the offer does come, I shall bring it before my boss and to discuss and determine how to balance my interest with hers and the team's. If the team's interest is severely compromised, then I shall forfeit this job and trust in God that the time isn't now. If my boss does give me her blessings, then I shall be able to move with joy and freedom.

So till that day, I know I will be wrestling with this decision and i've been tempted to revert to what seems natural. Its truly a learning and character shaping experience, more so when God seems distant during this period. He seems unusually quiet, but I woke this morning with a reassurance that He is indeed in control and with me.

Thus I yield this decision and its considerations. Gloria in Excelsis Deo!

Bored Friday

You know you are really bored when u stare at Google's homepage and decide after 10 mins to key in an "A" and click on the "Im Feeling Lucky" button.

It brought me to the American Physical Society btw. haha.

Hard Work

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had."

"Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people."

How apt is the Word of God back then and even now. It sure is hard work living pur and blameless in this world. When I think of how boring and unchallenging this job is, I feel justified in complaining to everyone who might enquire or offer a sympathtic ear.

But what joy I have, that as I'm working hard, God is at work in me to enable me to obey Him woot! haha. Thank you Dee (as He is known to me)!

Loving Others

Just back from a day of spending time with various friends. Met Chan Hong, Sam and Hoho for breakfast, then Matt and finally my CMs over lunch.

I thank God that He has in some way changed the core of who I am. Left the house this morning looking forward to meeting all of em and as I reflected, I do not think the old me would have actually liked it. I used to think I was an introvert and would rather keep to myself than be with people and that it was just the way I am; I simply wasn't a people person. It was such a lie and I bought into it. I've come to realise that in fact, its all about people. His heart beats for us and so must mine.

God has been challenging me to love and care for people, and I guess the journey took off at May's PnP, as I was seeking God, Pastor CX prayed that God might grant me love and compassion, an area Ive struggled with for so long. Henceforth, bit by bit I noticed God was changing the way I dealt with people. They were no longer the means to accomplish my ends or to be compartmentalised into useful and useless, but that I was to love and reach out to.

As I reflect on the conversations I had today, I believe God used me to make a difference in their lives as well as to bless mine. Its really wonderful to know that we are moving from glory to glory day by day.