Knuckle and Beer

Had a great time with my SMU buds, catching up over dinner and beer at Paulaner. Only downside was that there was just too much Pork Knuckle and we felt really porky after awhile haha. Was good catching up and reminiscing on the old days.

Horses & Breakfast

Had the opportunity to have breakfast with Jean at Rider's on Tues to celebrate 2 months. It was a nice lazy morning with good food, a laidback vibe and wonderful conversation. A memorable experience indeed.

Amazed

This pic kinda captures abit of what happens in our relationship - amazement haha! I'm constantly amazed about the stuff we're learning about each other and ourselves. It's really a journey of discovery and there are times when it gets challenging and times when it all feels so right.

Sapped

Today Ma was being really tough and stubborn and resisted everything that I was trying to do for her own good. I tried in vain to rationalise and explain to her that going for therapy and all is for her own good and all she did was get frustrated and stubborn. It was difficult at that moment to continue being patient and loving but somehow deep within there was a strong desire to keep loving through it all.

Guess God is showing me how far I've come and the work He has done in my life, from doing acts out of duty and obligation to doing so from a heart of love and what a difference. Today even as I struggle in my life, I trust and put my faith in a "new" Christ and fiath, in whom I've known more and more through the Spirit's teaching of His word. It has helped me to have a living relationship with God and I realise the things I do, I do because of our relationship rather than mere obedience. Truly I see the law of the Spirit of Christ at work in me as opposed to the law of sin and death.

To Fight the Good Fight

Lately I've become contented with the life I'm living and the strife within me is dissipating gradually. This year is such a stark contrast from the previous year's busyness. I struggled with my significance and achievements and God has been reminding me that He is working in me so that He can work through me. It's a hard lesson for a guy to learn, given that we find our identity in our accomplishments and things we succeed in.

Through this season of taking care of Mom, God has taught me what it means to love. I've seen myself progressed from being very detached in supporting her, to really loving her well. It's truly God's way of experiential learning, and that obedience is first learnt then taught. I'm not very involved in ministry this year and it's a good opportunity to build the substructure of my inner life, to allow God to shape, mold and form my character, which is almost never an easy process. I've seen really ugly sides of me as the Spirit reveals and deals with and it makes me groan like Paul that "What a wretched man I am!" haha.

As I was preparing 1 Timothy for the guys mentoring, I was able to understand Paul's charge to Timothy to "fight the good fight" better. As Timothy was faced with a difficult time in having to correct the problems in the Ephesian Church leadership, Paul reminded Timothy of his responsibility and to persevere in both his ministry and life, of which there is no distinction. The phrase translated literally means to "war the good warfare" and it is really of a soldier fighting well to emerge victorious in a war, not just a single fight. Metaphorically, it is a reminder that we need to endure hardship and difficulties in this life of constant spiritual conflict and to stay true to our calling. I think it was Paul's way of slapping Timothy on his back and urging him to fight on with all he had as a good soldier. It is a great encouragement to me, to press on likewise and to give all I got in the service of my Lord.

How Now Should I live

Read the epistle of Philippians today and somehow there seems to be a common thread amongst all of em epistles on the goal of life - that God desires us to be conformed to the likeness of Christ. That when the believer realises the mercy, grace and extent of the love of God, then he will be moved to ask "How now should I live?"

Philippians talks about imitating Christ in attitude as opposed to false religiosity and it's truly a high calling. Again Paul exhorts the Philippians to "conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ", highlighting the transforming power of the gospel. I guess it takes the gospel to a level of greater appreciation in my life, over and above the four spiritual laws or Bridge to Life. It really is God's desire to redeem this fallen world.

So why are we saved? Well really it is to grow more and more to be like Christ and to labour for the cause of this gospel as God's plan for the redemption humanity.

Our Calling

I'm currently reading the epistle of Ephesians for 2 days already and it has been an awesome experience. Learnt to read the entire epistle at one go to understand its whole and to bear the intent of the author and the issues beset by the recpients to get a fuller understanding. The Holy Spirit has been giving me revelation after revelation and it just goes so deep into my inner man. Truly the Word of God is living and active!

A main focus of the epistle is calling and i've been mulling over this term; what is the calling of every believer? In the past I used to associate it with God's will for our lives, like "my calling is to Africa." Well thats more of a specific will of God, but in the Bible (with my limited understanding), it seems calling just simply refers to God calling us out of this world and into salvation, to live as aliens and strangers in this world, with the ultimate purpose of proclaiming praise of His glory and grace (c.f 1 Peter 2). And Paul elaborates both here and in other epistles, like Romans, on how great the mystery of the gospel that has been revealed, that God predestined befor all of eternity that we are to be adopted as sons and conformed to the likeness of His son, that is the will of God (c.f Romans 8).

So this begets the question, "how now should we live?" the answer is to live lives "worthy of the calling." 

Will be mulling more and I'll try to post more stuff that I learn. 

Soul Satisfaction

I've been struggling alot for the past few weeks with finding my sole satisfaction in Christ alone. For most parts I've acknowledged this fact cognitively, yet I find it so hard to really come to God for satisfaction, most often choosing to find pleasure in food, games, activities, accomplishments etc. It's a battle that is most wearisome but yet I know I must persevere, for all other pleasure have proved illusory and less than satisfying. 

Over this weekend, hearing Bonke and Ronald speak, I marvel at the message of the gospel at its simplicity and foolishness to the world. The gospel just states that I am a sinner from birth and in my present course I am unable to do any good because I am trapped in my sinful (Romans 3:23) and wreteched state and am on a course bound for destruction (Romans 6:23). But God so loved the world (John 3:16) and wants all men to be saved (1 Tim 2:4-5) that He sent Jesus to die as punishment for our sins to fulfil His righteous requirement (Rom 3:25). Now that the act of atonement is finished, whoever believes in Him, dies like Christ to the sinful nature and is raised to a new life in Christ (Rom 6:4). Our nature is changed from sinful to righteous (Rom 8:9-11). So now when we sin, it is an anomaly rather than the norm and we are in the process of being transformed from glory to glory all the while hoping and awaiting the final day when we are glorified with Him (Rom 8:23-25). What a privilege and blessing to be able to share in this life with Christ!

Help me Lord to share your gospel and let not fear or shame deter me.

Relief

Woke up this morning to a feeling I haven't had in awhile. The feeling of unbridled joy and a lack of the pressures and load of circumstances that have been weighing me down. It feels so good and such a relief to just be able to look forward into the day with anticipation and joy.

The release came in the midst of the 3rd song at last night's rally, when I just felt God's presence come over me and overwhelm me. I just sat down and wept like there were multiple implosions within my spirit man, like a parched soul drinking water after a long long time. God just unloaded all my fears, frustrations and sadness. 

Been feeling like all this while, I'm just living for others and I'm giving up so much to stay at home, doing ministry etc and though I know it matters, I just felt so boxed in, so weary of it all. Worse still I know that I'm just not able to rebel and throw it all off and just live my own selfish life but yet so torn within. And so I've been trudging on and ambling by bit by bit, dying slowly within and just coming to the end of myself. Until God broke through.

The release was just a reminder that nothing can ever satisfy or be the solution apart from Christ. That in my weakness, His strength is made perfect. And so I learnt once again how feeble I am and how magnificent God is and I am truly grateful and in awe of His grace and mercy. It both elevates and humbles and truly there is nothing good in me apart from Christ. 

In this season, I'm still in the wilderness, without clear direction and drive and i've leanrt to trust that nothing can seperate me from God's love and to continue to faithfully seek and abide in spite of the seemingly lack of stuff to do. It's a time of being and I'm learning to bide quietly in the Master's presence.

The Chef

Spent time over at Jean's on Sat and we decided to prepare a simple meal of Sushi, Cha Soba and Roast Chicken with a homemade tomato mushroom sauce. That's her cooking the sauce haha. Had great fun just doing stuff together and cooking. Went out after and the last pic was of us at 3 am at Tiong Bahru Macs, half dead from fatigue while waiting for her bro to come by haha. A great Saturday indeed.

Built To Last

Melee - Built To Last

I've looked for love in stranger places,

but never found someone like you.

Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,

and now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.

It warms the inside just like it should,

but most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.

So why didn't we believe it too?

Whoa yeah, now look where we are.

You're in my heart now.

And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.

It warms the inside just like it should,

but most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight

You and I were made to get love right

'Cause this is real, and this is good.

It warms the inside just like it should,

but most of all it's built to last.

'Cause you are the sun in my universe,

considered the best when we've felt the worst

and most of all it's built to last.

My Awesome Girl!

Just wanna let you guys know that jean and I are officially together and boy is it heady and surreal haha. Its been 6 months and 1 day since we talked about how we felt and finally God has brought the waiting period to a close as we embark on this new phase. Whoo hoo! Will post more soon :)javascript:void(0)

Rockstarz Wannabes

Kung Fu Fighting

Something I turned up while clearing my cupboard haha. Cute right? lol.

The Mail Scare

I was commenting to matt yesterday that the gahmen wouldnt bother to call me up for reservist cause they've just got too many clerks. Today I got a rude shock and I thought my day of reckoning had arrived. So with trepidation I tore open the perforated sides, anticipating the worst.

Lo and behold, it was just a reminder to notify mindef when i leave the country cause I didnt do it for my Malaysia trip. So I'm still on the holding list and very much relieved. False alarm haha.

Finally Here!

So happy when I got back from lunch with Matt to find my shipment of books here at last. Jolly expensive buy, but well knowledge is priceless aint it. Bought 2 books by mistake and tt ost me 75 sing man argh, prob find someone to unload. Oil Gas Production anyone? lol.

The Land of Half Price

Back from The Land of Half Price and it was a really enjoyable trip with the guys. Learnt alot about myself and I had a good time just bonding with em. We were eating like mad in the cities and doing crazy stuff like trekking and jumping of the jetty on the island. Here are my 7000 words.















Oh and not forgetting I skinned my head for RM6 as well LOL.

Almost New Speakers

Today I set up the Creative T20 speakers my uncle gave me. Was looking forward to to a new aural experience as I'm finding my current speakers somewhat muddy. Alas when it was all set up there was a hiss emanating from the left speaker. What made it worse was that the speakers sounded sooooo good haha. Music was so crisp and clear. Wasted man. Oh well, so I just plugged it out and settled for my old trusty speakers.

Sorry if anyone read this and thought it would be some interesting post only to realise it's just me whining on my speakers haha.

This season is pretty slow, not dry tho. Learning to explore the depths of my thirsty heart and to pursue God for the ultimate source of satisfaction and pleasure, that my appetite for pleasure might be raised to new heights, such that the lesser and corrupted pleasures will hold me no longer.

Amazed

I am amazed even in this period of dryness that you would still put the words on my lips that could reach and soothe the deepest part of the soul. I stand amazed at your love and power.

The Means to the End

Through this season of dryness when God seems far away and prayer and reading the Word seem so burdensome, I've realised that the primary goal in life is really knowing God; having that deep personal relationship with Him that transcends emotions and circumstances. To really "ah-ka-liao" with Him, that even if He seems silent I'll know wats on His heart or to obey Him faithfully when everything else within me seeks to rebel. 

Life really isn't about doing QT, ministry, cell, per se and all these can turn into a performance which we excel so well at. These are but means to the end. I've kinda focused on making sure I check these boxes off in my sojourn in the desert that I've missed the point- that it really isn't about doing all these, but seeking Him out (or Him seeking us).

It's indeed liberating.