Relief

Woke up this morning to a feeling I haven't had in awhile. The feeling of unbridled joy and a lack of the pressures and load of circumstances that have been weighing me down. It feels so good and such a relief to just be able to look forward into the day with anticipation and joy.

The release came in the midst of the 3rd song at last night's rally, when I just felt God's presence come over me and overwhelm me. I just sat down and wept like there were multiple implosions within my spirit man, like a parched soul drinking water after a long long time. God just unloaded all my fears, frustrations and sadness. 

Been feeling like all this while, I'm just living for others and I'm giving up so much to stay at home, doing ministry etc and though I know it matters, I just felt so boxed in, so weary of it all. Worse still I know that I'm just not able to rebel and throw it all off and just live my own selfish life but yet so torn within. And so I've been trudging on and ambling by bit by bit, dying slowly within and just coming to the end of myself. Until God broke through.

The release was just a reminder that nothing can ever satisfy or be the solution apart from Christ. That in my weakness, His strength is made perfect. And so I learnt once again how feeble I am and how magnificent God is and I am truly grateful and in awe of His grace and mercy. It both elevates and humbles and truly there is nothing good in me apart from Christ. 

In this season, I'm still in the wilderness, without clear direction and drive and i've leanrt to trust that nothing can seperate me from God's love and to continue to faithfully seek and abide in spite of the seemingly lack of stuff to do. It's a time of being and I'm learning to bide quietly in the Master's presence.