Introspective Saturday

Its slightly drizzling and nice. Just back from my haircut and mentoring with Suhui this morning. It was about identifying what God is currently doing in my life right now. Luke 24 tells of how 2 disciples who had Jesus walk with them on the road to Emmaus, and they didn't realise it was Him at all. Think the past few weeks have caused me to be really drawn away from God. I know He is there, somewhere, but I'm not in contact with Him. I try to seek Him intermittently in the lulls, but my hurried spirit just doesn't settle and then its time to get up and run again.

Mom's been forbidding me to go on the roadtrip to Kuantan and there is a desire to assert my independence and another to submit, to honour them. One part of me wants to move out and lead my own life, apart from their authority and interference. Such foolishness astounds me yet and yet rebelling is something so innate in me. And its something i've been doing since I was born. But I'm deciding to yield. Sure I may lose the deposit and the chance for a good break, but God is Lord and I want to obey. The challenge now is to yield and submit graciously, not grudgingly and its tough and demanding. But I do wish I had the liberty to do as I wanted, maybe in time.

I'm lost as to which direction I should pursue in the area of ministry, career and life in general. I cant really see past this year. Where is God leading me and how should I position myself. I find myself wading into unchartered territory only able to trust that God will lead me through. I'm doing my best to plan and prepare in this uncertain time and I guess the only thing I can do is to be faithful now and to continually seek God for His direction and wisdom.

I'm feeling a sense of sianess wash over me, something I haven't felt in awhile. But its good as it forces me to slow down and reflect, to ponder and tarry. Its here that I find rest and salve for my soul. To God be the glory, in all circumstances.