Faith

Of late my faith has been tested with bouts of loneliness and melancholy. Its still a pretty foreign feeling and I cant say im really adept at dealing with it. Its mighty unsettling.

In the course of the testing of my faith i've realised that there are 2 aspects to faith. This isnt based on scripture per se, just my personal rationalising. The first being the conviction of one's belief and the second the nature of the object/person of belief. Im struggling with the latter. Let me explain.

Throughout my Christian walk, ive always been sure of my belief in God and I considered my faith pretty unmovable or strong. In most aspects i think it holds true. However, when reconciled with my recent state of despair, I realised a deficiency of sorts. If it wasnt the strength of my belief then what was the root of my weakness? It dawned on me in service that I've made God too small in my eyes. Sure my belief in Him was strong, but what would that matter if I didnt believe He could do anything and everything.

I've never seen an actual demonstration of God's power, and my knowledge is only secondary. As such, in my mind I never truly believe or realised my God is the God of possibilities and this has limited many aspects of my walk. It affects my worship, prayer and daily walk. I guess I believe fervently and dogmatically in a God who says , or others say is powerful. I kinda never really internalised this concept of an omnipotent Jehovah.

I think it'll take time to grow through this, and its a new challenge to my walk. I can only ask God to open my eyes and my mind and to read the Word for a fresh perspective. Its something I believe will unlock something deep within, when Im able to say with complete conviction that my god is powerful and He can do anything. may the Lord guide my in my journey to know Him more and in yours too.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see ... And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."