Isolation

The past couple of months have been rather disorienting, with God seemingly close at times and uncomfortably distant at others. I felt rather lost and unsure of myself; whether I was doing anything wrong or what I could do right to reconnect with God. When God was near life had purpose and passion, when He withdrew, despondency and temptation grew strong.

Only just yesterday, did God reveal through a book that there are times when God places His people in isolation, where ministry and activities are taken away. In times like these, the focus shifts from doing to being and it is a time of intense character building with God tailoring specific lessons to teach and prepare us for His purposes.

Last year was a year of effectiveness, culminating in pushing Rhema to new heights, excelling at work and so on and I was ready for all God had in store for me, or rather more of what I thought God had in store for me. But it was not to be and I stepped down from formal ministry and took a leave of absence from work. It was great at first as I was occupied with work that allowed me to grow in the Word. However all that changed when I finished my last task of preparing the Philippians cell kit in June. Due to a mixture of fatigue and a desire to go back to work, I began to slack off in my walk and things went downhill and led to my state of despondency. It was a struggle to find meaning and purpose and I was restless to do something, anything! Tried reading and learning about the Oil and Gas industry, informed my HR that I'd wanted to go back, trained for my triathlon, anything to keep my mind sane haha, but nothing really helped cause I knew it was my relationship with God that mattered.

So bit by bit I had to come back to seeking God and I didn't feel connected initially and it was a series of spurts and stops. I still didn't know why I was going through all these and I was thinking, maybe God has rejected me? My faith was tested and I guess I was just plodding along slowly and at times just hanging on. But as I was reading The Making of a Leader by Robert Clinton, I began to discover the different development stages and processes God uses to mold and shape us and things began to become clear in retrospect. God wasn't sadistic or absent, rather this was a period that He had subjected me to to teach me things and it was necessary to stop trying to accomplish things but to reflect and meditate on all that as and is happening to learn the lessons. That really set me free to be at peace with where I am and to turn the focus back to God from my circumstances.

In this season of isolation, I have learnt the importance of my relationship with God, dependency on Him, character, patience, divine guidance, resisting temptation, the Word as the foundation for ministry, ministry is about relationships, a mentor has to be gracious with his mentees' shortcomings, ministry is first in the supernatural then the physical (prayer than service), timing, faith and trust, articulating my ministry philosophy, identifying and applying godly principles, my worth is in whose I am and I not who I am. This has been a maturing and deepening process and I could have easily missed what God was doing in my life and gone my own way. For that I am truly thankful and grateful to God, for Pron who has given me insights from time to time and jean for the listening ear and constant support. I don't know how long more this will last and I'm just trusting that when God's time is up, He will lead me on. SDG.