The Global Economy

Started on my exercise regime today and swum 20 laps this morning, after a 4 year haitus from the water. It was painful haha but i thoroughly enjoyed it. Went to the Delta pool and the place hasn't changed mush since the day I learnt to swim there when I was a kid. Brought back memories haha.

Spent a good deal of time this afternoon, surfing the web to find resources to understand the global economy and what's happening with the current situation. Got quite a few good sites and my current shopping cart stands at over US$200 haha, enough to last me a few months of good reading. Got a book on the economic crisis, 3 books on the oil industry, E.M Bound's works on prayer and a biography of George Mueller :) Also starting to read up on an old  International Economics text book (didnt realise it was by Paul Krugman lol).

Realised at the end of the day that I do have a knack for this business thing and i think its really a gift. I've got this ability/desire to see the macro picture and the cause and effect relationships at play. But as I was praying I realised that I have the choice to pursue it for personal gain and glory or to do so with the aim of glorifying GOd and extending His dominion and influence into redeeming this area of our fallen world. It is always a reminder to not get sucked in and to constanly hide myself in Him and remember the giver of the gifts and worship Him rather than the gifts or myself. Sobering indeed.

Take Your Rightful Place

"Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts."

Read 1 John this morning in a sleepy state but the last verse just hit home. This has been my perennial struggle to not let stuff get in the way and to settle for lesser pleasures. But its a good struggle and I thank God for His reminders.

Sabbatical

Today is the commencement of my Sabbatical and it's really a new phase. Got down to planning all the stuff I'd like to do and learn and it's really alot. Planning to head down to Jakarta in May over a weekend since Air Asia's got cheap fares to visit some friends. I really have no idea how things will pan out, but I'lll need to remember that I'm around to support my folks and that's most important.

Tasks vs Opportunities

If there was only one thing I learnt from Shell Life, this would probably be it. So many times in the last year or even in life, I've tend to look at work I was assigned to do as a task, with the sole purpose of completing and getting it out of the way. It showed in the level of dedication I accorded to it and reflected in the quality produced. I feel a sense of regret at the many times I settled for less than excellence. I'm challenging myself to view every piece of work as an opportunity, to do more than what is expected, to learn as much as I can, to glorify God in all I do and to really see that the work does have benefits to me. It is a paradigm shift that is most powerful and I am grateful for it.

The Pursuit of Happiness

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

This phrase came to mind in service this morning and it is by far the most famous and familiar historical expression found in the American Declaration of Independence. Over the years, it's original intent and meaning, espoused by the Founding Fathers, has been lost and distorted into a justification for the pursuit of hedonism by means of wealth, lifestyle, upward mobility etc. 

What they meant was that happiness was not a means to an end but the end in itself, not mere pleasure or wealth. It thus requires the distinction between an imaginary form of happiness and the most perfect and good form of happiness. And all of us are in some form or another pursuing it, and this could be in the form or wealth, sensual pleasure, status, power; wishfully thinking that it is attainable once the requisite level has been achieved. Often than nought, such happiness is illusory and momentary and I would be so bold as to assert that the ultimate sense of happiness can only be found in the good and perfect God.

Throughout the week while I was on course, I felt this gaping hole in my being, that nothing seemed to fill. All the socialising, the achievements, the fun and all couldn't satisfy and I felt oh so empty. Initially I attributed it to loneliness in a foreign land, but as I reflected, I realised I had neglected God due to my schedule and busyness. Day after day the emptiness was compounded and it wasn't until I worshipped this morning that his light shown through and I could feel His presence all over again. Truly apart from Christ I am nothing.Everything else at that point just didn't matter anymore and I realised that it is only in God that true peace and happiness can be attained.

More often than nought, my disappointments in life have been due to pursuing and settling for a substandard happiness that have proven time and again to be unsatisfactory and detrimental. I guess it is a timely reminder for me to truly set my sights and desire for the greatest good - God Himself and to pursue it all the days of my life.

Checked In

Am writing from the T2 transit area right now as I await my flight for KL. Got the timing a little mixed up and tot I was on the 1910 flight, when instead I'm on the 1945 one. Was really embarassing cause they all though they were late adn had to cancel their dinner order and rush to clear Immigration, only to realise we were on the 1945 flight haha. Got a big scolding haha.

Played a few lame XBOX games and gave up on that. So decided to just clock in an entry while waiting. Really excited to be travelling again and just taking a break from home. Mom cried when I left today and it was heart melting haha.

Pray that on this trip, I'll get the chance to really connect with my friends and to somehow share the Gospel with em someway or another :)

Wanderlust

I'm planning for a trip with the guys up north in good ol Malaysia in March and its jolly exciting. Currently the plan is to head up north by the Jungle Express to Kota Bahru, then we'll stay over for the night. The Thai border town of Sungei Kolok is an hour's bus ride, and if possible, it be nice ot pop in and out of Thailand for lunch ahaha, or just to get my passport stamped and the customary border crossing pics taken. 

Following day is to head down pass Kuala Trengannu and on to Marang, and hop on a speedboat for a 15 min ride to Pulau Kapas,also known as Cotton Island for its white sandy beaches and crystal clear waters. Hope it lives up to its hype. After 3D2N soaking the sun, sand and sea, its off to KL for one more night before catching a flight home on Sunday. Awesome stuff!

Even planning this trip stirs up something deep within, the urge to travel, to see new things, to get off the beaten track. Its so much a part of me to travel and explore, to break new ground. Just the other day I was salivating over the opportunity to one day travel from Beijing via Mongolia to Moscow on the trans-Siberian. Man what a heady exprience to travel throught the Russian hinterland, on the tracks laid down by Tsar Nicholas. One day God willing! haha.

Wanderlust.

Climbing Mount Kinabalu

Long overdue photos of my climb last year. Read more about it here.

Beauty in Diversity

I'm glad I did not go to AGBC for my Theological education. Today I was exposed to a differing view on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and a challenge to my entire Pentacostal belief system. I love it! 

It forces me to take a step back and think about what I believe in and its time for some serious study of scripture. I've been sitting at my comp for the last hour or so delving into the arguments from both camps and it sure is interesting. 

I'm approaching it with an open mind, as much as possible and both sides do have convincing arguments and it all boils down to interpretation of scripture really at the end of the day. I'm not done yet, but I'm still unconvinced that there is no additional Baptism of the Holy Spirit after salvation and that tongues are not to be sought or that not all will have it. But I'll continue to read, pray and ponder on this marvelous topic.

Wow I feel my mind expanding and my faith growing even as I learn more and more and truly it is such a blessing. Now only that I may be humble and know that it is God who reveals and instructs haha. Awesome.

If you want to find out more about the Pentacostal view on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, heres a good link.

Hard lessons

God has been revealing things to me about my heart and it ain't pretty. I'm a thinker and my mind does work pretty much when I'm analysing something and when I'm at it I kinda like it to make sense, be sound and compelling. Nice and well, but there's a part of me that is just so pompous and full of my own intellectual pride.

Was at night class tonight and was grouped to discuss the theological aspects of workplace safety (there was smoking, littering, clearing up in food courts etc) and throughout the discussion I was rather irritated with the other 2 members who just couldn't seem to frame the issue and contribute constructively to a proper analysis and critique of the issue at hand. And so in my heart I battled and struggled and it was hard to adopt an attitude of humility (like in Phil) and love. And after we wrapped up and we just chatted, I found myself really liking them and they were real nice folks. And I just felt an anguish in my soul as to my pride throughout the whole time, though I don't think they kinda detected any condescension or anything haha.

Plus there was cell last week and I was going on arguing about the theological aspect of how God is always fair and all and at the end of it I realised I was probably just trying to parade my intellectual ability. Woe is me! haha. And one thing I realised was that knowledge doesn't change lives. For all the debate we had on the fairness of God, it was all really academic and theoretical., until I heard about someone's struggles and how irrelevant that discussion really was if the tangible love of God was not shown. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Haha. Yes frustration abounds, but well I'm growing haha :)

Unfailing Love

Was on this beach in Danang, Vietnam where my life took a turn for the better. I woke up early each morning and headed to the windswept beach and at the very depths of my desperation I cried out to God to feel His presence again, to get right with Him and to change me at my most ugly state. And He answered and I've never been the same since. Truly He is faithful when we are unfatihful and will have mercy when we turn from our sinful ways and seek Him. I am so grateful for His unfailing love in my life.

My Greatest Fear

This year's theme is worship and the sermons on it have made an impact. Learnt that worship is about lifestyle, not songs and at its essence its making God the only God in our lives. As we journey through there will be antichrists (things/people/teachings that strive to take the place of Christ) and it will be a daily battle to crucify my flesh and take up my cross and follow Him. Which leads me to my greatest fear - that I will succumb to my shadow mission.

Over the past year, God has been revealing more about my calling and purpose and depositing His vision for my life in me. And great things and an abundant life are in store, only if I will obey Him and make Him the only Lord in my life. However, on the flip side I have a shadow mission - the mission that sets itself up against what God has intended for me.

My shadow mission, and my greatest fear is that I will submit to the lure of money, sex and power, all of which are good things, but when pursued as ends in themselves, threaten to derail and corrupt my holy calling. At various points in my life, I've fallen prey and have witnessed their debilitating effect on my life and faith.

So as I journey on, I think this is a good fear to embrace to always remind me of my frailty and how I need to be renewed daily and to choose to worship God and Him alone. So as in the words of Paul,

"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."

Bang Bang

Sunday was real exciting cause I got to go shooting with shotguns and pistols as part of the Shooting Sampler Program offered by Singapore Shooting Association, all for $120.

Started the day off at the Bukit Timah Range (middle pic) where we shot clay discs (aka pigeons) with 12 gauge (last pic) shotguns. Fired off about 20 rounds and probably hit like 8-10 targets. Not that easy as the aim is more feel than accuracy as opposed to rifle shooting. Had some problems at the start but once I corrected my aiming method, I was consistently hitting the targets. Woot! Its really gratifying to pull the trigger and hear the boom and see the clay pigeon shatter, concluding with the acrid smell of cordite. Pure bliss haha. I'll probably head back one day, especially after a tough week haha. Great stress relief.

Pistols were a little harder as the sights and all were trickier to master. Shot a HK USP, Beretta 92 and a CZ something. Great experience and I finally get to shoot the guns in real life as opposed to the games. Btw the Beretta is one piece of crap. Loved the USP, loaded well, very stable and predictable and real accurate.

Weary

Just off a telecon, though I'm home on MC. Down with a mild cold with a sore throat and fatigue zzz. Think the fatigue has sapped me much and its affecting my relationship with God. I just didn't feel like connecting and spending time with Him and it left me feeling really empty. Struggled through today to enter His presence and to feel Him near again. But then I realized, that there isn't anything I can do to enter into His presence, except to depend on Him and not on my own piousness. So I yielded and placed my dependence on Him and asked that He would just come in and take His rightful place, and then I felt Him near again.

Think its always a struggle to depend on my own strength and ability to see me through life and that really is sin, to think i can make it on my own. So just gonna take time to wait on Him and just tarry in His presence.

Char Siew DIY

Came back after a long day and I was pooped. Think I'm falling sick. And as much as I wanted to rest, there was 2 strips of pork marinating in my fidge since Sunday and thus I had to force myself to grill it.

So heres the end product after 1.5 hours of grilling and washing up. Now I know why they give so little char siew, cause the meat just shrank and all I had left was like 15 slices. Of course I "tested" some in the process of cutting haha.

A little salty but overall pretty nice. Will use less ready marinade the next time in favour of a homemead brew.

To you... Best Friend ;)

More of You

This post marks the end of a long break from work when I worked a grand total of 4.5 days over the last 2 weeks. Tomorrow I'll be back to my job in the new year, busy with tidying up and handing over the last bits of my portfolio and managing the transition of outstanding issues. I've got several projects that I'll need to complete in the meantime as well. Will work for another 6 more weeks before I head up to KL for my 1 week Shell Life course, and good ol KL Hokkien Mee haha.

The year has been good thus far and lately, Ive been stirred in my spirit for more of God, to experience more of Him in 2009. Sure there'll be things to do and growth to aim for, but my heart's desire is to really know Him so much more, to taste and see for myself that He is good. I desire more than knowing about Him and I want to experience His presence throughout my days, to commune with Him and have Him direct my path according to His will. I desire to seek that dunamis power that the gospel promises, that my life might be transformed and to be able to testify of that impact and to allow others to have a tangible experience of the power of the gospel. Paul says in Acts 1:16 that he isnt ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of those who believe. And the reason why he could boldly proclaim the gospel was because he experienced its power and knew without a doubt that this was the real deal.

So I'm planning to just remember all that God has done for me and in me and I'm sure that at the end, I'll have a really powerful testimony to share. Also I'm gonna crave for more of Him, to walk in the supernatural, to leap off the cliff in faith and to really ask that He let me get out of the boat and onto the water. This is my prayer for 2009.

"I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!" Phil 3:10-11

Merry Christmas!

Kicked off the season with a nice dinner at Hann's place on tuesday and tonight i'm cooking Bak Kut Teh Mee Sua, cause I'm a tad sick of the meats and "traditional" Christmas fare. To think of it, I haven't eaten a single sliver of turkey, well thats cause I have a disdain for that ol bird.

Spent the morning doing my annual shopping and came home and cleared out 3 big bags of old clothes. Gonna have to find time to bring it down to the Salvation Army tomorrow. Tonight after dinner, we're gonna catch bedtime Stories at Downtown East then send Cher and Rach off at the airport. Man this post is so Twitter-esque.

Just recovered from the post Rhema fatigue and life's been looking up. I'm disciplining myself to read my Bible daily and to really grow in 2009. Many things are coming my way next year and the focus will be on reaching and raising. Learning to make evangelism a lifestyle and to share whenever the opportunity presents itself. Will also be mentoring a few key guys next year with Pron, even as he mentors me and we really hope to see the guys built up (haha the perennial hope), but it takes time and this year I'm really thankful for just being able to build relationships with Corn, David and Kenneth. Next year will really be interesting.

I thank God for this year and His providence. For seeing me through and really His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I took up so many things this year by faith and one by one God has accomplished them through me. I stand back at the close of this year and I really marvel at the outcome. There were points when I felt that I couldn't carry on and wanted to throw in the towel but somehow, God always delivered. It has been a year of discovering God, seeing with eyes of faith over the physical, my weaknesses brought to bear, and God's power being made known. Humbly I give thanks and look forward to the year ahead in Christ.

Rested

Back from the blogging hiatus and life has been real rich haha (good, bad all rolled into one, rather complex). Just ended leaders retreat and I came home, spent some time with Ma and knocked out. Woke up with the I miss camp feeling which I havent experienced for a long time haha and just enjoyed the day resting. Went for a walk with the folks at Henderson Waves and we got Ma to stand to watch the scenery from the middle adn she let out a loud "Wa!" haha. Just cooked dinner and waiting to eat.

Hmm, I dun think I could recap everything that's happened thus far, but it was a period of immense stress, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I felt worn down but by bit as I had to juggle work, Rhema, home, leader's retreat and all. To me the biggest struggle through that time was to maintain my relationship with God even through the busyness and heavy spirit. There came a point over the last weekend that I just felt I couldnt go on anymore. I just felt like dropping everything and taking a nice long nap haha. But somehow God sustained me, taught me lessons, exposed my character flaws and affirmed me through the Retreat and it was beautiful, to meet God at my wit's end and to just enjoy Him.

Am well rested and its been a long time I've had such a clear mind and a heart at rest. Am thankful to God for everything thus far. Its been awesome.

Life in General

Its been some time since I last posted about Mom. She's been doing great and her recovery is progressing well. She currently now at TTSH Rehab at AMK Hospital and shes expected to stay there for the month of Nov for intensive daily rehab. They're training her to walk, sit and coordinate her movements and stimulate her swallowing. She's been pretty emotional, sometimes laughing and crying for no reason, could be due to neurological as opposed to pscychological reasons. On the whole all's looking good.

Shuttling up everyday is tiring though. I usually head up after work if its a full day in the office and stay till about nine plus. Most times Im so zonked at the end of the day that I just go there and watch TV - theres this nice 9pm Channel 8 drama on HIV haha. Sometimes Mom slaps me irritably motioning me to pay attention to her instead haha.

Works been good, with a new found purpose since Ive made the decision to not go into full time ministry. Ive learnt that significance is derived from the difference I make to the lives of the people around me as opposed to my vocation, the call to spiritualise the secular. So if I'm gonna be around, then I'll jolly give my all to be the best finance guy around for His glory.

Dads and Dads to Be

When I watched this video, I recalled my growing years and how Dad played a pivotal role in my life. He wasn't perfect and I picked up both the good and the bad. But he was there for me and showed me what being a man was about. I wondered if my Dad could have been better, but I know he was the best he could be. Of all the roles, the most pivotal was that he mirrored, albeit poorly the love of my Father in heaven, who is perfect in every way.

In the same way, I am challenged to be the man God has called me to be now as the youths are watching and later on in my family for my kids, that in all things, the love of the Father might be reflected in me. For the men out there, may we embrace God's call to living a life of integrity, love, courage and humility for His glory.

KTM Supper

Was at KTM on Deepavali Eve. Obviously we were high on teh and doing crazy stuff on Malaysian land haha.

ACE

Was going through my hard drive and I came across these pics and decided to learn how to string em together in an animated gif. Realised Imageready and Vista are so not compatible. At least I managed to get something out haha.

This is dedicated to you boys who have grown and are on the threshold of becoming men. It was a great time and I thank God for bring you all into my life and using imperfect me to make a difference in your lives. It was swell, looking back haha. Too many Macs breakfasts too lol.

Why Don't U Got to Church

As I watched this video, it broke my heart and stirred within me a desire to reach the lost. Not to force dogma or religion on others, but to hear them out and understand the issues and needs they face and somehow show them who Jesus is?

I've been considering full time ministry and I'm really afraid that its just a form of escapism from the world's system. We're called to be full time Christians whether or not we work in Church and to reach the lost. If I'm currently not as effective as I'd like to be in where I am now and completely discontented, then what difference would it make if I went into full time? Isn't the bulk of the lost out there in the marketplace and not in a Church? Its just a blunt and honest reflection and I'm really really giving this alot of thought as to where I can be most effective.



Watching this video makes me cringe and leaves me sad that sometimes the Church has missed the mark. Have we focused more on theatrics and fancy buildings and attendance than real spiritual transformation and being a shining light in this dark world. I stand convicted and guilty and I repent of my apathy and lack of love for others. Even as I reflect, I pray that Rhema will not be one fancy circus with lights and fog machines but yet we miss the point that its all about meeting God. Sigh.

Reflections

Work has been good thus far, though not terribly exciting, Ive been able to deal with whatever comes my way and its really because each morning I wake and realise I really do not know how im going to surmount the challenges fo the day and come to God for strength and wisdom. Time after time, He has seen me through and slowly the fear and apprehension I once felt each Sunday as the week loomed slowly dissipates.

A big struggle I have is the inertia and laziness to guard my heart and Ive realised that my heart naturally tends to slip away if I don't do anything about it. Woke this morning feeling rather distant and its time I reoriented my soul back to God and to discipline my life once again. Need to cut out the things that distract, exercise and eat healthily and rest well haha. ALso Ive realised theres a fine line between sharing my unhappiness and complaining on and on and it eats me up within. Its been awhile since I thanked God for everything and to acknowledge His goodness in my life. Sheesh.

Tomorrow I'm taking half a day off to have lunch with Joey, and its been awhile since we caught up bro. Gonna do some grocery shopping and cook a nice dinner for Dad since its his birthday and my telecon call tonight got cancelled haha woot!

Ok break over. Back to productive labour.

A Semblance of Normalcy

Its been more than a month since Mom was hosptialised and shes now recuperating at home. Shes made a whole lot of progress and can smile, move her left limbs, move my head to her for her to kiss me and its really a miracle that shes reached thus far. Indeed God has been so close and it has been a journey of faith, driven by an utter sense of despondency requiring absolute dependency.

I'm back to work and time off is a rarity now. But I think work helps break the monotony and helps with the caregiver stress. I don't really do much and sometimes its hard being there all the time, but its teaching me to care and love others.

Besides all these, theres a friendship that I'm most thankful for, you know who you are haha and its has been awesome thus far :):)

So life is far from normal and when people ask hows life, I tell them it's rich. There so many things I'm experiencing and learning with God moulding and shaping my inner man. Truly the Christian life is one of purpose and meaning and I wouldn't trade it for anyting else.

Our Security

I really do not know what lies on the road ahead and it seems wrought with challenges, yet with promises of joy and celebration and I guess thats really what life is about. But what's different is the knowledge that through the ups and downs, Christ is the focus and my life is continually transformed daily and that my security, my all is in Him. And at times when I feel that I'm totally powerless to affect any change, I am reminded that I need to cultivate a dependency on Him, to be plugged into the vine that gives life abundantly.

Hosanna

"I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none. So I will pour out my wrath on them and consume them with my fiery anger, bringing down on their own heads all they have done, declares the Sovereign LORD."

How To Waste Your Theological Education

Found this post while surfing this morning. Alot of it applies to life in general and ministry too. Food for thought.

1. Cultivate pride by writing only to impress your professors instead of writing to better understand and more clearly communicate truth.

2. Perfect the fine art of corner-cutting by not really researching for a paper but instead writing your uneducated and unsubstantiated opinions and filling them in with strategically placed footnotes.

3. Mistake the amount of education you receive with the actual knowledge you obtain. Keep telling yourself, “I’ll really start learning this stuff when I do my Th.M or my Ph.D.”

4. Nurture an attitude of superiority, competition, and condescension toward fellow seminary students. Secretly speak ill of them with friends and with your spouse.

5. Regularly question the wisdom and competency of your professors. Find ways to disrespect your professors by questioning them publicly in class and by trying to make them look foolish.

6. Neglect personal worship, Bible reading and prayer.

7. Don’t evangelize your neighbors.

8. Practice misquoting and misrepresenting positions and ideas you don’t agree with. Be lazy and don’t attempt to understand opposing views; instead, nurse your prejudices and exalt your opinions by superficial reading and listening.

9. Give your opinion as often as possible - especially in class. Ask questions that show off your knowledge instead of questions that demonstrate a genuine inquiry.

10. Speak of heretical movements, teachers, and doctrine with an air of disdain and levity.

11. Find better things to do than serve in your local church.

12. Fill your life with questionable movies, television, internet, and music.

13. Set aside fellowship and accountability with fellow brothers in Christ.

14. Let your study of divine things become dull, boring, lifeless, and mundane.

15. Chip away at your integrity by signing your school’s covenant and then breaking it under the delusion that, “Those rules are legalistic anyway.”

16. Don’t read to learn; read only to refute what you believe is wrong.

17. Convince yourself that you already know all this stuff.

18. Just study. Don’t exercise, spend time with your family, or work.

19. Save major papers for the last possible moment so that you can ensure that you don’t really learn anything by writing them.

20. Don’t waste your time forming friendships with your professors and those older and wiser than you.

21. Make the mistake of thinking that your education guarantees your success in ministry.

22. Don’t study devotionally. You’ll never make it as a big time scholar if you do that. Scholars need to be cool, detached, and unbiased - certainly not Jesus freaks.

23. Day dream about future opportunities to the point that you get nothing out of your current opportunity to learn God’s Word.

24. Do other things while in class instead of listening - like homework, scheduling, letter-writing, and email.

25. Spend more time blogging than studying.

26. Avoid chapel and other opportunities for corporate worship.

27. Argue angrily with those who don’t see things your way. Whatever you do, don’t read and meditate on II Timothy 2:24-26 and James 3:13-18 as you prepare for ministry.

28. Set your hopes on an easy, cushy pastorate for when you graduate. Determine now not to obey God when he calls you to serve in a difficult church.

29. Look forward to the day when you won’t have to concern yourself with all this theology and when you will be able to just “preach Jesus.”

30. Forget that your primary responsibility is care for your family through provision, shepherding, and leadership.

31. Master Calvin, Owen, and Edwards, but not the Law, Prophets, and Apostles.

32. Gain knowledge in order to merely teach others. Don’t expend the effort it takes to deal with your own heart.

33. Pick apart your pastor’s sermons every week. Only point out his mistakes and his poor theological reasoning so you don’t have to be convicted by anything he says.

34. Protect yourself from real fellowship by only talking about theology and never about your personal spiritual issues, sin, and struggles.

35. Comfort yourself with the delusion that you will start seriously dealing with sin as soon as you become a pastor; right now it’s not really that big a deal.

36. Don’t serve the poor, visit the sick, or care for widows and orphans - save that stuff for the uneducated, non-seminary trained, lay Christians.

37. Keep telling yourself that you want to preach, but don’t ever seek opportunities to preach, especially at local rescue missions and nursing homes. Wait until your church candidacy to preach your first sermon.

38. Let envy keep you from profiting from sermons preached by fellow students.

39. Resent behind-the-scenes, unrecognized service. Only serve in areas where you are sure you will receive praise and accolades.

40. Appear spiritual and knowledgeable at all costs. Don’t let others see your imperfections and ignorance, even if it means you have to lie.

41. Love books and theology and ministry more than the Lord Jesus Christ.

42. Let your passion for the gospel be replaced by passion for complex doctrinal speculation.

43. Become angry, resentful and devastated when you receive something less than an A.

44. Let your excitement for ministry increase or decrease in direct proportion to the accolades or criticisms you receive from your professors.

45. Don’t really try to learn the languages - let Bible Works do all the work for you.

Original post can be found here.

My Prayer

Dear Father, stir within my soul a passion for my generation and a love that will overcome all my inertia and apathy. Help me see that without you, men and women will surely perish. May my life's goal be to make disciples of the people you have placed around me and further out into the nations as you lead. May my life be poured out as a drink offering, pleasing unto You. I am poor, and greatly in need. So empower me to do your will and grant me great success! Amen :)

Lost & Found

Today was Big Sweep Cupboard Saturday (Da Shao Chu) when we rearranged the furnitture to get the house ready for Ma's return. Moved the TV cabinet and my bed to the study room which will now be the nurse's room, shifted Ma's hospital bed into her old room and put the split the study desk between her room and the hall where my desktop is right now. Big time moving and cleaning sia.

One great surprise out of the whole operation, was that I found my iPod v2 haha. It fell behind my desk and somehow it never dawned on me to search there, or maybe I just wasn't thorough, as usual haha. Was hoping to find my handphone too, alas I think its beyond redemption somewhere out there.

Karang guni man just came by and I sold him an old handphone for 2 bucks haha, enough to eat Kuay Peng haha. Listening to Forever Young now, eh its just changed to We Believe. Its a very queer day haha.

Both of Ma's eyes can now open and she can raise her hands and all trying to pull out her tube haha, bad momma. Really excited for her to come home so we can really spend more time in a familiar evnvironment and it wont be so tiring or us all.

Boss just told me they granted me my sabbatical of one year and I'll probably leave end Jan when the replacement comes. So will see how things unfold in due course.

Good News

Just got an sms from Dad saying that the buyer of our Kim Tian Flat has agreed to drop the purchase, so we wont be having to move after all. Thank God for this! It's definitely another load off.

Working, or at least trying to, from home today. Not having to dress up and go in is really nice haha. Got a report which I need to churn out by tomorrow, so I should start cracking.

I'm looking forward to Christmas this year, the close of a challenging but wonderful year. Hoping that ACS will be a possibility again. Christmas is nice haha.

Rest

Today was a day of rest and I am thankful for it.

Wasn't the wisest of sorts as I played Battle Stations Midway till 0030. Think I just wanted some entertainment and mind numbing time. But alas when I woke this morning I was zonked and I had to drag myself to work and my day was horrid. Buddy treated me to lunch at Curry Favour, which was great, then I headed home to crash. Was knocked out for 2 hours straight and am now back at the hospital. Am in a pensive and prayerful state as I'm typing this. I've found physical rest, but I realised I've neglected entering into God's presence for quite awhile and its been really empty. But the hunger draws me to seek Him and to find true rest.

Moved: Ward 44 Bed 25

For those visiting, Mom's been moved to her own room at Ward 44 Bed 25, like how cool la haha? Blogging next to her right now, she looks alot better, been coughing up alot of phlegm cause of her trachy.

Cooked Small White Veg (xiao bai cai) this afternoon and will probably head home to steam a couple of fish. The whole routine really no joke man. I'm like super shack liao and I'm just hanging in there. Theres lots of work to be done at work but I'm mostly effective in the morning only and the afternoons are really spent takin care of the house stuff or with Mom.

Ok I should get down to doing my work.

Song of the Moment

Our Hope

My harddisk was acting up over the weekend so I decided to get a new one to back it up before all the data goes kaput. Bought a new 500GB Seagate Barracuda drive and since I couldnt find my old XP OS, I relunctantly had to downgrade to Vista haha. So been busy over the last couple of days installing and backing up my drives so now I have a combined storage space of a whopping three quarters of a terabyte (750GB). I'm wondering how I am ever gonna use up all that space. Vista seems to be working fine, its definitely more swanky and I could upgrade my sound card drivers, to maximise all that X-Fi goodness. Music never sounded so crisp and clear :)

Ok nuff geekspeak. Mom's the same as usual, maybe I should stop saying same and only post if theres a difference haha. But even though it may not be apparent, I believe God is healing her bit by bit within and I thank God for every single new day. This afternoon while testing my new soundcard drivers, I worshipped to At the Foot of the Cross and I realeased all the accumulated burdens and weariness in the presence of God and I weeped so freely at the comfort and embrace of the Holy Spirit. Truly He is Emmanuel. I've also taken a step to explore moving in the direction of full time ministry. There's no specific call, but this incident has stirred within me a hunger and passion to serve God at a different level, to pursue a life of eternal significance and to just lay everything temporal aside.

A beautiful verse that Dad shared with me last week really hit home, that one day all the suffering, wealth, joy will be eclipsed by the new life we will have in God. That day holds promise that everything will be made new and it is the believer's hope, irregardless of his current circumstance.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Rev 21: 3-4

Week 2

Mom's getting better day by day, though she's still unconscious. Her eyes do open from time to time and she seems to be responding somewhat. We're making preparations to bring her home and we're getting the equipment and a nurse for her. Dad and I are also planning the layout of the house to accommodate her and her needs so thats cool.

its been rather tiring, going to and fro from the hospital, juggling work and making all the arrangements at home. We're also hoping the buyer of our flat will revert with positive news that he wont proceed with the purchase and we can get to keep the house so that mom has a familiar place to recover.

Tommorrow is a brand new week, with its own challenges and joys. Am trusting God to lead me on and am taking it a day at a time. To God be the glory!

Down But Not Out

This has taken a toll on my body and I'm down with a slight cold. Been going into work in the mornings and heading off in the afternoons. Today I went home to cook lunch and nap and now am at the hospital. Mom's doing alright and more or less the same. Docs say they'll be performing more scans and test over the next few days.

I really feel like dropping everything and just sleep. When I go to work, my heart's just not in it, but I know I have an obligation. Sometimes I wonder where is my life heading, will this be the life 2-3 years down the road? Will I ever amount to anything? It's times like these that I find my faith tested and the only thing I can do is to worship and remember how great our God is and that He will deliver.

Many things are looking good too, the Farrer Road house transactions seems close to being settled. We're downgrading to a B1 ward to enjoy the subsidies since theres no differentiation currently in the high dependency ward. There's reassurance and care from many people and that's really worth giving thanks for.

I am seriously considering taking a year off completely to care for mum and to go to Bible School. Its another unknown, but I've been thinking through it and this incident has really made me reassess what's really important to me. With this decision, I'll have to forgo the sense of financial security, though I believe that is a mirage. The greatest fear is entering a full time calling and realising that maybe I just wasn't cut out for it. Its alot harder than a secular job, cause striving and effort just doesn't translate to success. But these are just fears and worries. If God has brought me safe thus far, then I'm sure He'll lead me all the way.

Work

Mom's condition has been the same since Saturday and sometimes its rather disheartening. But as I look at her, I learn to yield the time for her recovery to God and to see with eyes of faith that there is healing at work though it doesn't seem apparent in the physical.

I've rejected the offer to move to the bank and I've asked for a one year sabbatical from Shell. My boss has been understanding but that option will have to be approved by HR. To get a replacement is pretty tough right now and I'll probably be expected to carry on with my present job till the end of the year before i can effectively hand over. But I'm able to work virtually and unless there's a need for face to face interaction, I'll probably work at home or at the hospital. Boss has also offered me the option to work part time, with a 50% reduction in pay and jobscope to have the flexibility to support Ma through her rehabilitation and that'll give me some continuity in the job.

So I'm praying for wisdom to decide and to trust God for His direction and provision even though this trying season.

Moving

Mom got shifted out from ICU to the Neuro High Dependency Ward today as she's doing pretty well. Its a good sign and she's definitely improving with more eye and jaw movements, and we're hoping she'll be able to wake tomorrow. The standard of care at the new ward seems much lower and the nurses seem to be really busy about and not really focusing on the patients. Its a stark contrast to the knowledgable and friendly ICU nurses and it leaves me with a sense of foreboding, plus Dad is paying A1 ward rates. Oh well, I'm just going to have to observe and see how the situation progresses further before deciding on the next course of action.

Today I'm feeling somewhat fearful and weary and I'm gonna sped time seeking God for His strength and comfort.

Sustenance

Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Today is area cleaning day, and we cleaned the house, did the laundry and cooked lunch. We talked briefly about the future and our work and Ma. There'll probably be alot of adjustements especially during the first 3 months with daily therapy. Most of the recovery takes place within the first year, so I might even consider taking an extended leave of absence or quit my work. Dad also raised the point that the longer Ma takes to wake, the slimmer her chances are for recovery. Guess thats a real fear on my side, but I'm just gonna take each phase at a time and now its just waiting for her to wake. Each new day without her waking does exact its toil without any good news to lift our spirits and respond to the enquiries.

But I've learnt to give thanks for the little things, like the weather, having Dad around, for Ma's little movements and all. Saying grace over breakfast really hit home and now I truly understand the concept of grace and how I've always taken grace somewhat for granted. Life has slowed and my schedule is predictable, but with Christ in the vessel I can smile at the storm :)

Third Day

Back from NUH. Its been a long day, but a good one with great liang cha HAHA ;) Was supposed to head for PnP but on the way there on the MRT I sensed a desire to head home and just be with Dad. Was worried that he may not be ready to walk into a dark empty home yet. So now I'm blogging, listening to Christmas Carols (which Ma adores) and waiting for De.

My heart is a wee bit heavy with a tinge of melancholy. I miss her so much, the touch, the smell, the nagging and everything about her. Read Psalms 23 and 2 Same 22 to her today and it was also strengthening to me as well. Dad's doing much better today and we're just there leaning and supporting each other.

I do hope Ma improves over the weekend, if not I dunno how we're gonna go back to work. That is one my biggest concerns on how we can adapt and return to a semblance or normalcy, though definitely things will be different. Well i'll cope like every other day this week - one day at a time. I'll leave Monday for God to worry about.

She's shown signs of improvement, with twiching eyelids, swallowing and moving her jaw. All could be involuntary reflexes or they may be in response to our voice. Shes def showing more movement than previously which is a good sign. Just learning to be patient and to walk with God through the process.

Lunch

Another first for today, made lunch for me and Dad. Went through the fridge last night to see what my Ma had bought and theres still 3 dayas worth of food. It was a really emotional experience cause Ma was such a good cook and I will miss er food so much. But I can whip up a thing or two still, so I decided that today's lunch will be Teochew Style Steamed Garoupa and Stir Fried Kailan with XO. The Kailan is done and its more or less like what we used to have hyak hyak and the Garoupa is steaming away. Its really gratifying to cook a real homecooked meal, not just those fancy ang mo dishes and to remember Ma's cooking, something we always took for granted. I remarked to Dad that Ma was so efficient and she could def do t in half the time we took bumbling around the kitchen haha, but hey shes got 30 years of experience and theres always a start.

Gonna head down after lunch and heard from a friend who went down this morning that Ma responds by tearing and thats really a good sign. Prayed over breakfast with Dad and we read Phil 4:6-7 and the verse really does take on a fresh and new meaning.

Progress!

It was an eventful and beautiful day. The witnessing of the outpouring of love and support from everyone was overwhelming. Wanna say a big thank you to everyone who's lent their support, Pron, Jean, Max & Jac, Joey, Joel, Hann, Wendy, Joy, Serene, CS & Es, Suhui, Collin, Cher, Kenneth and so many more. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Me and Dad have instituted a new practice which I wanna make sure it becomes a habit. Before we leave for the hospital and after we return at the end of the day, we hug and take turns to pray. In the morning we pray for the day and in the evening we give thanks and pray for rest. Its a time of communion, bonding and release as we weep and rejoice all in that short span of time.

Been able to talk abit about God to my relatives, sharing with them my source of joy, peace and strength to help them see that God is indeed real and that there's so much worth living for. I can see His hand in different ways, from the doc who said "your prayers worked" to the people who just came by and the acts of kindness done.

Read abit from Phillip Yancey's book - Prayer. Gleaned quite a fresh perspective on praying for healing. While God does heal supernaturally, most people tend to recover through the body's natural means of healing and that in itself is a miracle. So while I do believe and hope that God can heal her instantaneously and she can walk out, I know that chances are she might recover slowly and after a few years of therapy to regain her abilities if possible. So it is with this that I approach God, knowing that His will is not for my mom to remain afflicted, but understanding He has His ways of healing.

So now onto the title of my post. Though Ma is still unconscious, the signs have been improving steadily over the course of the day. This morning she was still unresponsive, but towards the evening, her tongue and mouth is able to move a little and Dad says her eyeballs can roll under her eyelids. We went to Audio House this afternoon and I bought her a really cool music player cause you can plug a thumbdrive into it and it plays the songs from there. Like how pro la! So I ripped some of her favourite CDs like Christmas carols and all and just loaded it up for her :) so sweet right ahaha.

So the day's ending on a high and I'm having faith in God that He will deliver our Family.

Praying By Faith

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Met the doc this morning and got an update on her condition. Good news is that the bleeding has ceased and the clots are removed from the op and she is stable. Right now we are waiting for her to regain consciousness to determine the extent of the damage. The bleed has affected the left side of the brain which in 80% of the population is the dominant side, responsible for most of the body functions. This has great implications on my mom's recovery. Nevertheless, today I received an impression to pray by faith rather than by fear. To see beyond the physical and into the supernatural.

Will be heading down again soon to just check on her during visiting hours. Time seems to grind to a halt and we're living each day at a time. But today is the day that He has made, and I shall rejoice and be glad in it :)

What For?

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."


At the close of the day I wonder why did all this happen? What does God have in mind right now? I do not have the answers to the questions, only His reassurance through the day. From deep within I hear his voice saying she'll pull through and that if I, her son am concerned, what more Him as her heavenly Father. So with that I'm assured that our Father has her interests at heart and He's gonna see her through.

Today I started the day with the notion that if God heals thats great but if my mom goes thats also ok. I guess at the end of today, its changed a little. I have yielded the outcome to Him but I shall press in earnestly to knock on heaven's doors for my mom's healing. To be persistent in prayer and to seek His will. I believe by faith that He can heal my mom and I shall not let it go without prayer. So I really thank God for everyone who has come by today and prayed and lent their support. It was really great and comforting.

I went into her room this the morning, all I could do was tell my Ma that I love her and am here. Then I just worshiped and prayed there and the presence of God just surrounded and filled me through and through that I just wept in joy and gladness, in the midst of the longing and pain. Another memorable instance was when we reached home and I just hugged my dad and I cried on his shoulder and we just comforted and assured each other. Father and son don't normally share or connect deep, but this has brought us so very close to the point where we acknowledge that we're gonna have to look out for each other from now on.

Irrespective of the outcome, there's one thing I hope so much besides my mom's recovery and that's to see my extended family saved. They're all very shaken by this and I hope that they see the brevity and frailty of life, which is like a vapor or a flower here today and gone tomorrow. I pray that they will come to see the beauty and love of God through this situation and I'm praying that the power of God can be shown through my mom's healing. May they come to know Christ and the real life that He has to offer. Do pray that I'll be able to speak to them and share the gospel to them with boldness, love and urgency.

So i'll be turning in now and we'll be going in early to try and catch the doc to find out more.

He Gives & Takes Away

When I woke this morning, Dad was already up and a wave of fear and uncertainty came over me, not knowing what the day might hold for us. Phil 4:6-7 which has been reassuring me throughout this period, came to mind and I just spent time lying in the presence of God, you know the time lying on the bed just before waking up.

Mom came out of surgery this morning at one and the doc removed the blood clot and stabilised her. The cause was a rupture of an abnormal blood vessel and she had lost a significant amount of blood. Hopefully she will not have another relapse and when she is stable, they will conduct laser surgery to tackle the vessel. So the next 24 hours are crucial and anything can happen.

I think the beauty of this season, is that while I do feel helpless, I know God is sovereign. I have never felt alone nor overwhelmed by this situation. Its reshaping and redefining what I hold dear and what I'm living for. Life's never really gonna be the same again. I feel a move towards simplicity, cutting out the unnecessary and living a life who's sole purpose is to know God and glorify Him. That means we will probably not shift house and I will not go after the fast paced bank job.

This kinda sums up how I feel and there is an immense sense of gratitude for the 49 years God has given my mom and the blessing she has been to us.

"The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!"

Thoughts of Death

I'm at Starbucks at KLIA, waiting to catch the 2145 flight back to Singapore. Sipping my Java Chip Frappe and listening to Jamie (Dashboard) and shaking my legs haha. But beneath the jet set exterior is a guy who's mom has just suffered a serious stroke and may never talk or function properly again, if she lives through tonight.

Macabre? Well thats death and face it, its the common destiny of all man. My mom's one of those Type AAAAAAA (you get it) kind of person. No amount of illness of fatigue can stop her from doing work, whether its at home or at the office. Even on MC shes working on something or cleaning the house. For that I salute her industriousness and shes has really held this family together. Shes uber talented and driven, having acheived much in life and I really respect and love her not just for what she has done, but really who she is to me - Mom.

As I was on the train from KL to the airport, I was wondering if I regretted not spending enough time with her or treasuring her more. And yeah, I wasnt the perfect, pliant and considerate son, with bits of terror and selfishness thrown in. So maybe it could have been different, and if given asecond chance, yeah I'd change some of who I was, but I know she knew I love her mucho. I wonder why it takes a catastrophe to effect reflection and change. Guess we are self centered and do take things for granted when alls well. So if she pulls through, its gonna exact alot in terms of care and I'm gonna have to be there for my Dad and its something I've resolved within to do. If she doesn't pull through, then I'll see you again soon Mom :)

Moral of the story, treasure the people around you while they're still here. Sometimes its just as good to not win every argument or just to go the extra mile cause you never know when they'll go. More importantly, death can strike anytime and I'm assured of the life after in Jesus and I'd like to take this opportunity to really emplore you to evaluate what you are living for and to reach out to Jesus as your savior.

I may seem composed and calm, but I do feel strongly for my mom. BUT there is a peace and a reassurance that surpasses all understanding and that is the beauty of knowing God. That even through this He is in control. THe only sadness I feel is that something has happened to my mom, but whatever the circumstance, I take joy in knowing my Father has it in the palm of His hands! Woot :)

Updating

The past week has been rough. Still mulling over the offer and work has been busy. Nevertheless, there were bright spots throughout and God has always proven Himself faithful even when I'm faithless.

Tomorrow I head to KL for a course and a meeting on Friday. My initial motivation was to use it as a means of getting out of the office, but I've been convicted of my attitude. So I shall be heading there with a humble and teachable spirit, with gratitude for this opportunity to learn. Will be heading up with a Thai colleague and I hope that somehow I can build on our relationship and so somehow be able to share Christ with her.

Considerations

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

Went for an interview this week for a business development role in a bank. I'm torn between staying and leaving.

Currently my team is rather unstable and if I leave, I'm not sure if my boss can cope. There's the thing about getting a replacement, cause currently there isn't anyone available to fill the role. While no one is indispensable, I think my departure may create a strain on the team.

On the flip side, I've been really bored in this current role. It is really mind numbing and I dun feel a drive and its seems like I'm going through the motions. Theres only so much of this I can take. My work feels like a huge burden.

I wonder if its just my attitude or my lack of perseverance. Am I justified in feeling bored or am I just full of complaints? I'm not sure if God has a specific direction in all this, and seeking for an answer has proven futile. To stay or not to stay? To pursue the promise of a job that offers drive and excitement or to be content and press on? These questions ring constantly in my head and there isn't a clear answer really.

But one thing I know, and its that I will choose to act contrary to the world. The world says me first and screw the rest. But I know the principle is more important than the outcome and the Word of God holds the key.

"Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." Phil 2:4

And so I have decided that if the offer does come, I shall bring it before my boss and to discuss and determine how to balance my interest with hers and the team's. If the team's interest is severely compromised, then I shall forfeit this job and trust in God that the time isn't now. If my boss does give me her blessings, then I shall be able to move with joy and freedom.

So till that day, I know I will be wrestling with this decision and i've been tempted to revert to what seems natural. Its truly a learning and character shaping experience, more so when God seems distant during this period. He seems unusually quiet, but I woke this morning with a reassurance that He is indeed in control and with me.

Thus I yield this decision and its considerations. Gloria in Excelsis Deo!

Bored Friday

You know you are really bored when u stare at Google's homepage and decide after 10 mins to key in an "A" and click on the "Im Feeling Lucky" button.

It brought me to the American Physical Society btw. haha.

Hard Work

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had."

"Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people."

How apt is the Word of God back then and even now. It sure is hard work living pur and blameless in this world. When I think of how boring and unchallenging this job is, I feel justified in complaining to everyone who might enquire or offer a sympathtic ear.

But what joy I have, that as I'm working hard, God is at work in me to enable me to obey Him woot! haha. Thank you Dee (as He is known to me)!

Loving Others

Just back from a day of spending time with various friends. Met Chan Hong, Sam and Hoho for breakfast, then Matt and finally my CMs over lunch.

I thank God that He has in some way changed the core of who I am. Left the house this morning looking forward to meeting all of em and as I reflected, I do not think the old me would have actually liked it. I used to think I was an introvert and would rather keep to myself than be with people and that it was just the way I am; I simply wasn't a people person. It was such a lie and I bought into it. I've come to realise that in fact, its all about people. His heart beats for us and so must mine.

God has been challenging me to love and care for people, and I guess the journey took off at May's PnP, as I was seeking God, Pastor CX prayed that God might grant me love and compassion, an area Ive struggled with for so long. Henceforth, bit by bit I noticed God was changing the way I dealt with people. They were no longer the means to accomplish my ends or to be compartmentalised into useful and useless, but that I was to love and reach out to.

As I reflect on the conversations I had today, I believe God used me to make a difference in their lives as well as to bless mine. Its really wonderful to know that we are moving from glory to glory day by day.

Borneo Part 2

I'm back from my Borneo adventure and it was swell. The experience was unforgettable and i'll try to chronicle the notable moments. Pictures will follow suit.

Day 2 Ascending Mt Kinabalu
Woke up early and had a big breakfast and headed off to find transport to the Park HQ at 7. Taxis were RM150 one way and we opted for the bus which was RM15 each. It was a slow bumpy ride and we only reached at about 11. Did the necessary procedures, which was really cumbersome and had a packed lunch. They ran out of guides so they told us to just head up first and they'd send up one later in the evening.

So we began at 12 and it was an arduous trek from there on. Due to the altitude, the air was really thin and you get really breathless after a little exertion. It get worse the higher you go. Steps were steep and some parts were slippery. Took numerous rest stops along the way and we finally reached Laban Rata, the 2/3 way accommodation point at 4 plus.

Had a humongous dinner and we headed for our accommodation at Panar Laban hut some 10 mins away.By then it had started to rain and we were tired and cold and feeling every bit miserable. The hut was real basic just 6 bunks without heating and the temperature had dropped to 10 degrees then. Decided to take a shower which was a small hut 10m away and the water was "heated", cause the water was so cold that the heater just made it a little less cold. So there I was showering in an open hut with freezing water and I almost hyperventilated from the cold and lack of oxygen. Lost alot of body heat and it took a few hours for my body to warm up again. Not a nice experience really.

Turned in early at around 7 and it was cold even though we were bundled under the blankets. By this time the guide came and enquired if we were still gonna make the ascent to the summit at 3am.By then Collin and Rohit were spent and declined to make the ascent, in favour of sleeping in and getting a good rest. Well I decided what the heck, I came here to climb to the top, not Laban Rata, so yeah I was on. With that, I hunkered in and got as much rest as I could in anticipation of what was to come.

Day 3 Summit and Descent
The alarm rang at 0230 and I was roused from my sleep. It was darn cold but thankfully the rain had abated. Ate a can of tuna and biscuits and washed my face with some water I had boiled. Downed a can of Milo too before setting off at 3. The first part of the climb consisted of an endless flight of stairs and rock steps. The going was tough as I felt like puking out all the food and I was incredibly breathless. I had to sit down to catch my breath many times. The guide wasn't really helpful and told me I still had 2.5km to climb and asked if I wanted to continue. I'm not sure if it was pride, foolhardiness or perseverance but I insisted on carrying on and would reach the summit anyhow.

Soon the altitude and terrain made it impossible for any vegetation and I emerged from the forest to meet a wall of granite. From here it was a mixture of steep inclines and gradual ascents up the granite face using ropes. It was amazing that nobody fell off and died,cause you would practically roll down and off the cliff. At some parts it was just a little outcrop of rock just a wee bit wider than my shoe. The climb here got tougher and I kept fixing my eyes on point 10m away and trudged towards it before falling to catch my breath. The pattern ensued for the next couple of hours. But during the breaks, I just gazed off the mountain to the beautiful view below, illuminated by the moonlight. Looking up, the heavens were filled with stars and I could make out the only constellation I knew - The Orion. It was truly magnificent and all I could do was to gaze in awe and worship.

Soon the dawn was breaking and the sun rose steadily from across the horizon as I made my final assault at the summit - Low's Peak. When I finally hauled my a** up there, I took a picture, savoured the view from there and then had to descend. It was surreal and truly memorable to have finally conquered the peak after a whole night's slogging.

The descent was just as challenging as now I had to navigate my way down the steep inclines and soon made it back to my hut at 9am. By then Collin and Rohit were out front and received a good cheer from them haha. My legs were already sore and were not responding well due to the strain. Packed up and headed off for breakfast before making the descend from Laban Rata, which was when the nightmare began.

Due to the stiffness of my leg muscles, my legs could no longer absorb the impact of descending the flight of steps and rock. Each step was a pain as my knees bore the full brunt of the impact. Whats worse were my toes banging against the front of my shoes. The cumulative impact left my toes badly bruised and each bad footing sent excruciating pain shooting up. I was so weak that I hobbled down and had to rest my weight on the sporadic handrails present or any ledge or tree I could get hold off. And so it was in this manner that I made the last 6km down. It was a whole 4 hours of pure suffering and it was pure perseverance and willpower that kept me going. So many times, that I lost count, I just wanted to collapse in fatigue and pain, but I just willed myself to continue. By the time I made my way down the mountain it was already 3. A harrowing and unforgettable experience in all.

Had lunch then went took a 2hr cab ride back to KK Town. Grabbed dinner and since we had time to kill, we caught X Files at the Cathay cinema there haha. Lousy show, with a hazy plot and no haphazard character development. Went back and retired for the night,in anticipation of the drive to Kuala Penyu the next day.

Day 4 Kuala Penyu
In the morning, we took a walk down our street in search of a good breakfast and found a nice homemade noodle stall. After that it was off in our Proton Wira for the 2 hour drive to Kuala Penyu. The road was pretty straightforward and driving in Malaysia is pretty nondescript unless you get mugged. Watched the scenery roll by from the cityscape to kampungs and rolling farmland. Bout midway, there were durian stalls along both sides of the road and we pulled over and Collin picked up a couple of em for RM30. The rest of the journey was smooth and there were sporadic encounters with buffalo and their shit on the road and avoiding roadkill and stupid dogs that almost became it.

Our destination in Kuala Penyu was Tempurong Seaside Resort, an offbeat place on a secluded stretch of beach. We turned off the highway and had to traverse a 7km stretch of unsealed road that was way muddy and bumpy. We were worried the suspension would go anytime and the potholes were huge. Soon the black proton was lathered in muddy water and the wheels were caked with mud. Halfway in, we were rather apprehensive about the route and calling of the lodge and office for directions didn't help. So we just had to ask the kampung folks and they pointed the way out to us. A little while more, the car cleared a small gradient and the South China Sea in all its splendor emerged into view.

To our dismay, the resort was perched on a ridge and the only way up and down was a flight of stairs. So we lugged our luggage in agony and proceeded to check in. After settling in, we brought out the durians and they were magnificent, savouring them on the patio, with crisp sunshine basking down and with the sea rolling by. Changed out and headed for the beach to just spend the afternoon there swimming and lazing in the shade. Very chill indeed.

Dinner was a sit down affair at the restaurant which I termed the "cookhouse" and it was 3 dishes of vegetables and one pot of curry chicken. We were famished by then and Rohit had 3 plates of rice while Collin and I followed close with 2 and a half. Post dinner activities were just spent sitting around playing scrabble and cards and I started on John Grisham's, The Appeal. Turned in after devouring half the book.

The highlight of the stay there was waking up to a gentle breeze and the the sound of the waves crashing down below and the birds chirping outside as the rooms were naturally ventilated. Headed for breakfast and met the owner - Frankie there. We chatted briefly and he explained that the place was really his family home and after some cajoling from his friends and to help cover the maintenance, he had decided to let the place out. He chanced upon it when he was sailing down the coast about 10 years ago and was struck by its seclusion and the beauty of the beach. He came ashore and negotiated to buy the 3 acre plot from the kampung further in and built the place. The guy runs a travel agency and we talked about our travels and the business and all. Proceeded to finish up my book and soon it was lunch and time to check out.

Day 5 The Long Way Home
Drive back was more or less the same, save for one stretch that we took differently. Came to a river and the only way across was by ferry. It was interesting to see the ferry in action and pull up ashore discharging its load. I then drove up and soon we were on our way across, really an adventure in itself haha.

Reached KK town at about 4 with lots of time to spare. Shopped around the local market and drove around town. The town was so small we covered it in half and hour. Decided to drive out of town to the Sabah Administration HQ which was a swanky tower across the bay. When we got there we noticed there was a revolving restaurant and decided to have our dinner there. Food was mediocre and expensive but the views were awesome. Thereafter it was off to the airport to catch the flight home. Wished it would have been a nice uneventful journey back but it wasn't to be.

About 10 mins before boarding, the announcement came on that our flight was getting delayed due to inclement weather. By the time we left we were about half hour behind. Landed at JB Senai Airport and took a cab to the causeway. To our dismay the last bus had already left and we were stranded on the Malaysian side. SO with no other alternative, we had to walk across with packs on our bags, akin to a route march at 2am. Tried hitchhiking but all those Singaporeans were too wary to stop for us haha. Got across and cleared immigration and took a cab back. When I got out to get my luggage when we reached, the guy just drove off! He totally drove off!!! WTH. So i had to call Comfort and tell them to get the driver back and after 15 ins he came back apologetically.

So that in a nutshell was my Borneo Adventure. It was a n experience and one I hope will remain once in a lifetime haha.

Borneo

First post from Borneo, specifically in Sabah, more specifically in Kota Kinabalu Town and well if you really wanted to know the details (I'll assume you do), in Red Palm Hostel along Jalan Gaya. It's been a really long day and I'm pooped. Since theres free internet, might as well shoot of a post before the big day.

Started off at 8am going to work and all, albeit with my backpack. The receptionist gave me a stare and a reserved smile as we made eye contact haha. I looked like an office worker/suicide bomber. Think she was trying to discern which. Hadn't had the mood to work since yest, so fired up the comp, shot off a few mails and proceeded to read the darnest things on Wikipedia, today's being the Battle of 73 Easting in the 1st Gulf War. had a long meeting with my big boss whois down from Houston and a jolly good french lunch. So that marked the end of my workday.

Came back to office, changed out into my travel wear and had to entertain my co-workers' queries about my where tos. Took a cab down to Queen Street (near Lavender) and baorded the bus to Woodlands. Clearing of customs was uneventful and we engaged a pirate taxi to get us to Senai Airport in JB for RM$40 after a bit of haggling. We had loads of time to kill and what better way to kill time then to eat. Ate some rubbish noodles and fries at the airport's Marybrown.

After awhile, we checked in and there were these bunch of Assumption kids going to Sabah on a school trip. Man those kids are WILD. Told Cheryl I could feel her pain haha. Boarded the flight with the kids and it felt like a school bus. They were seated in the rear and kept making alot of noise, especially the boys. When the plane took off the cacophony erupted into a crescendo, which was really funny. Everytime the pilot banked, the kids would react haha. Hilarious. Flight was about 2 hours long and we were bored midway and since they ran out of hot food, we bought cup noodles to share.

Soon we arrived and took a cab ride into town. The town is surprisingly well maitained and the roads are clean and traffic light. Its a rather quaint place. The night temperature is alot cooler than Singapore. Took a walk after we checked in and ate quite abit. We reminded ourselves that we needed to carbo load and that kinda absolved us from any guilt haha.

So its time to sleep and Ive got an early day tomorrow to climb Mount Kinabalu, our reason for coming. Gotta wake up at 6, get a hearty breakfast and find transport for the 2 hour journey to the Park HQ.

A Marked Difference

Its been a week marked with joy and it has made all the difference. As I yield in submission to walk in the will of God, Paul's exhortation that we are more than conquerers rings so true. Been reading Romans and every verse and chapters hits me with wave after wave of revelation. The doctrines of justification and slavation, the abundant grace of God, the freedom in Christ and all just overwhelm me like never before.

For the longest time Ive felt that Ive learnt all there is to the Word, since growing up in Sunday School. Not that I know everything, but that desire to learn and the fresh revelation all but ceased. So this has really a breath of fresh air as scripture nourishes and fortifies my inner man. I haven't been this excited about the Word for the longest time.

Been learning alot about myself and how deep within there exists alot of pride and the desire to demonstrate my capabilities. I'm practicsing reticence and making a concious effort to be meek and not react in the way that would be so natural to me and I kinda understand why Paul says there really isn't anything good within him.

Sunday was really cool seeing my boys respond to the altar call. CMs and I have been feeling rather exasperated at their lack of enthusiasm and passion. But what no man can do, God can and I'm reminded of the importance of praying for my sheep.

Tommorrow I embark on my expedition (ok la not so big deal) to ascend Mount Kinabalu. I'm awfully excited but I'm sure halfway up i'll wonder why I took leave and spent money to torture myself haha. Hope it'll be a good trip to share my life with Collin and Rohit and thats something I'm looking forward to. I am not ashamed of the Gospel hahaha!

Where Do I Go From Here

I've struggled abit with respect to my job and the direction I'm supposed to take. All this while, I've never really enjoyed Finance and have seen my current job as a stepping stone, moving thereafter to a commercial job. Reasons abound and a few include challenge, interest and prospects.

Last week, my boss gave me news that my current role would be for 2-2.5 years and that I'd have to do 2 rotations in Finance. I was floored and couldn't imagine 2 terms in such a function. I wanted to tell her there and then that they'd better let me have my way or I'd throw in the towel. Well of course I didn't do that but it did leave me feeling awfully worked up.

I decided to seek God over the weekend to determine His direction in all this and to not do anything rash. The more I wrestled, laying down my arguments for having my way, I felt God's leading to let it slide and to accept HR's policy for me. It was with great reluctance before I yielded and to remain where I am and be content.

With that decision made, I feel a sense of peace and assurance that this is where I'm supposed to be. Furthermore, by resolving the desire to move out of Finance, I'm beginning to see my job in a different light as I begin to do the best where I am. No more whining about how I could be somewhere better but to start living where I am. So now I've resolved to give my 100% and very best for His Glory not mine.

I've pondered over the question of what actually drives me at work? I know the usual money and promotions do not have much lure and I lack a natural interest in the job. I can only press on with the knowledge that what I do is worship (thanks for the reminder Es) and whether I eat or drink I do it for the glory of God. My desire is to be a witness and to be effective, and not let the quality of my work affect this. So from tomorrow, I'll trust in Him who has led me thus far, to lead me on with purpose and joy.

Commencement 2008

Commencement was on Saturday and I'm officially graduated haha. It was a really long ceremony and I left immediately after it ended. Took some pics with a few friends and that was it. Big thank you to the folks who endured my nonsense and saw me through my education.

R230

Thats our team number in the OSIM Triathlon today and our team's name was JEL (Jimson, Erwin and Lionel; creative eh? haha). Entered in the Olympic distance relay comprising of 1.5km swim, 40km cycle and 10km run. I conclude after today that all triathletes are masochists and have an affinity for pain!

After Jimson's swim, it was my turn on the bike and I was off to a raring start. It was probably around the start of the 2nd lap that I started to feel the fatigue set in. My left butt cheek started to ache badly. On the way back, it started pouring and I was hoping that they might cancel it, I was sapped by then. Sadly no call was given and I had to press onto my 3rd lap.

The 3rd lap was uneventful and long, having to mentally push myself. "Come on!!" "No pain!!" "You can't quit!!" resonated within and I mustered up enough strength to make it through to the final lap.

Quarter of a way through my right calf threatened to cramp and it reached a point where I had to get off and stretch. After a breif respite, I remounted and forged ahead, albeit at a slower pace, mindful that my calf could cramp up any moment and leave me outta action. So it was a careful balance between speed and completing the race. With my ass and calf hurting, I made my way back, not before picking up speed at the final kilometer to arrive at the handover point with alot of seh haha.

The moment I got off the bike, i went "Sh*t!!!" My legs were jellied and I had to run a final 200m dismounted. At that moment my legs and my mind were in dissonance. Every step was so painful. I truly salute those blokes who can go on to run 10 clicks after the bike leg.

Handed the chip over to Erwin, my duty done and it was off to drink 10 cups of H20 haha and watch the rest of the race. We finished in a combined time of about 3 hrs 20 mins, not bad indeed haha. Now its gonna be a painful recovery over the course of the week haha.

Polarity Management

I've learnt that life is never absolute or mutually exclusive. Most problems in life involve a tension between two polar opposites and managing this isn't easy, but succeeding has great payoffs.

To chart my own course or leave it all to God?

Am I free to do anything I want or am I a slave to righteousness?

To be relational or to get the job done?

God's Way

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
Proverbs 14:12

This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’"
Jeremiah 6:16

Lord help me chose your way today and every single day.

Living in Extra Time

Read this portion of Scripture from 2 Peter 3 last night and it was sharper than a 2 edged sword.

"Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires. They will say, “What happened to the promise that Jesus is coming again? From before the times of our ancestors, everything has remained the same since the world was first created.”

They deliberately forget that God made the heavens by the word of his command, and he brought the earth out from the water and surrounded it with water. Then he used the water to destroy the ancient world with a mighty flood. And by the same word, the present heavens and earth have been stored up for fire. They are being kept for the day of judgment, when ungodly people will be destroyed.

But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. But the day of the Lord will come as unexpectedly as a thief. Then the heavens will pass away with a terrible noise, and the very elements themselves will disappear in fire, and the earth and everything on it will be found to deserve judgment.

Since everything around us is going to be destroyed like this, what holy and godly lives you should live, looking forward to the day of God and hurrying it along. On that day, he will set the heavens on fire, and the elements will melt away in the flames. But we are looking forward to the new heavens and new earth he has promised, a world filled with God’s righteousness.

And so, dear friends, while you are waiting for these things to happen, make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight. And remember, the Lord’s patience gives people time to be saved."


We all know that we're living in the last days, but sometimes the urgency doesn't really sink in. I'm not that big a football fan, but I do know abit or 2 about the game (Joey - wipe that smirk off your face). In a knockout tournament, if the score is tied at full time, the game goes into extra time. These last 30 mins have produced numerous upsets in the realm of football, as was the case in 1999's Champion's League final.

Supposing the entire schema of things could be viewed as a football match, we already know the final score - God wins and Satan loses. When Christ was crucified, all of Hell thought the game was over and a done deal, like Bayern (forgive the sporting references). But God was not through. Christ rose from the dead and provided redemption for all who would believe in him, pulling the rug out from under Satan. So now the game has moved into extra time, and Satan knows its over, but until the final whistle blows, he plans to steal, kill and destroy.

In these final moments, we're battling for the souls of men. When we've expunged our final breath or when Christ comes, then no more work can be done. Christ could come tomorrow, or the day after, who knows? But if He doesn't, it just means as scripture says, God is being patient. He is giving us more time so that we can bring the Gospel to those who have not heard it. And it begs the question, am I seizing this opportunity?

As I reflect, I'm sad to say that my life thus has failed to grasp the urgency of the hour. I've lived for my own purposes and pleasure, lacking in focus. Last night, I was led to make an unqualified commitment to God again, to give Him unreservedly my time, money, talents, abilities, creativity, energy and all that is within me to be His hands and feet, to bring the Gospel to the unreached and to demonstrate God's love.

It's been a philosophical post, but I hope that this might prompt you to relook your life in light of fact that we are in extra time. The final whistle will blow one day and we can do no more.