A Good Weekend

Some pics from dinner using my new Sony phone, looks like im reconsidering buying a new camera, cause i think this might suffice haha. Had dinner with the folks at Geylang. We ate Clam Noodle (machum Chinese style Vongole), Crab Tang Hoon, Hokkien Mee and Satay. Very unhealthy, but incredibly gratifying.

Went bowling with Dad earlier today at marine Cove. The place looks worse for wear. Managed a measly85 and 109. Its been awhile. Last night was great too, with supper at KTM, love the place! Then we headed down to Vivo to catch Ironman. By the time I got home was almost 4 plus in the morning. Very tired, and I'm still rather zonked from it all.

Need Adrenaline

I think i'm seriously understimulated at work, and its making me rather lethargic. I've weaned myself off caffeine, and am eating less. It's still not helping my energy levels. Haven't had time to cycle lately and I think thats a major factor for the lethargy. Went riding today and the weaving in and out of traffic really gave me a much needed kick. I dun mean to complain or whine about work/life, but its really draining me. I stare at the comp for hours on end and the work is really mind numbing. I know there are opportunities to learn and all, but I need stimulus, I need excitement, something dynamic, in a constant state of flux and just the right amount of pressure. Why am I here?

I really can't answer that question as yet, but I know its for a reason. In the meantime, I'll learn to be patient and do my best.

I Miss ...

I miss cooking and having dinners, especially the 2 at Bro CS and Sis E's place. Well at least I'm looking forward to cook on Wed for RL meeting. I've decided to do a simple, tomato basil based sauce with prosciutto and mushrooms. Might add in some Italian sausage as well mmm. Pity the church doesn't have an oven, otherwise I could think of more stuff to do haha.

I miss having nothing on my plate. Had our yearbook committee photoshoot today and I've gotta get the yearbook out by early June. Things are really tight, but its always been a dream to design a book from scratch. Gonna have to juggle this, ministry and an incredibly busy month at work this May. Am I doing too much? Yeah perhaps, but it helps that I'm single and alot freer.

I miss traveling. Upcoming highlights will be the road trip to Kuantan in June and climbing Kinabalu in July. Spent a good amount of time this afternoon researching for the trip cause my mind was so numb that I couldn't do much productive work. Sigh I'm longing to travel and escape and its excruciating.

Woe to Me

Many things have happened since the last post. For one this blog turned ONE on the 25th last month haha. Its been great reading and looking back, and it has surely fulfilled its purpose to chronicle life and God at work.

Its been a long dry spiel and it was finally broken last night at PnP and I was glad I went. Something was different, a kind of stirring, an undercurrent was forming. Could this be the foment of a revival in the making, who knows? The message was on passion, centered on the 3 fold revelation of Isaiah in chapter 6. From his encounter with the living God, Isaiah was changed and it affected his walk, outlook and ministry. When the altar call was given, so many responded on bended knees, a cry of the spiritually hungry for more of God.

The key to a intimate relationship with God is "vision and passion under girded by prayer". It is a challenge to enter his presence, to meet Him at the gate each new day, to renew vision and to stir passion within. Everything sets out to prevent this and it takes an inordinate amount of effort to effect a meeting with the Lord. But when I met God last night I cried as Isaiah did "Woe to me... for I am man of unclean lips..." and the abject depravity and repulsiveness of my inner man became apparent and I knew I could never live apart from Him and I had been so foolish, like an obstinate child bent on his own way. The rest of the night was of renewing the vision once more and empowerment by the Spirit.

I woke this morning with a feeling I haven't felt in ages - that God is with me. It makes all the difference. From weeks of living in dread and fear of the challenges the next day might bring, today felt like victory, like nothing could overwhelm me because my God was with me and it fills me with so much joy.


Had the guys ministry, our 3rd one, after PnP. Joel, Joesph, Corn, Jason and David were in attendance and the venue was Popeye's at T1, where we were satisfied with fried chicken and a mountain of fries and biscuits. At the end there was still a biscuit and a half and I decided to play the number guessing game and we broke the biscuits up into about7 chunks and drenched them in coke, coleslaw, ketchup, chilli and jam. The final tally was 2 each for Joseph, Corn and David, 1 for me and none for Joel. Joseph having to eat the last one got an especially big and gross piece. Will try to post the pic when i get it hahaha. So we settled out vision for this ministry that night and essentially its to see the guys coming into an intimate relationship with God. So it's gonna be exciting as we move ahead to realise something thats been on our hearts for awhile. We want to be sensitive to what God is doing and to move as He does. Pray with us.

A Brief Respite

I realised that I post a fair bit during or nearing telecons. Today is no exception as I've got half an hour to kill before I dial Houston and talk to the old fogeys there. Seriously they're all grandpas and grandmas and I really have no idea what they're talking about sometimes. Well today seems to have a set agenda, so I guess its gonna be productive (ie more arrows). 'Nuff said.

This week has been MAD. I've never felt more stressed these few days compared to any time in my entire working life (which is slightly above 4 months). Its like the stars and planets and DEADlines aligned exactly this week I tell you! Its not difficult work, just that I've got a number of things due in such a short span of time that it drained me and left me spent. As a result, this week I prayed alot.

Every stressed out moment, I just had to close my eyes and pray that God would help me through, to deliver that peice of work before moving on to the next one. Sometimes, I had to juggle a few tasks concurrently. But through it all, God has delivered me whoo hoo. He gave me the strength to continue with my sanity in check.

My buddy kept asking me whether I was ok today, she said that my eyes seemed to get smaller and smaller haha. I even had to buy eye drops today (the ones that Jon uses, which I keep making fun at him for), cause my eyes were just so dry.

Well the work adn the day's not over,but this post and my coffee break has provided a brief respite. Its time to get back in the hole and soldier on. Semper Fi!

The Weekend Has Landed

I'm a quarter through my precious weekend and this week has been one heck of a ride. Its left me tired and spent, yet I've learnt lots this week and I've grown in my walk.

Lets start on Friday, which was Mom's birthday. It was kind of a washout. When I passed her her present, a chinese Christian CD, she exclaimed "Boring". I suggested dinner at the Thai restaurant near my office and she liked the food but complained that it was "cheap". You are most welcome mom! That really capped my lousy week. So I got home and since there wasn't anyone to hang with, I just kicked back and did a bit of reading, but mostly wallowed in my misery. When I reached the nadir of the night, I couldn't take it and I just had to confront God with my mom's lack of appreciation and how crappy it made me feel, plus this week didn't go too well, ie You didn't do a very good job God!

Then the reply came (it always leaves you stunned and speechless) that God reminded me of the times I took His grace for granted everytime I disobeyed, yet His love for me was unchanging. With that, what more could I protest, but ask Him to help me extend love and grace, to not give up, to learn what my mom likes and meet her needs. Someone has to break the cycle.

God also reminded me about our relationship. He gave me a metaphor of a customer visiting a bank teller. That most times our relationship with God is like that, that we approach Him to make transactions and move on and we wonder why we don't hear from Him at times and there isn't any depth. So this challenged me to relook my walk. The 15 min QT in the morning model just didnt cut it for a dynamic and powerful relationship. I neeeded to "abide in Him" and that would take conscious effort to seek and be in Him the entire day.

So I'm reminded that we have the privilege of knowing our God, that He is immensely interested in our lives and invites us to "sup with Him". For those who believe, lets not let a day go by without knowing God better.

For those who don't know my God, He is a God who is waiting for you. We've all messed up in our lives and sin really means missing the mark that God has set. As a result, we were meant to pay the penalty for our sinfulness, yet God decided on His own to take it upon Himself to take our punishment through Jesus dying on the cross. His innocence paid the price for our guilt. Because of this, you have the chance to come and know God. There's no promise of a perfect life on this earth, but a life where u can look and smile at life's woes, knowing that God has a plan and He is totally in control. So the gift is free but it cost much, and if you want to say "Yes" to God, drop me a line or comment and I'll talk more with you.

Ambling On

These few days have been tough and disorienting. Suddenly work has picked up and my body hasn't been able to adjust to the increased stress levels and ive been having problems sleeping and leaves me zonked the whole day. It has affected my spiritual life and im feeling awfully disoriented.

My faith is tested, not so much in my beleif in god, but in my belief that He can make a difference in my circumstances and that He is still unchanging and not distant despite the tumult that im facing. Im learning to trust Him by faith and to cry out for strength and sustenance. Its a walk of faith and its tough but I know He'll see me through.

Worship during RL meeting was good and it ministered and there was real fellowship tonight. I'm in a telecon now, and its really really dry zzz. Pressing on, one day at a time. :)

Morning at Lab

Somehow was rather tired last night after dinner and I realised I was supposed to teach cell this morning, since its the first Sunday haha. Decide to turn in early and wake up to prep.

Got up at an unearthly 0545, packed a few dollars and my Gideon NT Bible and pushed my bike out the door. It was a chilly morning and the roads were empty. Made my way to the ol' Hawker Center at Lab and picked up nasi lemak ikan and teh ping. Headed on to Tanjung Belayer Plaza (The wooden deck) and had a good breakfast with God while the day broke. Spent time worshiping and pulled out my Gideon to read Luke 8 and 9 for today's lesson. It was a really refreshing morning, a good way to begin the Sabbath.

I'm still struggling on street E later, haven't really decided haha, its never been high on my list. But I might just have to suck it up. I'll get back to lesson prep now.

Stop

They say it takes 3 days for a recurring action to become habit. Well today's the third day I've been back on COD ahahaha. I thought just play abit since im bored, but now im beginning to feel its lure, the desire to get XP and level to get that ACOG for my G36 argh. Bit by bit its sucking me in again. Now I need to pull away. Theres too much to do after work than to allow my life to get absorbed into mindless gaming again.

Works been great thus far, nuthing like a few spanners in the works to break the monotony of closing. Getting the hang of most of my jobscope, but theres still stuff to learn. Its amazing what they trust a fresh grad with ahaha.

Tmr's Friday and 1st week of April's gone by. Time really flies.

Shell Life

So heres a peek into my workspace. Nice Herman Miller Aeron Chair in the foreground and the space is really big and comfy. Its Monday tmr and Im looking forward to work.


From L to R: Yi Leng, Rodchana, Me

Sent my colleague Rodchana off today. She was the one I was supposed to replace as she went home to Thailand. Its been a fast 3 months and time has flown by since I joined. Yi Leng is my buddy who has done a great job at helping me feel welcome and inducting me into the company.

Blown Away

Well many of my peers have been to Hillsongs and raved about it bt I somehow was never convinced. I thought well they put up a good show it was jsut another conference so yeah. Furthermore, I'm in the Rhema comm and ive shared this a number of times that i still miss camps. And I've never been completely sold on the idea of a conference. Tonight, marks a turning point.

David happened to send me a link to the opening of the Hillsongs Conference 2007 and when I watched it I was blown away. I've probably replayed it like 50 times and even as I'm typing its still playing haha. I guess AWESOME kinda sums up my reaction.





The first few times I watched it I was like yeah its a really nice show. But it dawned on me that hey it had an impact on me. It made me sense the majesty and awesome power of God as I watched it and stirred something within me. As David and I talked, we rubbed off our enthusiasm on each other and really theres so much synergy flowing for Rhema.

I guess at the end of the day I wanna be part of something that will leave an impact on the participants. Not that we may say we did the best Rhema Conference to date, but that we glorified God! That we will strive to exceed and surpass what we would ormally do, to create a conference on a scale never seen before, but still within our capabilities, to worship God, much like what Solomon did with God's temple. I hope that it'll allow every participant to be stunned and awed into realising theres something more to their current existence. there is a God that loves them and a faith worth being passionate about.

Even as the comm works, i hope you will lift us up in your prayers, that we wont just do the work to make a big conference, but that people will see how BIG our god is. truly then we would have done well. Im excited, and passionate, and it will be a long journey, but I know it will be a fruitful one if we stick to this vision. Whooo hooo!

On a Telecon

Its eight and I've finished a good dinner at home, been eating out too much haha. Home cooked food does taste good. Waiting for the rest of the participants to call in from Houston and Rotterdam. Guess the plus of working in an MNC is the exposure, but that also means working from home at these hours and taking a good chunk of my social time haha. Well I'd probably just head in later tmr as usual haha.

It has been a good week thus far, not that work still isn't mundane. Was feeling rather drained and frustrated for the last few weeks cause I've been struggling quite abit with my purpose and direction in life. Also I was feeling rather distant from God for no rhyme or reason. So these couple of things were wearing me thin.

I realised also that I hadn't been listening much to God and had been talking incessantly because I was afraid to quieten down for fear that I wouldn't be able to hear Him speak and get a deathly silence. I guess talking was within my control, listening was not haha. So I had to yield and let God speak again and to just humbly listen. And it was refreshing just to hear God speak again and to feel His presence around. It did wonders for my soul and refreshed my weary spirit through and through.

So from this, I managed to regain my vision and perspective and now daily I'm striving to honour and glorify God in the littlest of things. Also Ive been watching my words to quit complaining and start praising and worshiping haha. Its really turned my days around and really experience God's joy lifting me up.

Haha the telecon has ended and I'm free for the rest of the night. Woot!

Supposed Kelong Trip

We were supposed to go for a Kelong trip today but it was canceled after much deliberation. Instead we went fishing at Bedok Jetty haha. Well it was a stark contrast to our other experience there when we didn't even catch a single fish. Today we caught tons of fish and they were biting non stop! Must have been the great weather after a week of rain.

Food was also a highlight, having lunch at Changi village and dinner at East coast Hawker Center. Good stuff haha. We then went to Sentosa to catch Songs of the Sea. Well my advide is to just try to enjoy the show ahsha, the fireworks were nice at least and its definitely better than musical fountain. After th show, it was the luge! Its basically a small kart which u race downhill and it really did give me a shot of adrenaline, which was much needed. Its 2am and im half zonked. At last I can retire. A wonderful day with the 3 girls and it was really memorable.

Chilli Plant and Others

Today I planted my Chilli seeds. Yes you heard me right, I finally got around to planting it. My mom had this to say," Wa, no wonder today suddenly rain so heavy!" Incredulous as it seems, but I managed to overcome my inertia and be one of the last few to work on this project of fruitfulness. The moral of the story - its never too late to start haha.

Today I've decided to fast COD4 for an extended period of time. Its hard and as I'm typing, the AWSD keys remind me of the game constantly haha. But I've realised that nothing should master a disciple except his master and when something takes His place its time for action.

Its really hard glorifying God when you feel that you wanna be some place else and when the things before you seem unimportant and boring. As the day goes by I'm trying to pray and to seek God on how I can be a witness at work, to be attractive for my Lord.

I leave you with a rich quote that I came across today,

"Are the leaders of the future truly men and women of God, people with an ardent desire to dwell in God's presence, to listen to God's voice, to look at God's beauty, to touch God's incarnate Word, and to fully taste God's infinite goodness?" - Henri Nouwen

Recall

Today I recalled my application. Not my will be done but Yours.

007 Aspirations

Came across this position in the Straits Times today. Essentially its the Singapore Intelligence Directorate hiring. Its Singapore's equivalent to the MI6 and CIA. Well I attended their career talk way back in October last year and I was rather intrigued. Looking at the job responsibilities and requiremnts, it really intersts and suits me. The only drawback is that its a government job and I'll have to give up my cushy job in Shell.

Ministry of Defence
We are a civilian organisation under Mindef that is rapidly expanding into newly emerging fields. Our work is vital to the safeguarding of Singapore's national interests and effective decision making. We seek change-oriented individuals with the drive and vision to join our team in shaping and directing our operations.

Responsibilities:

• Actively conduct research to seek new information sources.
• Assess, select, interpret and analyse information.
• Prepare timely, accurate and objective reports to facilitate critical missions and projects.

Requirements:

• A degree in Arts, Social Sciences, Communications Studies or Science.
• Acute awareness and interest in regional and international current affairs.
• Strategic and conceptual thinking, with a sharp eye for details, and a natural curiosity for behind-the-scenes workings.
• A flair for learning regional languages will be advantageous.

Come to think of it I'm paid heaps right now, get to go back early, and why am I still unsatisfied? I guess at the end of the day its the nature of the work. Do I really want to be stuck in Finance for the rest of my life? This is a real conundrum man! Well I'll send in my application and see what'll transpire from all this. Haha.

After 2.5 Pratas & Teh

Back from a good supper after GLI and I'm mighty full and awake. I won't be sleeping anytime soon, so i'll prob blog and play a little. Tomorrow i've decided to work from home cause this week's been a lull and its awfully dull, weather included.

Lately I've been kinda under-challenged at work. I've also been whining alot about how I'm not suited for the job and how boring and how undynamic(if theres such a word) it is. I remember the days of consulting at PwC with tight deadlines and tons of research and synthesis and I miss it now and then. But was challenged today that even in the mundane, I can practice seeking God's presence. To give glory to God even in doing the little things, and to be a bright and salty witness for Him. Its something I'll continually struggle with cause I need strong motivations for the things I do and if I dont have any interest in it, I'll switch off completely.

Given how free I've been, its ironic that when I've got the most time, I do not use it wisely. I hardly make time for God and most of it is spent in frivolous pursuits. I'm reminded of stewardship and how we're called to account for the resources, including time, that God has entrusted us with. Sad to say, I haven't done too well lately. I guess at the end of it all, it all boils down to living a disciplined life and its something I'll train for.

Finally ending off, God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Things are bittersweet right now and I'm needing to find solace in God alone.

Falling

by Pocket Full Of Rocks

Father it remains to me a mystery
Why You still love me
When You see the bad in me
You show me mercy
You show me grace
You call me Your own

Day by day I'm finding out, just a little more
Just exactly what the journey is for
It is to love You, hold You, touch You,
to call You my own, my own

And I trade treasure, I trade fame, just to hear You speak my name
I've been touched by You and I will never be the same
I will never be the same for

I am falling more and more in love with You my King
My heart sings a song that even angels cannot sing

Father it remains to me a mystery
Why You still love me, when You see the bad in me
You show me mercy
You show me grace
And You call me Your own

Day by day I'm finding out, just a little more
Just exactly what this journey is for
It is to love You, hold You, touch You, to call You my own, my own

And I trade treasure, I trade fame,
just to hear You speak my name
I've been touched by You and I will never be the same
I will never be the same for

Over the Weekend

Had a rather eventful yet restful weekend. Got to celebrate Joseph's and David's 21st birthdays, and both did in different fashion. We had breakfasts at Botanic for Joseph's and a BBQ for David's. In all the highlight I guess was to grab David when he was blindfolded and trying to whack a Pinata and dunking him in his pool. haven't done that in awhile haha.

Caught Leap Years with Esther on Sat too. Thought it was a real girly show, kinda like fantasy la. Took abit for me to stop rationalizing and to enjoy the show. Though its take on love and life ran mostly contrary to my belief system ahaha. But its just a movie.

Bought Sam, Hoho and HCH lunch on Sunday at Sushi Tei. I think they kinda controlled their appetites but nontheless they were full haha. A good change from the usual buffets cause they cant eat much anyway so might as well eat good.

Its ultra late, been hooked on COD4. I need to sleeeeep!

My Degree

Showed it to a few people, and the same response has been "huh, lidat only ah?" haha. Guess the notion of a Uni education has been rather inflated. I do not think its that much of a deal, though I am really thankful and grateful for the opportunity. I believe one should not take his education for granted, neither should he take himself too seriously. In all cases, all glory goes to God who saw me through my formative years.

Mistakes

Im really not meticulous at all. I hate to check my work. When it involves huge amounts of quantitative data, something is bound to go wrong. Today it did.

Was supposed to extract a bunch of figures and make some calculations. This is more or less the kind of stuff I do daily cause computers arent that smart, yet. So yeah I did it and it was a real pain. Since i didnt enjoy it, I tried to get it over and done with asap and tried to do it in the most "efficient" way. In the end I left out some figures and it distorted the information and it was sent out. That was Monday.

So today got a few queries on the numbers cause it didnt match. Did abit of checking and realised that I messed up. Worse of all, the list sent to all the managers, piangs haha. Oh well, lesson learnt. But I still don't like checking haha.

Tomorrow I'll get my cert, after 3.5 years in SMU. Should be interesting to see it after all this while. Got a telecon in 5 mins zzz.

My Redeeming Lamb

I stand before you Lord
In awesome wonder
Holy is the Lamb, who reigns

In quiet solitude
There you're with me
You are my Shepherd King, who reigns

I see Your mercy fall down on me Lord
I long to love You, with all that I am
I hear Your praises
It reaches to the heavens, to You
My Redeeming Lamb

I Wish To

Know and love God more, be able to talk to Him like the Fathers did

Obey God when faced with a tempting choice

Appreciate Scripture's form and content better

Teach to change lives

Connect with the boys in my cells

See my CMs drop their entanglements and break free

See RAGE transform from a consumer to a serving culture

Somehow help Collin, Yang, Raymond and many others know Christ's love

See what God is doing and be a part of it

Lay my dreams, plans & ambitions down and take hold of what God has for me

Find a girlfriend (Next year only; interested applicants may submit your resumes. While all applications will be thoughtfully considered, I regret to inform you that only shortlisted candidates will be notified. HAHA, joke ah! from reading too many Saturday classifieds)

See the auroras before i die

So these are some of the things on my heart i'd like to get out. Its somewhat frustrating, but in a good way. The yearnings and the knowledge that God works through a process and it'll take time and effort. The beauty of it all is that eternal life is now.

The Guys

So we finally got the guys together for our inaugural guys ministry meeting. The posse included Joesph, David Goh, Chris, Corn, Kenneth, Justin, Joel and I. Its been a long time in the making and truly last night was a great experience.

We went to West Coast Park to the little outcrop in front of the yacht club and found a corner to just crash. Since I had a spare disposable bbq pit, we brought along some food and marshmallows and had a mini roast. Was a nice tight affair gathered round the smokeless fire, just bonding and sharing.

It was a time of casting the vision - that the guys in RAGE would rise up to be godly men, starting with the bunch of us. Thereafter we just spent time seeking God for His direction, guidance and wisdom and we prayed and worshiped as the Spirit led. Truly this level of fellowship among guys is unprecedented in all my years and it was a moment to savor.

Initially i was apprehensive that we would have too much time on our hands and that we'd just not click and be able to connect. I couldnt have been more wrong. Even on the way to West Coast in the van, the guys were already into it and it even gave Joel a good vibe about the night. Through the night as we ate and shared, the overarching thing that surfaced was that how most of them had longed for this sort for avenue for the guys to really connect, support and grow together. It was encouraging to know that God had primed our hearts to be ready for this.

So we've committed to having this group over the next 1 year, meeting on a monthly basis (much more frequent than i anticipated ahaha in a good way tho!) with the aim of being most vulnerable to one another and to intentionally love and connect with the younger guys within our circle of influence. So theres much to look forward to and we covet your prayers that though the course of our journey together that God will use us jars of clay for His glory and to the edification and strengthening of our ministry.

Life In General

Just got back from a supper after GLI with the group. It was a nice way to spend vday, though im not really a sentimental person. It just felt like any other day with a slight tinge of novelty. We were at Holland Coffee Club and the whole Village was CROWDED. I thank God that I feel incredibly secure and whole in my singleness, as I've struggled with the desire for companionship on and off for awhile and like the who's to like feeling. But was reminded on Sunday when Ps Lim went through the Sermon on the Mount, that really all these things, we dont have to worry about. Very basic, but sometimes things seem too big and insurmountable.

Work has been really taxing. I know everyone comments how slack I seem, but its really cause I choose not to show a "shack-face" haha. Its great to knock off early, not having to stay back to show that you're working. But when im at work its really intense, given the tight reporting deadlines and that I'm still trying to grasp the nitty gritty of the job. Theres really so much to learn and remember.Well at least im being stretched. Think a coule of nights ago i was so stressed that i couldnt sleep that night cause of all the adrenaline and stress in my body. It spilled over till the next day and I was a zombie by 4. So its difficult at times, yet I have a great experience at work and im really blessed with everything around me.

Today during GLI Ps Lim taught about spiritual gifts and how all of us actually have access to the gifts through the Holy Spirit. Most significantly, was the concept of incarnation - in which God works through US! So the exercising of the gifts is both a supernatural and natural process in which who we are and what we are going through influences the message that God speaks through us. I was greatly encouraged during the practical part when Ps Lim encourage us to share the impressions we got from God and how everything fits together as god reveals differently to different people. Its something really powerful to be sensitive to God and to exercise these gifts for the edification and encouragement of the body of Christ. I hope to be able to practice it in my life, in church as well as in the workplace, to really "see" what God is doing and how i can be a vessel to share the love of God. Also learnt the gifts aren't really for the super spiritual alone but for anyone who is willing and its something I believe we can encourage our young people to yearn for and RAGE will definitely be strengthened and dynamic as we flow in the anointing and power of the Holy Spirit.

So thats life generally and its been a struggle daily, with fatigue and my spiritual life. Need to learn to cut down on extraneous and unnecessary activity, to simplify and to set time aside for whats really important - being in the presence fo God daily. Want to grow i my sensitivity and intimacy in the months to come and to somehow help my CMs and boys do so too.

Roadtrip Pics: Ipoh & Cameron

East To West

Road Tripping

So Im waiting for some work to get done then its off to Orchid Hotel to catch the bus to KL. Gonna rent a car in KL tmr morning and head up to Ipoh and Cameron Highlands then back down to KLIA for an Airasia flight home.

An exciting experience to be driving up in Malaysia. I do hope to come back in one piece. Realised I left the house without a CF card. Bummer. Think i'll pick up a disposable later after dinner.

As January Ends

A parting shot to Jan 08 which has been extremely eventful indeed. This year has heralded new opportunities in both ministry and my career and things have been pretty rosy to date.

I wondered through '07 why my ministry was ineffective and my influence remained small. Why I had roles with little significance and that God was definitely not leveraging on my gifts and strengths haha. But I went along anyway, without a clue.

This year i had an epiphany. Well not so dua zhong (big deal) la, just a realisation of the reason behind it all. I realised that 2007 was a year of preparation, in moulding and shaping my character. God is indeed wise. Without the bedrock of character, our gifts and successes in ministry can so easily cause us to fall flat.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

God enabled me to love and to care for the people around me. I couldn't do it on my own and he deposited within me a compassion and a care for others, especially for those who are outside of a relationship with Jesus Christ. Once I only cared about myself. When I was in ministry, it was more about using my strengths and exercising my gifts than about loving people. Its redefined my life, attitudes and the way i relate to others.

As I began to obey and be faithful with the little, God opened many opportunities this year for service. It was no longer about programs and doing stuff, but to serve others in love and to reach the lost. Furthermore, the things lined up are incredibly daunting and I know that apart from Christ that I wont be able to succeed. It has caused my faith to rise to a new level. Its been a really long time since I lived on the cutting edge, depending on God to see me through each step of the way and its humbling and exciting.

Ive also learnt about the call to discipleship that everyone of us is called to be a disciple and to disciple others. It is the essence of our being as we model ourselves after our Lord and obey Him in everything. It is a call to leave behind a saved by the Sinners Prayer lifestyle and to come into active fellowship and obedience to God, living a life of abundance that God promised.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

This is a verse that has impacted my life and priorities. Every time i read it I "hear" God calling out to me afresh to follow Him. Each time I am tempted, it calls out to me to take a stand or deny my Lord. It makes living a life of discipleship, real and dynamic. It humbles me to know that I cannot do anything apart from Him. Everyday is a choice to either live for myself or God and it take a conscious effort to do the latter.

So these are some of the few things God has been doing in my life. If you are reading and you do not know Jesus, I hope this gives you a glimpse into the relationship that I have with God. Through this, life has purpose and meaning and salvation for our sins. i hope you would consider exploring about who Jesus is and to heed His call to turn from our sinful ways and follow Him.

My First Biz Trip

Im fresh outta school and a couple of weeks into the new job and me boss has decided to send me over to KL and this will be my first business trip. Well its exciting, tho its ONLY KL haha, but it does has a sense of importance to it haha. But besides that I'm thankful for whatever opportunities that come my way and the chance to sample new experiences. The purpose of this trip is to build rapport with the KL folks whom i'll have to work closely with and to gain a firsthand understanding of their operations. So ill be away this Thursday and Friday.

My job doesnt involve much travelling and only the senior peeps really get to go to the nice places like UK and US, so better treasure these opportunities haha woot.

The Long Ride

Went riding yesterday with Shawn and David after cell. Started off at Gombak MRT with Shawn and we headed to Dairy Farm to link up with David. had to crap so we headed to KAP macs which was full of Hwa Chong kids. From there it was the straight road down Bukit Timah till we reached Beach Road and it was on to Nicoll Highway. We took a turn and then went to the indoor stadium crossing the bridge over into Tanjong Rhu. Shawn found the bridge pretty romantic and said commented he'd like to bring his girlfriend there someday haha.

From here it was on to Fort Road and East Coast Park. ECP was one long stretch and at this point our arses and backs were getting really sore. We were all feeling peckish and decided to break for food at the ECP hawker centre. The place had really good old school satay, like the Satay club kind which was a surprising find. Indian Rojak was decnet but the sauce was a letdown. With the food churning, our bodies aching, we set off into the cold morning air and the inertia was really great. Again more long straight stretches up the reaminder of ECP till we hit Changi Coastal Road.

For those who've been to Tekong, Changi Coastal Road is that super long unending road behind the airport that you take to get to the SAF Ferry Terminal from ECP Expressway. It was super long! Cycled till our thighs were chockful of lactic acid and our arses wanted to open flower. Took a short break at the end of the road.

After rounding the bend off the Coastal Road, we cycled on for about another 15 mis and reached Changi Village. Saw a couple of Ah Quas too, surprising they still ply their trade there. Ta powed Nasi Lemak and Teh to Changi Beach Park for supper round 2. Kept lamenting the ride back over food and we didnt know how we were gona ake it back except thru sheer grit and determination.

Pushed off at 3am and headed up Loyang, Bumbled our way through Tampines and found ourselves on Bedok Reservoir Road. Had to resort to looking at bus guides at the bus stops to figure our route cause the place was totally foreign. In the end we decided to follow the 66 bus route after losing 67's. Then we found our way onto Still Road which was in Eunos. That was familiar territory and from there it was down Aljunied, Geylang, Kallang till we reach Victoria Street. We then parted company at Bugis Junction and i rode straight home though Hill Street and Chinatown.

Got an sms from David this morning, that Shawn's bike got a flat after we parted and he had to take a cab home. Guess everyone was shacked out by the time we got back. I got home arounf 0430, and KOed till 1230. Stil feeling tired now man, maybe ill go back to sleep. All in all it was a great ride and we finally managed to do it. Great ride it was.

No Mean Feat

Today I climbed Mount Faber on a whim. It was no mean feat, breathing in the cold air and pedalling furiously, fighting my way up inch by inch. It was truly rewarding once I reached the summit haha. The highlight of the week.

Works been good so far. Observing how things are done so that i can replicate it next month. Everything is pretty passive, so im trying to suck it in and carry on. Im flirting with the idea of hopping over to business but i want to ensure i maintain a right attitude wrt the current job.

An Ole Saying

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than to have never loved at all.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

An old saying by Tennyson and subject to much debate over the years. I guess I kinda subscribe to it, unless you're on a consistent losing streak, then you should kinda take a break from love and take a good hard look at yourself. So dear reader, whats your take on this?

Well heres to love, though not for now.

Second Day

Im working as a financial analyst in Shell Chemicals. But i think the name is a misnomer as there really isnt much analysis involved at my level haha. I fele like a automaton.

Well today marks my 2nd day on the job and it has been great thus far. Let me start by describing my workspace. its a nice big cubicle with ample storage space (think contrast big 4 haha). Everyone gets a sweet Herman Miller Aeron chair and it really makes the job comfy haha. For my computer i got a crummy ol HP leightweight laptop. The cool thing about it is that i can dock it and use a monitor, mouse and keyboard config in the office, and undock the laptop to bring it home after work. Its part of their mobile office plan and also business continuity plan which requires you to work from home in the event of a disruption at office. I get to claim for broadband too haha. Beats the Big 4 anytime man!

The job is pretty routine and im trying hard to be positive about it. I don't really like repetitive stuff. I like projects haha. maybe ill keep that in mind for my next posting. For the uninitiated, i'm a management accountant and i prepare figures for management as opposed to accountants/controllers who prepare figures for external users. So my job requires me to collate numbers from various sources on numerous items and generate spreadsheets to be sent up to management. I also prepare budgets and calculate transfer pricing for intragroup transactions. So thats my job in a nutshell.

Special mention goes to my boss and buddy. I work in a team of 6 people including me and 2 are based in thailand and japan. Im due to replace one girl. So in March the singapore team will comprise of my boss, my buddy and me. Nice and tight. Glad that my boss and buddy are Christians and it really reflects in the way they do things and all. My boss rawks! He is incredibly knowlegeble, humble and ready to teach. Everyone in the office ive spoken to has commented that hes a great boss and im really thankful for that.

In all the job is a good learning experience and also training for me. I dun think its my knida job actually cause it deals alot with numbers, routine work and requires me to be very very meticulous haha. All of which im averse to. But i hope to use this opportunity to develop these areas im weak in and to grow through this job. So its gonna be an interesting journey and im pretty much looking forward to it.

Crabbing at Sembawang

So its my third time crabbing and things are improving marginally. Met up at Yang's place for dinner and headed to Bottle Tree Village with him and Wei Ying. Its on the coast along Sembawang where the Sungei Sampang Kiri/ longkang meets the Johor Straits. We found a nice little spot near the river mouth.



As usual the tedious and sian part about crabbing is baiting the traps. We used rotten Kunings (nasi lemak fish) which were repulsive and nauseating. With the help of cable ties, we got the 3 cages and 2 bamboo traps up in a jiffy. We threw 2 cages and the 2 traps off the jetty nearby and one into the mouth of the river and decided to go wading. Essentially, wading is walking in the shallow water along the coast and trying to spot crabs and prawns and use a net to bag em. So with Yang on the torch and me with the net, we combed the beach but didnt really find anything except small mangrove crabs on the rocks. Gave up after 20 mins.





Then the coutdown began and we ushered int he new year there along the coast. From there we witnessed tons of fireworks lighting up the sky across in Johor. Seemed like every Kampung wanted a piece of the action. Tho there was one particular area that started shooting at around 2330, trigger happy sia haha.



We tried our hands at fishing but the lines got sangkok/snared. So we abandoned that endeavor too. Now we were cold and bored. Naturally, the pyromaniac in me arose haha. Went to gather firewood and we built a nice cosy fire. kept us occupied throughout the night, going around harvesting fuel and kindling to feed the fire. Was really nice and therapeutic just poking the fire and watching the flames dance. I love starting fires haha.





Finally, our catch report. We caught a grand total of 2 flower crabs and 1 prawn. The crabs were miserable. Like the shell only 4cm in diameter. The prawn was a good size la, but not much point in cooking 1 prawn. So we played with em, and gave the prawn to the fishermen and threw the crabs back. Very responsible of us, catch and release. End of the day we concluded that Singapore's wildlife is really in a crap state. think the2 camps of anglers around us only caught one catfish and some other stuff not worth mentioning. Guess this spot is great for chilling and all but the crabbing really wasnt all that zai.

Crabbing at Kallang

Alvin, Joey and I went crabbing last night at Tanjung Rhu, opposite the Indoor Stadium We realised that the Kallang River is FILTHY. But nonetheless, we baited our traps with stinking rotten fishheads and threw em in with high hopes. At the end of the night, our combined efforts yielded one snail.

But it was great fun, just getting out and doing stuff cause theres only so much you can do in S'pore besides eating and movies. Had a great time catching up with each other and eating cold pizza haha. Well like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. At the very least we found out that Kallang really sucks for crabbing.

My Obituary

Was watching The Kingdom last night and it was a great show, really dig Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights). There was a particular scene that left an impression on me.

In response to a terrorist attack in Saudi, the FBI director sends a response team into the Kingdom in violation of the State Department, due to their aversion of exacerbating the situation. The director is hauled up before the Attorney General who lambastes him for his insubordination and threatens to bury him.

The director then recounts his experience in Nam, when Gen Westmoreland made them write their obituaries during the Tet Offensive of '68 and says, " once we clued in to the fact that life is finite, the thought of losing it didn't scare us anymore. The end comes no matter what. The only thing that matters is how you wanna go out." And with this approach he stood up to the AG in doing the right thing as opposed to being politically correct. An awesome perspective.

I guess as i replayed that scene in my mind over again, it rings true for my life as well. When I finally acknowledge that life is finite and limited in all aspects, theres no more fear, no more tedious deliberation, but the prospect of living fully and totally for God. Like Paul says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." The power of a dead man walking.

So here goes..

Lionel Koh
22 Nov 1983 - Today
A life well spent.

Christmas Eve at Sam's

Its 0110 on Christmas morning and of the party present today, only Hoho, Small Josh, Gab are left, of course with Sam and Cheryl. It was a day of games with Sam pulling out his board games (he got a new Powergrid for Christmas) including Cash and Guns and Corasonne. We later played a drinking game (just water but lots of it) and it was incredibly torturing. Dinner was graciously provided by Sam's floks with 4 large pizzas from Sarapino's and finger food. The highlight of the day, for the guys at least was hide and seek and POW. it was a good chance to get out and play old time low tech games. Hoho and small Josh aced the hide and seek by hiding in the guard house of all places!l. For POW, the POWs had to evade capture and make it safely from one end of the estate to a safe end point while avoiding ambush by the "wardens". It was a uber fun time and a throwback to the simpler games of old. I really miss those old massive wargames we used to have at camps and games were played with brain, sweat and blood.

On the whole it was a good time to bond with the younger ones and get to know them better. I really appreciate these times as i dunno how many more opportunities i'll have once work starts.
It also reminds me of God's providence as I never really felt my calling to the youth and just grew into it. Though i feel really old at times, I wouldnt trade anything for times such as these, to just be able to connect and have fellowship. I really hope the generation of Sam, Chan Hong, Edith, Joanna, Cheryl, Toh, Caleb,David, Keith, Small Josh and all, stay together and grow to become men and women of God, serving and impacting the lives of the ones after em. Theres so much potential in this batch and I pray that they will puruse God with all they have.

ACS Forever

Not the school, but the Assembly of Christmas Scums. Born out of a desire to celebrate Christmas with meaning and great fellowship, Joey and I decided to put together a Christmas party of a different kind. The guest list was drawn up, kept small and close intentionally, so that everyone would have the chance to get to know each other better. I did the menu and with liang's help we cooked up some Irish Stew and Chilli Mussels accompanied with sausages, focaccia and pasta. Cher planed the theme and gift exchange with pizzazz.

ACS is perhaps my most memorable Christmas party and what set it apart was the warmth and how open the sharing was with each other, of course there was Heng to be the butt of all jokes haha. 2007 seemed the year of failed relationships for most haha and the beginning for some, but it was also great to hear of God's faithfulness, providence and love in each others lives. I believe the testimonies would have given Clare and Bryan a glimpse of the kind of God we serve.

In the closing week of 2007, I will be reflecting and evaluating this year. as well as planning for the year ahead. I want to make 2008 a purposeful and fruitful year, and not squander it away in empty pursuits. Merry Christmas one and all.

Christmas at Cheryl's

Monday was a packed day. Went to East Coast during the day and attempted to fish which was pretty successful. I had a pretty good catch consisting of a 500mm Taman fish, big sia! Had to fight just to bring it in, phew! The rain put an end to my fishing and we headed over to Parkway Parade to buy our gifts and chilled out to escape the rain.

Went to Cheryl's place in the evening and the highlights were the great food, making sculpeys (i did a masterpiece of a Big Bird that resembled a demonic yellow thing with multicolored candy rice sprinkled on top) for Rachel and had a ball with the gift exchange. Here are the Polaroids.

Stillness

Today was filled with activity and its been awhile since ive had that much fun. I'll leave that account till when the peektures go up.

I need time to be still before God, to quieten my spirits and be silendt in prayerful contemplation.

The laptop on my lap is reallllyyyy hot. Its a bad omen. I need to go .... now!

KL Weekend

Just got home from my weekend trip to KL with Collin. Stayed at Anjung Guesthouse which was really nice and clean. Basically ate the whole time there and i think i ate my entire week's caloric requirement over the 2 days. The food was great and we lamented at the sad state of Singapore hawker food in comparison.

Stuff that we ate included KL Hokkien Mee, Wanton Mee, Beef Noodles, Penang Char Kway Teow, Assam Laksa, Curry Mee, Cuttlefish Kangkong, Chicken Rice and Char Siew, Ipoh Hor Fun, Roti Canai, Kenny Rogers, Ramly Burger, Bak Kut Teh, Satay and Mee Goreng. Well all of the dishes were shared so its mainly tasting the food haha. Other brainless things we did included watching I Am Legend and Warlords. Incredibly mind numbing shows and really really comical after awhile. Well we had time so wat the heck. Went to the Berjaya Times Square amusement park AGAIN and got nauseated on the spinning rides haha, though pancakes at Dome kinda helped clear it up. Mmm nice fluffy pancakes soaked in syrup haha.

The most ridiculous part of the trip was the journey back. To save money i decided we should take a one way ticket to KL and buy our return ticket for half the price. Lo and behold, when we got there, all the return tickets were sold out. The only alternative was to catch a KL to JB bus and hop onto a JB Singapore bus. We left KL at 1530 (the bus was 30mins late) and reached JB at 2030. Had to queue to buy the tickets for the express bus and the bus left the terminal for the casueway at around 2100. Got stuck in the infamous casueway jam (only on their side) and only cleared Malaysia customs at around 2300. Got to the Singapore side and the queue for the express bus was incredibly loooong. Decided to abandon that endeavor and hopped onto the near empty 950 bus to Marsiling MRT thereafter. Caught the train to Jurong East at 2330 and reached Jurong in time for the last train. So by the time i stepped into my house, it was 0015. So Ive been ont he road for nearly 9 hours. Its crazy. All to save 13 sing dollars BAH! Please if you ever go on a weekend, buy a RETURN ticket! hah. Lesson learnt.

Grades

Gonna sneak in a post before i head for dinner and then to Golden Mile to catch the bus up to KL. Well got all my grades out for this sem and it was indeed surprising haha

Advanced Financial Accounting - B
Advanced Management Accounting - B+
Accounting Theory - A+
International Relations -A

A jolly good set of grades and indeed I have been blessed. Really don't know how else to attribute it cause I was super sian and unmotivated this term. Its a wee bit shy of the grades needed to push me to the next rung of honours but im not too concerned about that.

Midway during the term I thought i was going to fail my AFA module. It seemed insurmountable. I had to devote almost 80% of my study time to that 1 subject with the other 20% spread out across the rest. Im overjoyed for a B cause I was expecting to scrape through with a C. The 2 As i got were in the classes i enjoyed most, but As are hard to come by these days so its really to God's glory.

Well now that just leaves the ceremonial walking up on stage to receive that piece of paper. Adios SMU.

Woohoo im off to KL on jubilant spirits. I crave KL hokkien mee, penang laksa, wanton mee, char kway teow haha. yeahhhh!

Growing

The first day of Rhema has concluded and the games have been pretty well received. The Jump Upz station was a real hit and scrabble turned out surprisingly well too. but more than the programs, I think I've grown in my understanding and experience of God over the last few days. Pastor Lim and Pastor Andy happened to share about the same thing - God's will and purpose for our lives. Essentially, Ephesians 2:10 says we are actually God's masterpieces and that he has actually made us so wonderfully because he has a laid out a plan for us to accomplish, however, whether we choose to do so is entirely up to us. It kinda blows your mind. To think God has it all worked out for us and He wants to use us to accomplish things, if only we were willing. It really makes me evaluate the actions of my life, in knowing that I have this purpose or destiny, I really need to be careful on how i spend this life. At the end im not gonna be judged according to how much I do or accomplish, rather its whether ive fulfilled the plan God has laid out before me. Have I been faithful? Did i run the race well? These questions truly lend a different perspective to the way life should be lived.

Its as though God is beginning to shave away the stuff thats unimportant - the trivial pursuits. Bit by bit, Hes focusing me into a point, shaping and moulding me. Been struggling alot recently and ive grown a fair bit. I must say that God has helped me develop a heart of love and compassion for others, something i never had before. Hes stripping away the character flaws, the rebelliousness, the impurity, the nonchalance. Hes transforming my life to be more and more like Christ. Sometimes after doing something stupid im convicted and i feel incredibly discourage as to why i cant seem to get things right over and over again. But im reminded its a process and im taking it step by step. Theres so much I wish i could change within me and i've always wished that God would change me instantly, but thats not really His style.

I am truly humbled and I am in awe of You. hallelujah.

The Hols Begin

Am almost a week into my hols and im enjoying the pace. Hung out at Settlers with Sam, Hoho and HCH and had a ball tho i think they are really smart cause i keep losing at the games haha. When I was young hur hur, games were much simpler, and winning was simply determined by the throw of your die or acquiring a hotel on Queen Astrid Park. These days one has to factor in permutations and various strategies and change tack with alacrity lest on gets stranded like yours truly. Truly enjoy hanging out and I love you guys. Its my prayer that you all will develop into men of God, acquiring wisdom and understanding and totally sold out for Christ.

Been reading Teaching to Change Lives in preparation for the CMs training this saturday. Its a really good book and i wish i had chanced upon its lessons much earlier. It has really opened my eyes to the essence of teaching and how inadequate and needy i am with respect to this area. I've never though of myself as a good teacher, and this book has served to reinforce that. But whats great is that it says that this awareness of need and inadequacy is the basis for hunger, the intrinsic motivation that will drive learning and developing. It is with such a desire that i am reading this book , to gain insight on how i can be a better teacher. I look back and see a failed teaching experience, mostly under prepared and unstimulating without the heart and not knowing waht to do to change things. however, I also know, that without that miserable experience, I doubt id have been able to appreciate the importance of teaching and the potential it has to impact a generation with the Word of God. It has laid the foundation for a desire to do better, to learn more and to impart into others. I hope that I'll be able to communicate a fraction of what the book holds and to excite the CMs and challenge them to "feed my sheep".

December is gonna come and go with a chockful of program and activity. Got Rhema, my KL trip, Leader's Retreat, yearbook design, dinners to cook for and attend. It'll be a eventful month indeed.

Interesting Finds

Discovered two new joints today that had that special vibe - Recess at Old School and Epicurious at Robertson Walk.

Was about to cross the road to Dhobby MRT in the direction of Park Mall when I made a mention of Mount Sophia's newly opened Old School to Jon. On a whim, we decided to check it out. For the unfamiliar, Mt Sophia is the hill behind The Cathay and it is accessible by a long flight of stairs beside the new condo, which we complained incessantly while climbing up. At the end of the arduous ascent, we found Old School, which was the former MGS, now converted into a bohemian like arts/design cluster. It exudes a laidback sorta charm and is truly an escape from the bustle down below. In the small field next to the quadrangle, we chanced upon Recess which was the only establishment open. Its defining feature is its external seating area, which is a timber decked floor with an open wooden structure, with a mixture of sofas, tables and rattan lounge chairs. With the cool breeze and tranquil settings, it was really unlike anywhere I've been to. Prices were reasonable with a notable mention to the honey lemon ice tea ($3) and the cuppa ($3). An ideal place to hang out and chill and definitely worth a return/s.

In the evening, we had dinner at Epicurious located at Robertson Walk, to celebrate my belated birthday. Thanks Guys! The outdoor seating was pleasant in the cool night with a beautiful river view. Foodwise, the French onion soup was a let down but the mains were delightful. We had a burger, ribeye steak, vongole pasta and salmon. IMHO, i really liked the vongole for its flavorful sauce as well as the burger with its crispy fries and thick juicy patty. Te accompanying peppercorn and herb sauces were flavorful and well done.

On the whole an eventful atas dining day with 2 great finds for the collection.

Milestone

Today i unofficially graduate and this marks the culmination of 16 years of formal education. Goh Keng Swee and Tharman must be proud that im a successful product of their system. Well I want to give all glory to God because He has made this possible and it is indeed a privilege. Oh what elation fills my being! The feeling's kinda surreal but its beginning to die down gradually haha.

Today's AFA paper was surprisingly doable, although im not too certain on the results. its the only module that had me feeling insecure and overwhelmed throughout my SMU life. Machum like the final big boss stage. Great that its cleared haha.

So whats to do now that its all over? Well Im looking forward to Dec to chill, have fun and get a change of activities. So heres farewell academia and helloooo life!

Gratitude

I know ive been whining about how the exams are such a burden and all and how tired i am about all this. I brought it before God this morning and He reminded me of my privilege to study. I was reminded that i am studying because God allowed me to, in order that i might fulfill His plan through my life. I am not studying for grades or a job, i am doing all this for so much more. It was then that i managed to see the bigger picture and it did make sense. Makes you feel kinda silly when you missed the mark haha. I thank God for bringing me thus far and i know I didnt give my best this term. Its a lesson that i'll take to heart and to do everything for His glory.

My Last Week 14

Its the end of Week 14 of school and its the last of it. Come Monday, the onslaught of the exams will reveal the depth and breadth of my knowledge, or more likely the lack of it. Somehow the only memorable thing i learnt this week is that Habakkuk means vegetable haha.

On Habakkuk, was really surprised after the seminar on Thursday when Hann brought out a gingerbread man with a candle stuck in its nose and celebrated my birthday (22 Nov haha). It was awesome cause all ive been doing each day is studying(shaddup! i try). Thanks Jeanie for the gingerbreadman, still remember the super amusing scene in Shrek 3 haha. Well of course i proceeded to eat the poor fellow from limb to limb, really gratifying. Got a very nice card too. oh received a card from CS and E last week too. So thanks to you all who made it memorable. Much appreciated.

Bought 3 Chet Baker albums yesterday, really getting into the Christmas mood with the laidback melancholic and mellow jazz tunes. Been awhile since i bought jazz CDs. Wanna catch The Kingdom too, by the same guy who wrote Lions for Lambs. Want to go fishing/crabbing and start taking photos again. Oh when will life begin?

Back to work now...

2 Weeks

Thats the time i have left till i finish my formal education. This week will be my study break and the following week will be the exams. Its gonna be a last burst to the finish line and Ive scarce much energy and drive left. I feel like walking out and calling it quits, guess "sian" adequately sums up how i feel. However, i know that it really isn't gonna be for myself that im gonna be working the next couple of weeks, rather im trying to do it for His glory.

Planning my timeline seems to be an exercise in futility haha cause i dun think i could possibly cover everything and that irritates and demoralises me mucho. Guess ill just have to do what i can and let go of what i cant.

So as i begin these 2 last weeks, i covet your prayers that ill be able to do my best and be able to encounter God through this period. Thanks.

Rivers and Deserts

I've been blessed by encouragement in response to the previous posts and im immensely thankful. I guess posting acts as a release and also a way to chronicle this journey, so that in recollection, I can see God's providence and plan unfold, that I may remember my Creator in the days of my youth haha. Things have indeed been better and i guess this sorta thing, one just has to ride it out and the clouds soon break.

Bought a new old CD, Sonicflood - The Early Years. Well its a re-release of their 1996 songs, almost 11 years man! This was the stuff i used to listen and worship to in secondary school and it brings back tons of memories. But above and all this, this song reminds me of the deserts and rivers ive experienced through my walk and all the people that have played a role in my life, and I do hope that I might be that to someone in whatever period and season. Its been great thus far and I pray i'll continue to run with purpose and passion, to receive the crown at the end.


I Have Come to Worship You
Sonicflood

Many mighty rivers have I crossed
Many barren deserts have I seen
And still my heart beats strong
For You, oh Lord
For You have been my shelter
I all of my need

I have come to worship You
Oh, and I have come to worship You

A willing soul and a thankful heart
To find a holy passion just for You
And turn away from the things
That break Your heart
And live my life of sacrifice
Just for You

For only You are worthy
Only You are worthy
Only You are worthy
Of the praise this heart brings

Faith

Of late my faith has been tested with bouts of loneliness and melancholy. Its still a pretty foreign feeling and I cant say im really adept at dealing with it. Its mighty unsettling.

In the course of the testing of my faith i've realised that there are 2 aspects to faith. This isnt based on scripture per se, just my personal rationalising. The first being the conviction of one's belief and the second the nature of the object/person of belief. Im struggling with the latter. Let me explain.

Throughout my Christian walk, ive always been sure of my belief in God and I considered my faith pretty unmovable or strong. In most aspects i think it holds true. However, when reconciled with my recent state of despair, I realised a deficiency of sorts. If it wasnt the strength of my belief then what was the root of my weakness? It dawned on me in service that I've made God too small in my eyes. Sure my belief in Him was strong, but what would that matter if I didnt believe He could do anything and everything.

I've never seen an actual demonstration of God's power, and my knowledge is only secondary. As such, in my mind I never truly believe or realised my God is the God of possibilities and this has limited many aspects of my walk. It affects my worship, prayer and daily walk. I guess I believe fervently and dogmatically in a God who says , or others say is powerful. I kinda never really internalised this concept of an omnipotent Jehovah.

I think it'll take time to grow through this, and its a new challenge to my walk. I can only ask God to open my eyes and my mind and to read the Word for a fresh perspective. Its something I believe will unlock something deep within, when Im able to say with complete conviction that my god is powerful and He can do anything. may the Lord guide my in my journey to know Him more and in yours too.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see ... And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."