Wedding Prep

Planning for a wedding is both exciting and tedious. There are so many details to consider and its really a test case for good project management skills. Our philosophy is to keep things real simple so that we and our guests can really enjoy the day and share our joy. The outlay isnt really too much too and I'm thankful that Jean and I really see eye to eye on most issues about money. Also thanks to Hann and Rach who're a real help!

Got lots more stuff to do like settling our outfits, program, helpers, caterer etc and hopefully everything will fall in place by 23rd May. Looking forward indeed.

Easily Pleased

“If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit thatthis notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is not part of the Christian faith.Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of therewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex andambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go onmaking mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” CS Lewis

Sinner Saint

2009 is coming to a close and the pace has slowed considerably with the end of Rhema and getting a handle on my work. With that, I'm now able to take a short breather to blog abut the comin and going of the last few weeks.

Was reather strectched with work and planning and executing Rhema and I was just plain exhausted. Took the weekend to chill and just catch up on sleep and playing COD Modern Warfare 2 (Rawks!) haha.

I've grown in my spirituality and I look at QT not so much as a ritual or a way to earn God's favor but to keep company with God. It is a necessity, yet from the moment I wake, everything seeks to engage and draw me away from just being with God. I do not know why I prefer to just mindlessly busy myself and there's some sort of fear and anxiety to just wait on God, probably casue I feel time could be better spent elsewhere or dreading the possibility that God may not answer. I really couldn't fathom why. But its made me rethink QT and I guess the less I see it as a ritual and requirement, the more I want to spend time, even with short moments through the day.

Whilst working on Rhema, I had to face my human limitations and sinful nature and that drove me to prayer. Yet most times it was to get God to get something done. I didnt really feel very connected and my soul was sapped. I didnt want to be so utilitarian with God, but yet getting the job doen was a major peroccupation. Sigh.

Recently, I've become more aware of my sinful nature and my imperfections and its humbling. But it makes me appreciate and experience the grace of God. My heart aches for my sin, yet another part of me craves to satisfy my sinful nature, to please my flesh. It is a struggle to be most satisfied in God. God please change my appetites and allow me to experience your ressurection power that I may grow to be more like Christ.

Am being humbled also in my realtionship with Jean. To be challenged to love deeper and serve more. To die to myself and be perfected in my love. To be humbled of my pride and feelings of superiority. To lead in service and to esteem her. I feel so very inadequate compared to the call that God set before me.

As I was preparing for my workshop on being a Workplace Beacon, I sought God for His masterplan, His general call for our lives as chidlren of God and I learnt that our primary call above all else is to God's plan to reconcile man to Himself. We are entrusted with this ministry of reconciliation. Heard it preached on Sun by Ps KM and it was a good reminder. May this be my goal and pursuit in life, to know God and make Him known.

Thought about the difference between Christianity and other religions this morning. Read about this Malay actress whois gonna get caned cause she drank beer. Guess the main difference is that we believe that we should do good because we have been transformed and should live up to our new nature, though it is in the state of being perfected - we should do good cause we can. Whereas most religions I guess stipulate laws, measures and reuqirements and prescribe rewards and punishments to induce good behaviour, and strive to attain a standard by their own merit. We however, realise that there is nothing we can do to achieve perfection and everything is because of what God has done and we are the reciepients of His grace. It is a liberating and most humbling thought.

So quite a string of mini reflections. Glad I've got the time to note them down :)

Engaged

After many months of planning, the day arrived on 29 Nov to whisk Jean off to Bangkok for the perfect setup to spring my proposal. It was an early start to catch a 7am flight, then straight out of the airport to Chaktuchak, followed by a frentic sprint around Platinum mall for Jean to get her retail therapy haha. Had a massage to relieve the fatigue and take a much needed respite from all the activity before heading to Banyan Tree Vertigo for dinner.

Vertigo was simply amazing as its a converted helipad on the 61st storey and we took in the panoramic view of Bangkok at dusk. It was an awesome place to pop the question and make it a memorable evening.

So its rather surreal, I'm engaged haha and loving it. Till May next year then.

Such Love

"Yet you have forsaken Me and served other gods; therefore I will no longer deliver you. "Go and cry out to the gods which you have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your distress." The sons of Israel said to the LORD, "We have sinned, do to us whatever seems good to You; only please deliver us this day." So they put away the foreign gods from among them and served the LORD; and He could bear the misery of Israel no longer. " Judges 10:13-16

I was reminded of the mercy and love of God and more strikingly how the Bible is God's revelation of Himself. That through the narrative, God reveals His nature in a clear and powerful way.

Back From The Real World

Back from Port Dickson and it was a trip of good bonding with my bro and doing crazy stuff. Experience great hospitality there and friendly people.

But the highlight was meeting God there apart from all the routine and bustle here. I am convinced of the need to build deep in prayer and to acknowledge my inability before God so that He may move and be glorified. I returned with a renewed sense of intimacy, vision and dependence. My love for Jean has grown and my philosophy of ministry has been deepened. I feel an empowerment and closeness unlike anytime I have ever experienced and I'm hungry for God.

Reemployed

Got news today that I've got a job back at Shell with Retail Finance commencing 1 October. A new phase awaits.

A Pilgrimage of Faith

"God will either change the circumstances miraculously, or he will show us how to change the circumstances, or He will leave the circumstances as they are - and change us!"

Came across this line in Growing Deep in God (Edmund Chan)this morning and it is in relation to Abraham's pilgrimage of faith and the circumstances he faced along the way and how he believed in God in spite of all that. The moral of the story wasn't how great a man of faith Abraham was, rather it was how awesome and faithful our God is.

Through this season of weary trudging, I can really identify with it and to just walk each day at a time by faith and not by sight. I used to pray alot for a change of the circumstances, but I now surrender and submit to the sovereign will of God that the unchanging circumstances are not a rejection by God but just His desire to change me. In submission I find the freedom to trust God and rest in Him no matter what rages on around and this is really the peace that surpasses all understanding because I know that if my God is for me, who can be against me.

Afternoons with Lionel

Cooking Chicken nudle soup tonight - bones, thighs, carrot, celery, onions, tomatoes and 11 secret herbs and spices (well maybe 2-3 only la, but still rockingly secretly good)

Listening to Zee Avi, dun really understand her songs but like the vibe.

Planning a road trip. Dickson oh Dickson.

Dreaming of my home, parquet, glass, brick walls. Lofty thoughts.

Wednesday Morning Randoms

New monitor delivered today. 20 inch widescreen haha, I forsee a better future with Photoshop.

Job offer is in, will be meeting the new boss next Tuesday for a Financial Analyst job with Retail. Can't wait. Job description sounds interesting with a focus on investment proposal reviews and mangement information. Will have to see how things pan out eventually.

This blog is becoming twitterisque. But short and sharp is the flavour of the moment.

Much to do in preparing for 1 Tim and Gal 5-6 lessons.

Wanna get down to working on brushing up on financial statement analysis and forecasting methods.

Walked past Bukit Timah canal last night and it was a sight to behold. Hope I'll get to paddle in it one day haha.

Had puffer fish/Fugu sushi last night and it was... well unremarkable, rather tasteless actually. Guess it was only the novelty of sudden death that made the experience interesting haha.

Building Deep

The "One Thing" I took away from IDMC was God's leading to build deep in Him through prayer with a renewed theology. I realized the shallow-ness of my life and how I've been dependent on my talents and abilities rather than a complete dependence on God.

Prayer has never been a paramount concern for me except in crisis or for ministry enablement. However, prayer is for us to be attuned to the heart of God, to get to know Him, to have our appetites and lives transformed and it is the means by which we have our relationship with God - in essence our lifeline.

Thus this marks a new journey of reprioritising my life and to devote time to what is of true importance - building deep.

Randoms

had our first YAYP transition meeting last night and it was good just trashing things out and talking. Looks to be an interesting time ahead.

Bought a new monitor from Dell online. Too lazy to head down to Sim Lim. Love buying new stuff haha. My current monitor's black colour is acting up.

Tonight is the start of CEFC's Knowing God Conference. Man we signed up almost a year back and time has gone by. Can't wait for it man whoots.

Rhema planning is underway and I'm handling the foreign delegates and mementos. Gonna be a PR person cum tour guide haha.

The Last Shall Be First

Just finished reading Genesis and it made me wonder about the way God works.

Like how God chose Judah as the one from whom the Messiah will eventually come from thoughJudah wasn't the firstborn and while he had some good qualities but he wasn't perfect either. How Ephraim the younger was blessed ahead of Manesseh, Jacob over Esau and Issac over Ishmael.

I don't think there is a clear explanation for why things are this way except that God may be demonstrating a principle that He chooses the weak to demonstrate His power and His glory. It is indeed humbling.

Isolation

The past couple of months have been rather disorienting, with God seemingly close at times and uncomfortably distant at others. I felt rather lost and unsure of myself; whether I was doing anything wrong or what I could do right to reconnect with God. When God was near life had purpose and passion, when He withdrew, despondency and temptation grew strong.

Only just yesterday, did God reveal through a book that there are times when God places His people in isolation, where ministry and activities are taken away. In times like these, the focus shifts from doing to being and it is a time of intense character building with God tailoring specific lessons to teach and prepare us for His purposes.

Last year was a year of effectiveness, culminating in pushing Rhema to new heights, excelling at work and so on and I was ready for all God had in store for me, or rather more of what I thought God had in store for me. But it was not to be and I stepped down from formal ministry and took a leave of absence from work. It was great at first as I was occupied with work that allowed me to grow in the Word. However all that changed when I finished my last task of preparing the Philippians cell kit in June. Due to a mixture of fatigue and a desire to go back to work, I began to slack off in my walk and things went downhill and led to my state of despondency. It was a struggle to find meaning and purpose and I was restless to do something, anything! Tried reading and learning about the Oil and Gas industry, informed my HR that I'd wanted to go back, trained for my triathlon, anything to keep my mind sane haha, but nothing really helped cause I knew it was my relationship with God that mattered.

So bit by bit I had to come back to seeking God and I didn't feel connected initially and it was a series of spurts and stops. I still didn't know why I was going through all these and I was thinking, maybe God has rejected me? My faith was tested and I guess I was just plodding along slowly and at times just hanging on. But as I was reading The Making of a Leader by Robert Clinton, I began to discover the different development stages and processes God uses to mold and shape us and things began to become clear in retrospect. God wasn't sadistic or absent, rather this was a period that He had subjected me to to teach me things and it was necessary to stop trying to accomplish things but to reflect and meditate on all that as and is happening to learn the lessons. That really set me free to be at peace with where I am and to turn the focus back to God from my circumstances.

In this season of isolation, I have learnt the importance of my relationship with God, dependency on Him, character, patience, divine guidance, resisting temptation, the Word as the foundation for ministry, ministry is about relationships, a mentor has to be gracious with his mentees' shortcomings, ministry is first in the supernatural then the physical (prayer than service), timing, faith and trust, articulating my ministry philosophy, identifying and applying godly principles, my worth is in whose I am and I not who I am. This has been a maturing and deepening process and I could have easily missed what God was doing in my life and gone my own way. For that I am truly thankful and grateful to God, for Pron who has given me insights from time to time and jean for the listening ear and constant support. I don't know how long more this will last and I'm just trusting that when God's time is up, He will lead me on. SDG.

Book Affair

I have a penchant for books and it was confirmed today again. I realised that I have never left SKS empty handed for awhile now, even if its going there without any intention to buy anything, I somehow leave with a good book haha. Books are my bag and shoes man.

Picked up a copy of Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, edited by Piper. Looks to be a promising read as I've been interested in the theology of sex. We're all sexual beings and this is an area that needs to be addressed, both in singlehood and marriage. At the core of who we are, we are sexual beings. So yeah looking forward to getting my hands on it. Still got many others in the queue haha.

Complete Surrender

As I near the end of the ardous experience of writing the cell kit for the book of Philippians, I just sense that God has so much in store in the days to come as the Pauline Epistles are taught. It is really amazing to see what made Paul tick and what really drove him. His motto was really to know Him and make Him known, like our Church's (thank God for Grace!) and something I've decided to make my very own.

Reading and understanding Paul, one cannot help but be pressed to decide whether to live completely for Christ or live the life of a hypocrite. To Paul, religiousity is dead and can do nothing but to encumber the believer. Only the decision to live a crucifed life modelled after our Lord's, will the believer find true satisfaction and purpose. There really is no sitting on the fence.

With the end of this cell kit, it is seemingly pointing to a close of this phase of my life. Looking back, God has been working radically in me through the adversities, joys and His Word to transform me more and more into His likeness. Somehow my heartbeat has shifted from wanting to be successful at completing tasks, to making a difference in the lives of others, something I could never have imagined a year back. I yearn for souls to know Him, for young people to embrace living the Way of the Cross with no turning back, on fire and totally commited to the cause of Christ.

The next chapter of my life looks to be getting ready to get back to the marketplace. To build up my professional competencies so that I can gain influence where I'll work next. That is my pastorate, to serve them and lead them to the saving knowledge of God. Ministry will also shift from doing work to being relational, not sure where yet though. Things are slowly taking shape and getting clearer and clearer.

God has been granting me vision, not the prophetic kind per se, but the life and blood of leadership. To dream big, to see where God is moving and to undergird it all with prayer and dependence on Him. I am excited as to where He is leading me to accomplish more and more for Him.

A Believer's Life

Had a thought as I was preparing to write the cell kit on the book of Philippians, on the purpose of a believer's life and God has begun to show me more. Like a diamond being cut, as the facets emerge, they reflect more and more of the glorious wisdom and plan of God.

The believer's end is to be conformed to the likeness of Christ

The goal in life is to know Christ. More than a cognitive exercise but a complete and relational one.

As one's love increases in knowledge and in depth of insight, the gap between one's mortal state and Christ's nature widens ever more, creating an anguish and a God given desire to press on to become more and more like Christ. This is probably the start of the cycle in the process of transformation.

A believer is transformed through dependence on God and effected by the resurrection power of the Holy Spirit at work in his life.

The result of this is pleasure to God and the believer's life bearing witness to the love and power of God, bringing Him praise and glory and causing the unbeliever to come to knowledge of God.

Retreat 2009

Knuckle and Beer

Had a great time with my SMU buds, catching up over dinner and beer at Paulaner. Only downside was that there was just too much Pork Knuckle and we felt really porky after awhile haha. Was good catching up and reminiscing on the old days.

Horses & Breakfast

Had the opportunity to have breakfast with Jean at Rider's on Tues to celebrate 2 months. It was a nice lazy morning with good food, a laidback vibe and wonderful conversation. A memorable experience indeed.