A Twisted Nation

Argh

Ever feel things are moving too slowly? Desiring to cut the chase, speed things up. We live in a society of instant gratification. The prospect of letting time take its course seems ardous and prolonged. Then i remember this is the day that He has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it.

From Phnom Penh

Am back in Phnom Penh and posting from a drabby internet cafe. Honestly I cant wait to get out of Cambodia and back into Vietnam. The country doesnt really have good vibes.

Seen most of Angkor over the last few days and the hotel in Siem Reap was splendid. Food has been pretty cheap but mediocre throught and Khmer(Cambodian) food is somewhat uninspiring, unlike Thai or Vietnamese which have pretty distinct tastes and flavors; unless u count the more exotic spiders and bugs.

Whole place is pretty dirty and drabby and the city doesnt really have much life to it. Passed by the Ministry of Planning, gee they must be working hard cause nothing really seems to be executed yet. I really wonder how this country is going to pull itself out. Seems like their economy is founded on just tourism and agriculture. Hardly any signs of industrialisation evident at all. Really in stark contrast to Vietnam. Probably Thailand like 30 years ago.

Checked in to the Phnom Penh Hotel and its really crappy. THe room has a musty smell and the whole place looks really seedy. Went to the health club for the jacuzzi and the place lookslike a Hongkong triad movie set, with a bunch of tatooed men in a gaudy health club. They could probably be discussing business there. Really doesnt give you very good vibes.

Post more when i get back.

Kampuchea

Well im almost just about to finish packing. need to go take a quick shower and rush off to the airport to check in. Flight is at 1905 and first time flying Jetstar.

Will be heading to Cambodia for the first leg of the journey. Will stay over in Phenom Penh the capital and take a bus up to Siem Reap first thing in the morning. Then spend the next couple of days touring Angkor then bus back down to Phenom Penh and through it down south to the beach town of Sihanoukville for a night before settling in Phenom Penh for a couple of nights.

Then we'll bus over the border and into Vietnam arriving 8 hours later in Ho Chi Minh City for food and shopping.

Catch u guys in a week. :)

Malaysia Boleh!

1813

Man its good to be back from up north. Thoroughly enjoyed myself this week and got a good rest.

Heres a brief account of the trip.

Day 1 & 2: Left on Monday night on the 1830 Train 14 from Tanjong Pagar. It was an awesome experience just being on the train, cause i have a knack for trains (my dream is to do a Singapore to Moscow overland). The ride was a rickety affair with frequent stops in the middle of the night but the experience more than made up for it.

Woke up from my disturbed sleep at about 0630 and we went to the buffet car to grab a drink, which doesnt really serve a buffet so i guess its just a name inherited from the bygone railroad era. Ordered Milos which were sweetened with excessive amounts of condensed milk and watched the day break. It was really beautiful as the sun rose on the mist covered jungle as the train steamed(again another archaic term which shouldnt be taken literally cause the trains run on diesel locomotion now) pass rivers and through the Malaysian heartland, watching folks go to work and kids waiting to cross the tracks for school. In all it was a surreal exprience, which like all good things came to an end the moment we stepped of the train and had to fork out Rm50 for a taxi ride to the jetty to get to Perhentian BAH! Wat a ripoff!!

Took a package deal for Bubbles Resort on Perhentian Besar at Rm370 each for a 3D2N package which settled our accom, food and activities. The resort turned out to be great as it was on a private beach with its own reef, so snorkelling was just at our doorstep. Saw our original room which was a jungle fan chalet and it was really tiny and located near a damp and dark part near the jungle. Without hesitation we decided to fork out abit more and got an upgrade to an A/C chalet.

Spent the rest of the day sleeping on the beach, snorkelling and kayaking shiok! At night we just sat on the beach and cooked Indomie and luncheon meat, cause the place was isolated and there wasnt any TV. It was good retreat from everything.

Day 3: Woke to go for our packaged snorkelling trip. Didnt see much except when we went to the turtle hatchery where we played withe the baby turtles. Dun think we were supposed to but nobody really cared. Then we went to this bay to look for sea turtles. So the boat guy just cruised around and we all peered over the edge and you could see the bottom like 3-4m down. Then we finally spotted a really huge sea turtle and on went the masks and we leaped over and into the water haha. Stalked the guy for a good half hour and some ang moh kept diving down to touch it and it would swin away each time. So there was a whole group of us trailing the guy till we finally got bored and went back. The guy's shell was like 1-1.5m long! Boat guy said it was probably 50 years old.

Went back for lunch and slept on the beach again till dinner haha. After dinner was indomie with mushroom soup and canned rambutans. Since it was our last night we decided to build a bonfire till they told us fires werent allowed cause the beach was used by turtles to lay eggs and that they would be scared away. Stupid turtles.

So that was the end of my life as a beach bum. Dun think i could have taken any more of it.

Day 4: Left Perhentian early for a long long bus ride to KL. Wei Nurn was so fascinated witht he Tikam machine until the bus almost drove off with all our barang barang and we had to chase it to stop. Abit too much excitement for one morning.

Decided to stay in Chinatown and found an uninspiring hostel - Red Dragon, which was converted out of an old cinema. Cost us RM50 for a 2 bed room. On the whole not too bad though the toilets were rather dingy. KL hostels are deathtraps, would probably die in the event of a fire.

Walked through Chinatown that night, with stalls selling tone of the same old crap pirated DVDs, branded goods and crummy T shirts. Bleah!

Got sick of Chiantown so we went to Berjaya Times Square whichc brought back memories of last year's retreat. The place is mostly the same and we went to Dome for good coffee. Then we went to the open air night market for the wanton mee and char kway teow. Pity that the wanton mee standard drop so much man, and we didnt even finish the plate. Wasted sia.

Didnt want to go back yet cause we slept the whole day so we went to KLCC and caught Rush Hour 3. Totally retarded but we paid RM11 so who's complaining. The ads were supper funny and lame too.

Day 5: Got up late and had Nandos chicken for lunch, then off to Sungei Wang which is a cross between Sim Lim and Queensway and did some shopping at Factory Outlet. Ate KFC haha then went to watch Simpsons for RM8! Whoohoo! But it was really really dumb. Decided to give the Cosmos World indoor theme park at Times Sq a go (only Rm20 with UOB debit, love the card!) but the place was really crummy, roller coaster also not scary and we left the place with nausea. Walked around till the nausea cleared and resumed eating at Jalan Alor but the only memorable dish was KL Hokkien Mee, wah thick noodles in balck sauce shiok. headed back to the Dim Sum place ner Berjaya but standard also drop sian man.

Day 6: Went aroundlooking for good breakfast eats but turned up nothing and we boarded the bs for home. Clearing Woodlands, noticed that the BKE was spanking clean, could almost sleep on it. Next time people compalin about the government, PAP should sponsor them a trip up north and thry probably will all diam diam man.

Well Malaysia's national day coming and as a neighbourly gesture, heres a link to Negara Kuku, a spoof on the anthem and an account of all things wrong up north.

Jimmy

Bait-$4
Crab traps and gear-$20
Catch, cook & eat your crab - Priceless

Heres a pictorial account of how we caught, killed, cooked and ate Jimmy, our first and only flower crab catch that night.

A Few Parting Shots

Henceforth

Today is a milestone.

My internship ends and life begins hahaha.

Things I'm gonna do:
1. crabbing - gonna use stinky fish heads to catch flower crabs. if the catch is good, tmr will be a crab breakfast.mmm cant wait

2. Perhentian - islands off the coast of Trengannu(further up from Redang). Island paradise. gonna be a retreat to read Knowing God(and try not to konk out) and meditate. Might get distracted with the snorkelling, beaching etc etc.

3. X-Roads - will be down for a week to see wat i can do. Pron wants to plan a guys day so we'll see wat turns up.

4. Cambodia - leaving the first week of school for indochina. heard its a gruesome and sad place. luckily my hotel has a nice pool. densensitivity. but i like indochina. gonna end of in Saigon which btw will be my third trip.

Things I want to do/should get down to doing:
1. Photography - my camera is sitting around doing nuthing. at least it isnt collecting dust in my drybox. argh the inertia.

2. think of something to fill in blanks 2-5.

3. TBA

4. TBA

5.TBA

TBA- to be announced

Random grouse:
1. Malaysia - went to KTM this morning to buy my train tickets to JB for monday's trip up north. Was told u can only buy tickets one day in advance. argh wat sorta dumb system in the world issit man??? oh, its malaysian. hahahahhaa

Insomnia

2 days in a row i cannot sleep, bahhh!!! Toss and turn till my pillow's super hot, now i really cant take it so im ranting on this post.

Finally managed to clear the whole backlog of work that I could have done in 1 day but sat on it for a week. A project is in the pipeline and i've finally got meaningful research to do. I feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins again after 4 weeks of existing. But its a little too late as this internship is drawing to a close.

Reflecting back, this internship has been much of a blessing, in spite of all the times ive complained about it. It allowed me a glimpse of a small part of the merger and acquisition deal process; revealed the lack of work-life balance of the Transactions department; reinforced my desire not to work in the Big 4 accounting firms(for now at least). Also got to know a great bunch of colleagues who took time to coach and teach me, and working with them was a real joy. The end is in sight and its been an ardous 15 weeks, jolly glad its finally ending.

Looking forward to my holidays: Perhentian Islands next week and Cambodia in 3 weeks time. Think the break should do me some good and hopefully i dont contract dengue along the way.

I WANT TO SLEEP!!!! Think i should wean myself of double espressos for this week at least.

Hmm on an random endnote, i really enjoyed the movie Insomnia.

Hooked on a Feeling

I cant stop this feeling deep inside of me....

muahaha

Honouring Parents

I guess my realtionship with my parents like most others has its fair share of ups and downs. Sometimes home gets plain unliveable when i clash with my folks. There are days when im so thankful for them and on others i really feel like moving out and asserting my independence. But i guess at the end of the day we do love each other much and like Paul says love covers over a multitude of wrongs.

Today i was challenged to respond during youth service on making a commitment to honour my parents. As i did so, God began to heal my pain and hurts that had accumulated over the years and i feel a great sense of liberation and peace. I guess this goes down as one of the great things God has done in my life as the emotional and spiritual work that God today did was so deep and complete. I truly thank God for today and giving my a fresh perspective on how to approach my relationship with my parents.

But over and above this, i hear God's desire for me to strengthen my relationship with Him as ive been to caught up with everything else. I sense God reminding me that my ministry doesnt matter to Him if we arent close, that the being is more important than the doing. Its something im learning to do and i hope that in the days to come my walk with him and my understanding of him will deepen.

Am going to take the next week or two to pause and reflect on the past half in preparation for the second. Theres so much i wish and want to do, but somehow i cant seem to get around to doing it right, especially in the area of RL-ing. Am alsoe reevaluating my service next year and Im praying for direction and opening in the area of establishing a form of Christian education/leadership training structure in RAGE, to build and equip a new generation of leaders. We shall see where God leads then.

Wherever You Will Go

The song is playing. It was great. Thank you and God bless in the years to come.

My Daily Scoop

Hung out with Sam and Caleb after YA today and we went over to his house to watch Live Earth which was really crappy and a couple of hilarious South Park episodes about the environment and World of Warcraft.

The highlight of the evening was really over ice cream and waffles. We walked out to The Daily Scoop and had lychee martini, brandied fig and honey and warm waffles with kookie monster ice cream, and my customary double espresso. The ice cream was really good haha and we had a good talk about stuff. Stuff like drinking, girls, school etc made me feel young again ahahha. But it was good hanging out and just chilling man with you 2 (if you're reading this Sam and Caleb) and I hope that you guys will continue to grow in the Lord and pursue Him amidst the noise and distractions of this life and grow into men God has called u guys to be.

The night was bittersweet and it wasnt about the desserts. Got a call from a friend that my dear bro Paul Wee's dad passed away. Sigh. Reminds me that life is short and our days are really numbered and that we need to take time to treasure and appreciate the people God has placed around us and to make this life count for eternity. Adios uncle, it was good to know you through my growing years.

Completeness

Read the chunk of Eph 3:14-19 today and its Paul's prayer for the Ephesian Church. its a very powerful prayer and reflects Paul's understanding and intimacy of God and his desire for the Ephesians to achieve likewise.

Eph 3:19
"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." - NLT

"...and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." - TNIV

Read together v19 offers a very exciting prospect, that as we experience and come to understand more of Christ's love, which we will never fully understand, then we will be filled and made complete with ALL THE FULLNESS OF GOD, ie the completeness of His Being. Amazing!

I thank God for this insight as ive been feeling rather lonely and empty and this is timely. Lord help to know You and the extent of Your love that i might find completeness in the fullness of Your Being.

Jehovah Rapha

Well ive finally got something i wanna blog about putting a stop to the haitus. Well there are a number of other stuff i want to blog about to but i havent really gotten down to doing it, like Vesak Day dinner (definitely no-vegan) at Ervina's house, Batam and DnD. Oh well ill get ot those one day, someday, i hope.

So wat i really set out to blog about is God my healer. If you know it all started with Batam, with me losing my phone and my health. The heat was crazy man and I came back sick. Not the stay in bed sick but the "i look ok but got sick feeling" sick. Well on the bright side i worked half day on mon and wed and got tues off. In between i managed to catch 2 movies; Shrek 3 which was rather good and the dismal Nancy Drew, which by the way we should really have crossed over to watch Fantastic 4 midway, it was seriously doomed from the point the "ghost" came on.And when i went to see the doc on tues it was in the worse possible clinic ever and he was totally bochap and unprofessional man. Assumed i didnt want an mc. Fren if your reading this, people see the doctor for and MC and not the cheap generic medicine yeah.

Ok sorry to digress but back to God my healer. So i sniffed, coughed and suffered a bad throat the whole week. It was miserable man. And through the ordeal i never really thought to pray. I guess ive always struggled with the fact that God wouldnt answer my insignificant prayer of healing and so i just didnt bother. it wasnt till sunday that i realised i kinda left God out of my life and that i really should have involved him in not just my sickness but also in my life. And so i prayed and finally asked God for healing and apologised for doubting Him. Well the good news is that im well and sprightly again haha, wat a difference a little faith makes. Always thought i had great faith and that my faith in God was rock solid. Well this taught me otherwise

Thank you Lord for healin lil ol me. hallelujah!

Journey

by Corrine May

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

Stay the course

My present station in life kinda made me recall my sailing days. When sailing, in order to get from one point to another, i had fix my eyes on a point of reference in the horizon and sailed towards it in order to stay on course. Having done so, it was still impossible to sail in a straight line as the currents and winds casued me to drift. I guess life is like that and sometimes i get blown off course and it is frustrating. But the point in the horizon is home and a victors crown awaits at the end of the race no matter how far we drift, that if we fix our eyes on Him, we will be able to stay the course no matter waht the circumstances - favourable or unfavourable.

Life kinda sucks now. Nothing seems to be going right and its bleak man. But my dad used to remind me of this scripture by Habakkuk.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." (3:17-19)

Deeper In Love

This song has seen me through the years and its once again a timely reminder that only Christ can satisfy completely.

Deeper In Love
There is a longing only You can fill
A raging temptest only You can still
My soul is thirsty
LordTo know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before your throne

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunriseI will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

Rescue Me

I am overwhelmed. I want to run away, far far away.

"I need You Jesus, come to my rescue, where else can i go. There's no other name by, which i am saved. Capture me with grace, I will follow You."

Im facing my toughest test since i started work and its all because of people. Can one be selfless in the midst of self centeredness? How far can one allow others to take advantage of kindness without responding in kind? What should my response be to such circumstances? I want to grab them by their collars and plummet them to the ground and wring their necks till they gasp for want of air. That is my human nature screaming.

But the still small voice of the Spirit calls out, and I am now faced with a choice, to pause or allow the loud cry of my desires to drown Him out. To wage a war of attrition, with my oppressors or to yield in meekness. I am in a conundrum.

But i know what i need to do. I need to kneel in submission before my Lord and acknowledge my helplessness with this current situation. I need strength greater than mine. I need my character to be restrained and molded into His likeness.

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out . . . You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you."

What are u passionate about?

This has been on my mind for some time and im gonna write as honestly as i can.

Jenn and Joey were talking about passion about a month back over dinner one night and they shared about their passion for the youths and how much they enjoy impacting the lives of the young people. Then Joey asked me what my passion in life was and for a moment i kenna stunn. I couldnt really give and answer to that question.

Ive been in ministry for a very long time, but the last few years were the years i felt "i was there but not there". I was serving but my relationship with God was distant and cold and my ministry was out of my own effort and ability. As a result it was alright organisationally but it lacked power and love.

I realise now that the most important relationship, is our relationship with God. It determines the success of every other relationship and every aspect of our lives. When I was distant , i realised that i had become very self centred and inward looking. The only things that matter were my comfort and enjoyment. As a result ministry became a burden and an additional load on top of school. Instead of drawing me closer to God, it weighed me down. With such an approach, i found it difficult to minister and be there for my boys. I wished i could have hung out more with them, found out how they were doing, made myself available throughout their most formative years and i guess it is a regret that i will always have. But yet i thank God that in spite of my inadequacy and lack of commitment, He still worked in their lives and saw them through. It is a great joy to see the likes of HCH, Sam, Hoho, Tat Wai, Lee He, small and big Josh, Justin all growing and serving.

So, coming back to the question "What am i passionate about?" I guess ive reached a point where i can say that my passion is about knowing my God more and more each day.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil 3:10,11)

Its been a struggle as it demands discipline and sacrifice to take time off to seek God and realign my desires and will to His. One thing that i want to grow in is to be able to be still and listen to God's leading and direction in my life and for the ministry.

Through the months i've grown more and more in my walk and i see a change in my character and in the way i love others. I guess its a process of transformation and conforming to the Christ's likeness and i am thankful for it. Really reminds me of Paul who says that there is nothing good within him and all that is good is really because of Christ.

Another area is that of my region. Some of you know that im actually an RL but more like a CM haha cause i have on paper 2 cells of 20 ppl but in reality it has become 1 cell of 5 peeps. It was rather discouraging la that i have to still come down and get invloved and the numbers are plain pathetic lol. I wanted to rara the cell and do something and like jolt them into action, but i was just unable to. It was like there was alot of inertia and i was going through a period of brokeness and i felt incredibly unable to do anything but attend week after week. It was a sucky feeling. I guess things are changing and today's YA service did remind me that prayer is the key to changing the things that we are disatisfied with.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

I am disatisfied with letting things remain as they are. I am sick of living a passionless and misdirected life. I am fed up of coming to cell and church each week knowing that my guys are not growing. I want to avail myself to be used by God to work the harvest fields and serve the Church. I need to pray.

Having been through a month of internship and working experience, I realise that it is so easy to allow work to occupy my life and to derive my significance from it. Work is also draining and it saps alot of my energy and at the end of the day, i just dont feel like doing anything, including spending time with God. i feel that after a hard day's work i should destress by doing something brainless like watching tv or playing with my xbox. There are so many things id rather do than to pray and wait on God. Argh!

Ive got so many things to grapple with and everything seems to want to dethrone God in my life. Its an uphill task but I thank God that He keeps me and leads me. its also great to have support from Pron and CX and my great chums - Joey, Jeanie & Serene, that have helped me through this season. I am most grateful and blessed for you guys.

Its exciting to be growing again and im looking forward to revival service next week, cause somehow i sense something is brewing haha.