Introspective Saturday

Its slightly drizzling and nice. Just back from my haircut and mentoring with Suhui this morning. It was about identifying what God is currently doing in my life right now. Luke 24 tells of how 2 disciples who had Jesus walk with them on the road to Emmaus, and they didn't realise it was Him at all. Think the past few weeks have caused me to be really drawn away from God. I know He is there, somewhere, but I'm not in contact with Him. I try to seek Him intermittently in the lulls, but my hurried spirit just doesn't settle and then its time to get up and run again.

Mom's been forbidding me to go on the roadtrip to Kuantan and there is a desire to assert my independence and another to submit, to honour them. One part of me wants to move out and lead my own life, apart from their authority and interference. Such foolishness astounds me yet and yet rebelling is something so innate in me. And its something i've been doing since I was born. But I'm deciding to yield. Sure I may lose the deposit and the chance for a good break, but God is Lord and I want to obey. The challenge now is to yield and submit graciously, not grudgingly and its tough and demanding. But I do wish I had the liberty to do as I wanted, maybe in time.

I'm lost as to which direction I should pursue in the area of ministry, career and life in general. I cant really see past this year. Where is God leading me and how should I position myself. I find myself wading into unchartered territory only able to trust that God will lead me through. I'm doing my best to plan and prepare in this uncertain time and I guess the only thing I can do is to be faithful now and to continually seek God for His direction and wisdom.

I'm feeling a sense of sianess wash over me, something I haven't felt in awhile. But its good as it forces me to slow down and reflect, to ponder and tarry. Its here that I find rest and salve for my soul. To God be the glory, in all circumstances.

APIC Part III: Salmon Overload

Never have I eaten so much salmon in such a short span. Had salmon yesterday for lunch and dinner, as well as breakfast and lunch today. Eating in the hotel is really rich. I've also been drinking only mineral water and I'm getting really sick of all these foods. Its only a few more hours before I can leave this hotel and go back to my normal life - a simple one at that.

Morning was a little exciting as we were looking for a big shot who missed his meeting. Other than that the meetings ran like clockwork. I'm really drained right now and I'm so tired. I've got another telecon tonight and a dinner tomorrow.

One good thing that came out of this was that I saw how business was conducted and it was an eye opener. I mean at times it does look a little comical, especially with the japs who keep bowing haha. A sales and marketing job really does look glamorous, good food, entertainment and travel, but on closer examination, it really is tough and draining. One doesn't see the preparation and work after a night of wining and dining, and not to mention the "fake" nature of such business engagements and relationships. At times the whole thing seems like a charade and can be really contrived at times. Well i'm not sure how things will work out in future and what career path i'll take, i suppose as God leads then.

APIC Part II: Up on the 69th

Well the long day is finally over and im now resting in my suite haha. Took some pictures of it, just for the heck of it. I'll probably be clearing emails and finishing up some urgent work before i hit the sack, waking at 6 for the next day of coordination.

Looking back, today went rather smoothly and I was strung out on caffiene, adrenaline and now after the cocktail dinner alcohol haha. The dinner started rather sian cause I didn't know anyone at all. However as the night wore on, the guests began to leave and there were more opportunities to talk to colleagues whom i never had the chance to talk to back in the office. Met some overseas colleagues too. So it was a good mingle and the champagne was a plus haha. In all everyone was really happy with the cocktail dinner and it was a resounding success.

Due to the busy-ness, I've been struggling with my walk with God. Found myseld often lost in the humdrum and needing to say short prayers just to get back on track. I thank God for His sustenance and strength that has kept me going till now.

In all, its been a great experience today and it certainly adds some spice to the normal routine office life. Leave you all with the pictures from and in my room. Tata.

APIC Part I

Got roped in to help out with the Aisa Petrochemical Industry Conference, a rather big petrochemical conference held here at Swissotel Stamford. So I'm playing the role of meeting coordinator and my job entails getting the meeting rooms and suites(more on this later) ready for use and ushering hosts and guests to their respective meeting venues.

It really is alot of sitting around and waiting for things to happnen once every hour when the meetings end and begin. Other than that, I'm just hanging around the Introbar with nothing much ado. The VPN to office is down and the free wireless from Raffles City just doesn't facillitate work. Plus I'm zonked from getting here in the wee hours of the morning, and I had too much coffee and too little breakfast giving me gastric and a queasy stomach bleah.

Now to the fun part - the perks! Lunch is free at the Equinox and we theres a great spread and an awesome view to match. Ony rpoblem is we have only 30 mins to eat and get back down to the Introbar reception to be on standby again. We're also using suites as meeting rooms, so at night, there isn't anyone using it. As such I'm planning to stay over tonight with a nice suite all to myself haha. The view is awesome!! The minibar is free and the toiletries are from Bulgari!! I'm so looking forward to it haha. Blog more about it tonight in the room.

So the afternoon is going by a tad bit slowly and all the meetings are slated to end around 6. We're gonna then head up to the New Asia bar to help out in a cocktail reception till ten. Its gonna be a long day and I'm running on caffiene and adrenaline. So till later, ciao.

Water Fools

Caught Water Fools, a free performance on the Singapore River as part of the Singapore Arts Fest. It was completely random. Its about this guy whose head bursts into fleames and from then everything runs amok. It was nice with all the pyrotechnics and stuff on fire, I like haha. Some shots of a back alley of Boat Quay and the river. Had good Ramen at Circular Road after. Good stuff.

Matt and Cynthia

They dated for 12 years and tied the knot today. Congrats to you 2 and may God bless you guys in your journey henceforth.

Henderson Waves

Spent the Friday night at the Henderson Waves, the new bridge part of the Southern Ridges project, connecting Telok Blangah Hill Park and Mount Faber Park. Very nice, very classy.

Amazing Grace

Back to Work

After the long weekend its been a struggle to get back to work. Last night I got a mail about a piece of work i did awhile back and submitted. Apparently it was FULL of errors haha. I was attending my course and rushing the deadline and as a result i submitted a piece of sloppy work. On 20/20 hindsight I guess I could have done things differently and it seemed a whole lot easier as I corrected the data than when I was doing it. Maybe I could have done things smarter and better. But I guess I'm learning. The feeling when u mess up really sucks and I resubmitted the data again today and Im just wishing it'll be fine and go away haha.

Its the busy period and I've been having telecons since Monday. I'm getting used to it and its not that bad now. Gonna work from home tomorrow morning to rest and clear up all the work in piece and in comfort haha.

Need to find time to exercise too. Feeeling abit bleah.

Sunday at St John's

Was an eventful Sunday, spent at St John's with Sam, HCH, Hoho and Jeanie. We took the 10am boat from Marina South Pier which cost us a whopping $15 each. Set up camp at one of the huts and played some random games. At close to 12 the guys were hungry and so we ate sandwiches prepared by HCH - tuna, egg and crabstick mayo, with lettuce(not cabbage). Afternoon was spent lazing around and me and Sam took a dip in the lagoon. It was like super low tide, so it merely amounted to a soak. Showered and slacked awhile more before taking the last boat back to mainland. We then capped it off with a BBQ seafood dinner and Ah Balling at Clementi. Cabbed home and KO-ed. I'll leave you with the pics.

Snail Mail

Ah Lau and Joy Joy's Birthday

The four of us had lunch today at Ichiban at Esplanade. Not too bad a lunch, food was decent and the price reasonable. The stuff we talked about really showed our age haha, marriage, 5 year plans, reminiscing about the past and all. It was also a good time of catching up.

More Pics

A Good Weekend

Some pics from dinner using my new Sony phone, looks like im reconsidering buying a new camera, cause i think this might suffice haha. Had dinner with the folks at Geylang. We ate Clam Noodle (machum Chinese style Vongole), Crab Tang Hoon, Hokkien Mee and Satay. Very unhealthy, but incredibly gratifying.

Went bowling with Dad earlier today at marine Cove. The place looks worse for wear. Managed a measly85 and 109. Its been awhile. Last night was great too, with supper at KTM, love the place! Then we headed down to Vivo to catch Ironman. By the time I got home was almost 4 plus in the morning. Very tired, and I'm still rather zonked from it all.

Need Adrenaline

I think i'm seriously understimulated at work, and its making me rather lethargic. I've weaned myself off caffeine, and am eating less. It's still not helping my energy levels. Haven't had time to cycle lately and I think thats a major factor for the lethargy. Went riding today and the weaving in and out of traffic really gave me a much needed kick. I dun mean to complain or whine about work/life, but its really draining me. I stare at the comp for hours on end and the work is really mind numbing. I know there are opportunities to learn and all, but I need stimulus, I need excitement, something dynamic, in a constant state of flux and just the right amount of pressure. Why am I here?

I really can't answer that question as yet, but I know its for a reason. In the meantime, I'll learn to be patient and do my best.

I Miss ...

I miss cooking and having dinners, especially the 2 at Bro CS and Sis E's place. Well at least I'm looking forward to cook on Wed for RL meeting. I've decided to do a simple, tomato basil based sauce with prosciutto and mushrooms. Might add in some Italian sausage as well mmm. Pity the church doesn't have an oven, otherwise I could think of more stuff to do haha.

I miss having nothing on my plate. Had our yearbook committee photoshoot today and I've gotta get the yearbook out by early June. Things are really tight, but its always been a dream to design a book from scratch. Gonna have to juggle this, ministry and an incredibly busy month at work this May. Am I doing too much? Yeah perhaps, but it helps that I'm single and alot freer.

I miss traveling. Upcoming highlights will be the road trip to Kuantan in June and climbing Kinabalu in July. Spent a good amount of time this afternoon researching for the trip cause my mind was so numb that I couldn't do much productive work. Sigh I'm longing to travel and escape and its excruciating.

Woe to Me

Many things have happened since the last post. For one this blog turned ONE on the 25th last month haha. Its been great reading and looking back, and it has surely fulfilled its purpose to chronicle life and God at work.

Its been a long dry spiel and it was finally broken last night at PnP and I was glad I went. Something was different, a kind of stirring, an undercurrent was forming. Could this be the foment of a revival in the making, who knows? The message was on passion, centered on the 3 fold revelation of Isaiah in chapter 6. From his encounter with the living God, Isaiah was changed and it affected his walk, outlook and ministry. When the altar call was given, so many responded on bended knees, a cry of the spiritually hungry for more of God.

The key to a intimate relationship with God is "vision and passion under girded by prayer". It is a challenge to enter his presence, to meet Him at the gate each new day, to renew vision and to stir passion within. Everything sets out to prevent this and it takes an inordinate amount of effort to effect a meeting with the Lord. But when I met God last night I cried as Isaiah did "Woe to me... for I am man of unclean lips..." and the abject depravity and repulsiveness of my inner man became apparent and I knew I could never live apart from Him and I had been so foolish, like an obstinate child bent on his own way. The rest of the night was of renewing the vision once more and empowerment by the Spirit.

I woke this morning with a feeling I haven't felt in ages - that God is with me. It makes all the difference. From weeks of living in dread and fear of the challenges the next day might bring, today felt like victory, like nothing could overwhelm me because my God was with me and it fills me with so much joy.


Had the guys ministry, our 3rd one, after PnP. Joel, Joesph, Corn, Jason and David were in attendance and the venue was Popeye's at T1, where we were satisfied with fried chicken and a mountain of fries and biscuits. At the end there was still a biscuit and a half and I decided to play the number guessing game and we broke the biscuits up into about7 chunks and drenched them in coke, coleslaw, ketchup, chilli and jam. The final tally was 2 each for Joseph, Corn and David, 1 for me and none for Joel. Joseph having to eat the last one got an especially big and gross piece. Will try to post the pic when i get it hahaha. So we settled out vision for this ministry that night and essentially its to see the guys coming into an intimate relationship with God. So it's gonna be exciting as we move ahead to realise something thats been on our hearts for awhile. We want to be sensitive to what God is doing and to move as He does. Pray with us.

A Brief Respite

I realised that I post a fair bit during or nearing telecons. Today is no exception as I've got half an hour to kill before I dial Houston and talk to the old fogeys there. Seriously they're all grandpas and grandmas and I really have no idea what they're talking about sometimes. Well today seems to have a set agenda, so I guess its gonna be productive (ie more arrows). 'Nuff said.

This week has been MAD. I've never felt more stressed these few days compared to any time in my entire working life (which is slightly above 4 months). Its like the stars and planets and DEADlines aligned exactly this week I tell you! Its not difficult work, just that I've got a number of things due in such a short span of time that it drained me and left me spent. As a result, this week I prayed alot.

Every stressed out moment, I just had to close my eyes and pray that God would help me through, to deliver that peice of work before moving on to the next one. Sometimes, I had to juggle a few tasks concurrently. But through it all, God has delivered me whoo hoo. He gave me the strength to continue with my sanity in check.

My buddy kept asking me whether I was ok today, she said that my eyes seemed to get smaller and smaller haha. I even had to buy eye drops today (the ones that Jon uses, which I keep making fun at him for), cause my eyes were just so dry.

Well the work adn the day's not over,but this post and my coffee break has provided a brief respite. Its time to get back in the hole and soldier on. Semper Fi!

The Weekend Has Landed

I'm a quarter through my precious weekend and this week has been one heck of a ride. Its left me tired and spent, yet I've learnt lots this week and I've grown in my walk.

Lets start on Friday, which was Mom's birthday. It was kind of a washout. When I passed her her present, a chinese Christian CD, she exclaimed "Boring". I suggested dinner at the Thai restaurant near my office and she liked the food but complained that it was "cheap". You are most welcome mom! That really capped my lousy week. So I got home and since there wasn't anyone to hang with, I just kicked back and did a bit of reading, but mostly wallowed in my misery. When I reached the nadir of the night, I couldn't take it and I just had to confront God with my mom's lack of appreciation and how crappy it made me feel, plus this week didn't go too well, ie You didn't do a very good job God!

Then the reply came (it always leaves you stunned and speechless) that God reminded me of the times I took His grace for granted everytime I disobeyed, yet His love for me was unchanging. With that, what more could I protest, but ask Him to help me extend love and grace, to not give up, to learn what my mom likes and meet her needs. Someone has to break the cycle.

God also reminded me about our relationship. He gave me a metaphor of a customer visiting a bank teller. That most times our relationship with God is like that, that we approach Him to make transactions and move on and we wonder why we don't hear from Him at times and there isn't any depth. So this challenged me to relook my walk. The 15 min QT in the morning model just didnt cut it for a dynamic and powerful relationship. I neeeded to "abide in Him" and that would take conscious effort to seek and be in Him the entire day.

So I'm reminded that we have the privilege of knowing our God, that He is immensely interested in our lives and invites us to "sup with Him". For those who believe, lets not let a day go by without knowing God better.

For those who don't know my God, He is a God who is waiting for you. We've all messed up in our lives and sin really means missing the mark that God has set. As a result, we were meant to pay the penalty for our sinfulness, yet God decided on His own to take it upon Himself to take our punishment through Jesus dying on the cross. His innocence paid the price for our guilt. Because of this, you have the chance to come and know God. There's no promise of a perfect life on this earth, but a life where u can look and smile at life's woes, knowing that God has a plan and He is totally in control. So the gift is free but it cost much, and if you want to say "Yes" to God, drop me a line or comment and I'll talk more with you.

Ambling On

These few days have been tough and disorienting. Suddenly work has picked up and my body hasn't been able to adjust to the increased stress levels and ive been having problems sleeping and leaves me zonked the whole day. It has affected my spiritual life and im feeling awfully disoriented.

My faith is tested, not so much in my beleif in god, but in my belief that He can make a difference in my circumstances and that He is still unchanging and not distant despite the tumult that im facing. Im learning to trust Him by faith and to cry out for strength and sustenance. Its a walk of faith and its tough but I know He'll see me through.

Worship during RL meeting was good and it ministered and there was real fellowship tonight. I'm in a telecon now, and its really really dry zzz. Pressing on, one day at a time. :)