Stop

They say it takes 3 days for a recurring action to become habit. Well today's the third day I've been back on COD ahahaha. I thought just play abit since im bored, but now im beginning to feel its lure, the desire to get XP and level to get that ACOG for my G36 argh. Bit by bit its sucking me in again. Now I need to pull away. Theres too much to do after work than to allow my life to get absorbed into mindless gaming again.

Works been great thus far, nuthing like a few spanners in the works to break the monotony of closing. Getting the hang of most of my jobscope, but theres still stuff to learn. Its amazing what they trust a fresh grad with ahaha.

Tmr's Friday and 1st week of April's gone by. Time really flies.

Shell Life

So heres a peek into my workspace. Nice Herman Miller Aeron Chair in the foreground and the space is really big and comfy. Its Monday tmr and Im looking forward to work.


From L to R: Yi Leng, Rodchana, Me

Sent my colleague Rodchana off today. She was the one I was supposed to replace as she went home to Thailand. Its been a fast 3 months and time has flown by since I joined. Yi Leng is my buddy who has done a great job at helping me feel welcome and inducting me into the company.

Blown Away

Well many of my peers have been to Hillsongs and raved about it bt I somehow was never convinced. I thought well they put up a good show it was jsut another conference so yeah. Furthermore, I'm in the Rhema comm and ive shared this a number of times that i still miss camps. And I've never been completely sold on the idea of a conference. Tonight, marks a turning point.

David happened to send me a link to the opening of the Hillsongs Conference 2007 and when I watched it I was blown away. I've probably replayed it like 50 times and even as I'm typing its still playing haha. I guess AWESOME kinda sums up my reaction.





The first few times I watched it I was like yeah its a really nice show. But it dawned on me that hey it had an impact on me. It made me sense the majesty and awesome power of God as I watched it and stirred something within me. As David and I talked, we rubbed off our enthusiasm on each other and really theres so much synergy flowing for Rhema.

I guess at the end of the day I wanna be part of something that will leave an impact on the participants. Not that we may say we did the best Rhema Conference to date, but that we glorified God! That we will strive to exceed and surpass what we would ormally do, to create a conference on a scale never seen before, but still within our capabilities, to worship God, much like what Solomon did with God's temple. I hope that it'll allow every participant to be stunned and awed into realising theres something more to their current existence. there is a God that loves them and a faith worth being passionate about.

Even as the comm works, i hope you will lift us up in your prayers, that we wont just do the work to make a big conference, but that people will see how BIG our god is. truly then we would have done well. Im excited, and passionate, and it will be a long journey, but I know it will be a fruitful one if we stick to this vision. Whooo hooo!

On a Telecon

Its eight and I've finished a good dinner at home, been eating out too much haha. Home cooked food does taste good. Waiting for the rest of the participants to call in from Houston and Rotterdam. Guess the plus of working in an MNC is the exposure, but that also means working from home at these hours and taking a good chunk of my social time haha. Well I'd probably just head in later tmr as usual haha.

It has been a good week thus far, not that work still isn't mundane. Was feeling rather drained and frustrated for the last few weeks cause I've been struggling quite abit with my purpose and direction in life. Also I was feeling rather distant from God for no rhyme or reason. So these couple of things were wearing me thin.

I realised also that I hadn't been listening much to God and had been talking incessantly because I was afraid to quieten down for fear that I wouldn't be able to hear Him speak and get a deathly silence. I guess talking was within my control, listening was not haha. So I had to yield and let God speak again and to just humbly listen. And it was refreshing just to hear God speak again and to feel His presence around. It did wonders for my soul and refreshed my weary spirit through and through.

So from this, I managed to regain my vision and perspective and now daily I'm striving to honour and glorify God in the littlest of things. Also Ive been watching my words to quit complaining and start praising and worshiping haha. Its really turned my days around and really experience God's joy lifting me up.

Haha the telecon has ended and I'm free for the rest of the night. Woot!

Supposed Kelong Trip

We were supposed to go for a Kelong trip today but it was canceled after much deliberation. Instead we went fishing at Bedok Jetty haha. Well it was a stark contrast to our other experience there when we didn't even catch a single fish. Today we caught tons of fish and they were biting non stop! Must have been the great weather after a week of rain.

Food was also a highlight, having lunch at Changi village and dinner at East coast Hawker Center. Good stuff haha. We then went to Sentosa to catch Songs of the Sea. Well my advide is to just try to enjoy the show ahsha, the fireworks were nice at least and its definitely better than musical fountain. After th show, it was the luge! Its basically a small kart which u race downhill and it really did give me a shot of adrenaline, which was much needed. Its 2am and im half zonked. At last I can retire. A wonderful day with the 3 girls and it was really memorable.

Chilli Plant and Others

Today I planted my Chilli seeds. Yes you heard me right, I finally got around to planting it. My mom had this to say," Wa, no wonder today suddenly rain so heavy!" Incredulous as it seems, but I managed to overcome my inertia and be one of the last few to work on this project of fruitfulness. The moral of the story - its never too late to start haha.

Today I've decided to fast COD4 for an extended period of time. Its hard and as I'm typing, the AWSD keys remind me of the game constantly haha. But I've realised that nothing should master a disciple except his master and when something takes His place its time for action.

Its really hard glorifying God when you feel that you wanna be some place else and when the things before you seem unimportant and boring. As the day goes by I'm trying to pray and to seek God on how I can be a witness at work, to be attractive for my Lord.

I leave you with a rich quote that I came across today,

"Are the leaders of the future truly men and women of God, people with an ardent desire to dwell in God's presence, to listen to God's voice, to look at God's beauty, to touch God's incarnate Word, and to fully taste God's infinite goodness?" - Henri Nouwen

Recall

Today I recalled my application. Not my will be done but Yours.

007 Aspirations

Came across this position in the Straits Times today. Essentially its the Singapore Intelligence Directorate hiring. Its Singapore's equivalent to the MI6 and CIA. Well I attended their career talk way back in October last year and I was rather intrigued. Looking at the job responsibilities and requiremnts, it really intersts and suits me. The only drawback is that its a government job and I'll have to give up my cushy job in Shell.

Ministry of Defence
We are a civilian organisation under Mindef that is rapidly expanding into newly emerging fields. Our work is vital to the safeguarding of Singapore's national interests and effective decision making. We seek change-oriented individuals with the drive and vision to join our team in shaping and directing our operations.

Responsibilities:

• Actively conduct research to seek new information sources.
• Assess, select, interpret and analyse information.
• Prepare timely, accurate and objective reports to facilitate critical missions and projects.

Requirements:

• A degree in Arts, Social Sciences, Communications Studies or Science.
• Acute awareness and interest in regional and international current affairs.
• Strategic and conceptual thinking, with a sharp eye for details, and a natural curiosity for behind-the-scenes workings.
• A flair for learning regional languages will be advantageous.

Come to think of it I'm paid heaps right now, get to go back early, and why am I still unsatisfied? I guess at the end of the day its the nature of the work. Do I really want to be stuck in Finance for the rest of my life? This is a real conundrum man! Well I'll send in my application and see what'll transpire from all this. Haha.

After 2.5 Pratas & Teh

Back from a good supper after GLI and I'm mighty full and awake. I won't be sleeping anytime soon, so i'll prob blog and play a little. Tomorrow i've decided to work from home cause this week's been a lull and its awfully dull, weather included.

Lately I've been kinda under-challenged at work. I've also been whining alot about how I'm not suited for the job and how boring and how undynamic(if theres such a word) it is. I remember the days of consulting at PwC with tight deadlines and tons of research and synthesis and I miss it now and then. But was challenged today that even in the mundane, I can practice seeking God's presence. To give glory to God even in doing the little things, and to be a bright and salty witness for Him. Its something I'll continually struggle with cause I need strong motivations for the things I do and if I dont have any interest in it, I'll switch off completely.

Given how free I've been, its ironic that when I've got the most time, I do not use it wisely. I hardly make time for God and most of it is spent in frivolous pursuits. I'm reminded of stewardship and how we're called to account for the resources, including time, that God has entrusted us with. Sad to say, I haven't done too well lately. I guess at the end of it all, it all boils down to living a disciplined life and its something I'll train for.

Finally ending off, God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Things are bittersweet right now and I'm needing to find solace in God alone.

Falling

by Pocket Full Of Rocks

Father it remains to me a mystery
Why You still love me
When You see the bad in me
You show me mercy
You show me grace
You call me Your own

Day by day I'm finding out, just a little more
Just exactly what the journey is for
It is to love You, hold You, touch You,
to call You my own, my own

And I trade treasure, I trade fame, just to hear You speak my name
I've been touched by You and I will never be the same
I will never be the same for

I am falling more and more in love with You my King
My heart sings a song that even angels cannot sing

Father it remains to me a mystery
Why You still love me, when You see the bad in me
You show me mercy
You show me grace
And You call me Your own

Day by day I'm finding out, just a little more
Just exactly what this journey is for
It is to love You, hold You, touch You, to call You my own, my own

And I trade treasure, I trade fame,
just to hear You speak my name
I've been touched by You and I will never be the same
I will never be the same for

Over the Weekend

Had a rather eventful yet restful weekend. Got to celebrate Joseph's and David's 21st birthdays, and both did in different fashion. We had breakfasts at Botanic for Joseph's and a BBQ for David's. In all the highlight I guess was to grab David when he was blindfolded and trying to whack a Pinata and dunking him in his pool. haven't done that in awhile haha.

Caught Leap Years with Esther on Sat too. Thought it was a real girly show, kinda like fantasy la. Took abit for me to stop rationalizing and to enjoy the show. Though its take on love and life ran mostly contrary to my belief system ahaha. But its just a movie.

Bought Sam, Hoho and HCH lunch on Sunday at Sushi Tei. I think they kinda controlled their appetites but nontheless they were full haha. A good change from the usual buffets cause they cant eat much anyway so might as well eat good.

Its ultra late, been hooked on COD4. I need to sleeeeep!

My Degree

Showed it to a few people, and the same response has been "huh, lidat only ah?" haha. Guess the notion of a Uni education has been rather inflated. I do not think its that much of a deal, though I am really thankful and grateful for the opportunity. I believe one should not take his education for granted, neither should he take himself too seriously. In all cases, all glory goes to God who saw me through my formative years.

Mistakes

Im really not meticulous at all. I hate to check my work. When it involves huge amounts of quantitative data, something is bound to go wrong. Today it did.

Was supposed to extract a bunch of figures and make some calculations. This is more or less the kind of stuff I do daily cause computers arent that smart, yet. So yeah I did it and it was a real pain. Since i didnt enjoy it, I tried to get it over and done with asap and tried to do it in the most "efficient" way. In the end I left out some figures and it distorted the information and it was sent out. That was Monday.

So today got a few queries on the numbers cause it didnt match. Did abit of checking and realised that I messed up. Worse of all, the list sent to all the managers, piangs haha. Oh well, lesson learnt. But I still don't like checking haha.

Tomorrow I'll get my cert, after 3.5 years in SMU. Should be interesting to see it after all this while. Got a telecon in 5 mins zzz.

My Redeeming Lamb

I stand before you Lord
In awesome wonder
Holy is the Lamb, who reigns

In quiet solitude
There you're with me
You are my Shepherd King, who reigns

I see Your mercy fall down on me Lord
I long to love You, with all that I am
I hear Your praises
It reaches to the heavens, to You
My Redeeming Lamb

I Wish To

Know and love God more, be able to talk to Him like the Fathers did

Obey God when faced with a tempting choice

Appreciate Scripture's form and content better

Teach to change lives

Connect with the boys in my cells

See my CMs drop their entanglements and break free

See RAGE transform from a consumer to a serving culture

Somehow help Collin, Yang, Raymond and many others know Christ's love

See what God is doing and be a part of it

Lay my dreams, plans & ambitions down and take hold of what God has for me

Find a girlfriend (Next year only; interested applicants may submit your resumes. While all applications will be thoughtfully considered, I regret to inform you that only shortlisted candidates will be notified. HAHA, joke ah! from reading too many Saturday classifieds)

See the auroras before i die

So these are some of the things on my heart i'd like to get out. Its somewhat frustrating, but in a good way. The yearnings and the knowledge that God works through a process and it'll take time and effort. The beauty of it all is that eternal life is now.

The Guys

So we finally got the guys together for our inaugural guys ministry meeting. The posse included Joesph, David Goh, Chris, Corn, Kenneth, Justin, Joel and I. Its been a long time in the making and truly last night was a great experience.

We went to West Coast Park to the little outcrop in front of the yacht club and found a corner to just crash. Since I had a spare disposable bbq pit, we brought along some food and marshmallows and had a mini roast. Was a nice tight affair gathered round the smokeless fire, just bonding and sharing.

It was a time of casting the vision - that the guys in RAGE would rise up to be godly men, starting with the bunch of us. Thereafter we just spent time seeking God for His direction, guidance and wisdom and we prayed and worshiped as the Spirit led. Truly this level of fellowship among guys is unprecedented in all my years and it was a moment to savor.

Initially i was apprehensive that we would have too much time on our hands and that we'd just not click and be able to connect. I couldnt have been more wrong. Even on the way to West Coast in the van, the guys were already into it and it even gave Joel a good vibe about the night. Through the night as we ate and shared, the overarching thing that surfaced was that how most of them had longed for this sort for avenue for the guys to really connect, support and grow together. It was encouraging to know that God had primed our hearts to be ready for this.

So we've committed to having this group over the next 1 year, meeting on a monthly basis (much more frequent than i anticipated ahaha in a good way tho!) with the aim of being most vulnerable to one another and to intentionally love and connect with the younger guys within our circle of influence. So theres much to look forward to and we covet your prayers that though the course of our journey together that God will use us jars of clay for His glory and to the edification and strengthening of our ministry.

Life In General

Just got back from a supper after GLI with the group. It was a nice way to spend vday, though im not really a sentimental person. It just felt like any other day with a slight tinge of novelty. We were at Holland Coffee Club and the whole Village was CROWDED. I thank God that I feel incredibly secure and whole in my singleness, as I've struggled with the desire for companionship on and off for awhile and like the who's to like feeling. But was reminded on Sunday when Ps Lim went through the Sermon on the Mount, that really all these things, we dont have to worry about. Very basic, but sometimes things seem too big and insurmountable.

Work has been really taxing. I know everyone comments how slack I seem, but its really cause I choose not to show a "shack-face" haha. Its great to knock off early, not having to stay back to show that you're working. But when im at work its really intense, given the tight reporting deadlines and that I'm still trying to grasp the nitty gritty of the job. Theres really so much to learn and remember.Well at least im being stretched. Think a coule of nights ago i was so stressed that i couldnt sleep that night cause of all the adrenaline and stress in my body. It spilled over till the next day and I was a zombie by 4. So its difficult at times, yet I have a great experience at work and im really blessed with everything around me.

Today during GLI Ps Lim taught about spiritual gifts and how all of us actually have access to the gifts through the Holy Spirit. Most significantly, was the concept of incarnation - in which God works through US! So the exercising of the gifts is both a supernatural and natural process in which who we are and what we are going through influences the message that God speaks through us. I was greatly encouraged during the practical part when Ps Lim encourage us to share the impressions we got from God and how everything fits together as god reveals differently to different people. Its something really powerful to be sensitive to God and to exercise these gifts for the edification and encouragement of the body of Christ. I hope to be able to practice it in my life, in church as well as in the workplace, to really "see" what God is doing and how i can be a vessel to share the love of God. Also learnt the gifts aren't really for the super spiritual alone but for anyone who is willing and its something I believe we can encourage our young people to yearn for and RAGE will definitely be strengthened and dynamic as we flow in the anointing and power of the Holy Spirit.

So thats life generally and its been a struggle daily, with fatigue and my spiritual life. Need to learn to cut down on extraneous and unnecessary activity, to simplify and to set time aside for whats really important - being in the presence fo God daily. Want to grow i my sensitivity and intimacy in the months to come and to somehow help my CMs and boys do so too.

Roadtrip Pics: Ipoh & Cameron

East To West

Road Tripping

So Im waiting for some work to get done then its off to Orchid Hotel to catch the bus to KL. Gonna rent a car in KL tmr morning and head up to Ipoh and Cameron Highlands then back down to KLIA for an Airasia flight home.

An exciting experience to be driving up in Malaysia. I do hope to come back in one piece. Realised I left the house without a CF card. Bummer. Think i'll pick up a disposable later after dinner.